


Shadow and Cottontail

by redscrollsofmalec, sidebysidewithafriend



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Bigoted DADA teacher, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, Original Character(s), Owls, Quidditch, Snape is a jerk, Suicide Attempt, Werewolf Remus Lupin, jily, remus is depressed, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 77,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22329280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscrollsofmalec/pseuds/redscrollsofmalec, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidebysidewithafriend/pseuds/sidebysidewithafriend
Summary: September 1975. Cousins Kai Lupin and Aria Parker return to Hogwarts for their fifth year of studying and Marauding.The Marauders’ Animagus potion is just months from completion, but life at Hogwarts continues to be as insane as usual. If not even more so — between OWLs, full moons and Severus Snape, just getting through the year might seem like too much to ask.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue

_1971_

The 29th of July began like any typical summer day for eleven-year-old Aria Parker. The sun was peeking gently through the clouds, but for England that was considered a warm day. She had overslept, which was not a rare occurrence for her, so when she came downstairs for breakfast she was surprised to see that her parents were still home. Violet and Desmond were sitting on the sofa and there was a large letter resting on the coffee table. 

“Hi Mum, Dad. Why haven’t you left for work yet?” she asked. 

“Aria dear, why don't you sit down? Your father and I have some things to explain to you. But firstly, perhaps you should open this letter.” Aria pulled up a chair and carefully broke the wax seal on the parchment envelope. _Wax and parchment? Who still uses that?_ It was addressed to ‘Miss A Parker’ in green ink and the seal was imprinted with an unusual crest. The return address was ‘Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’. Was this some kind of a joke? Aria was a sensible child, enough to know that there was no such thing as magic. Nevertheless, she unfolded the letter and began to read.

_Dear Miss Parker,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl no later than 31 July._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress_

Aria looked up at her parents expecting them to burst out laughing, and tell her it was all a joke. “Isn’t it too early for April Fools?”

“Aria, I know this will be hard but you are going to have to try and believe us. The truth is that this all exists. Wizards and witches and magic is all real.”

Aria took a deep breath but she respected her parents enough to not interrupt and to listen to what they had to say.

“Wizards and witches have always lived amongst us,” said her mother. “You’ve probably seen them in public without even realising it.”

“But why didn't you tell me before? Why keep it a secret?”

“We didn’t think you would have any magic. We wanted you to be able to lead a normal life if you didn’t get your letter.”

“But I don't feel magical! What if they got it wrong and I completely fail?” 

“Don't worry, there are loads of Muggle-born students at Hogwarts. They wouldn't have given you the letter if they didn't feel that you were ready,” Violet reassured her. 

Aria smiled faintly. “So do you or Dad have any magic? Can you do spells, or turn into frogs?”

Her mother laughed. “No frog transformations for me. Your father and I are non-magical, but my sister, Hope, actually married a wizard, Lyall Lupin, which means one half of your extended family is magical.”

“So some of my family is magical? Why did you never tell me?”

“You’ve only met the Lupins once. You were too young to remember. After that, Hope became more distant with me, and I haven’t seen her since. I think they want to keep their children’s magic a secret from the world, even if that means not visiting us. We used to write, but even that stopped happening as often. I still remember your cousins’ names though: Kai and Remus."

“Are they going to be at this… Hogwarts place?” Aria asked.

“I hope so. It would do you all good to become friends.”

Aria smiled. Maybe this year wouldn't be so lonely after all.

~

“Is there mail today?” Kai Lupin jumped the last step down to the dining room. This was the same question she’d been asking for five days, but she asked anyway. 

Her mother Hope was about to answer when an owl swooped through the open window, a parchment envelope clutched in its beak. 

“I think the answer is yes,” said Remus, descending the stairs behind her with a little more care than she’d taken.

Kai rolled her eyes and crossed the room to see what the envelope contained; Hope was already taking it from the owl. “It’s from Hogwarts,” Hope said, and Kai’s heart leapt, only to be dashed by her mother’s next words. “But there’s only one envelope. It’s addressed to you, Kai.” 

Remus stopped abruptly, two steps beyond the kitchen. Kai balled one hand into a fist. _Just because he had the audacity to get attacked by a werewolf, this stupid school won’t take him. Like it’s his fault._

Remus retreated back upstairs, and Kai turned to follow him, but Hope laid a gentle hand on her arm. “Let him go.” Her mother was right, of course, but it didn’t change the fact that Kai wanted so desperately to follow and be with him. Even as twins there were some things they each had to deal with alone. 

“I don’t want to go without him.” She didn’t bother to touch the envelope that now lay on the bench beside them. Their father Lyall had told them enough about what it would say, and why waste the annoyingly long time it would take her to read what she already knew? “I don’t want to go if they won’t take him too.” 

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. Remus stayed in his bedroom and Kai stayed curled up on the couch, sketching the Welsh coastline. The scene was beautiful, but she found her eyes straying to the village children playing on the beach. The children they couldn’t play with. Her parents didn’t know it, but she’d heard them talking. If Remus couldn’t go to Hogwarts, the same thing would happen again as had happened every house they’d lived in. Remus’s secret would get out, and the Muggles couldn’t know, and they’d have to move again. Their only hope was to send the twins to Hogwarts where Remus wouldn’t be a danger to Muggles and the secrecy laws. But now that wouldn’t happen and they’d have to leave, so maybe it was a good thing they hadn’t gotten to know the kids in the town. 

When lunchtime came, Kai took a tray of food up to their shared bedroom. Remus was reading on his bed, but looked up when the door opened. 

“I brought you lunch,” she said, though it did not need to be said. 

“Thanks.” His voice was dull, his expression noncommittal. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t want to go without you.” 

“Not going to do much good, is it?” The bitterness in his voice was like a slap in the face. 

With nothing more to say, she put the tray on his bed and left, shutting the door behind her. 

As she made her way back downstairs, Hope said, “You haven’t got much time to reply to that letter. And if the owl gets delayed, there might be problems. Are you going to reply today?” 

“No,” said Kai, and returned to her sketchbook. 

As the sun began to descend towards the ocean, Kai ventured back up to their room. Remus was staring out the window as the other children began to make their way inside to dinner. 

“You’re just going to feel sadder,” she told him quietly. 

He started, but didn’t turn. “There’s not much sadder I can be anymore.” 

Kai said nothing for a while. “I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.” 

“But… you—”

“If they won’t take you, I’m not going.” 

Remus bit his lip. “That’s awfully sweet of you, but… but this is insane. You’re a witch. You can’t just not go to Hogwarts.” 

She shrugged. “Don’t care. But I think it’s dinnertime, so come on.” She reached down and pulled him to his feet. 

Remus, the last to finish, had just wiped his plate clean when there was a loud knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it,” offered Lyall, rising to his feet and reaching for his wand. The door swung open to reveal a tall, white-bearded man wearing half-moon spectacles and a kindly smile. Lyall gasped. “Professor Dumbledore?” 

“Lyall Lupin,” replied the man with a smile. “I’ve come to speak to you about your son.” 

Kai drew in a sharp breath, but one glance at Remus told her he was just trying not to get his hopes up. 

“I intended to come earlier, the same day as Kai’s owl, but unfortunately I was detained.” 

“I— Please, come in,” said Lyall. 

Dumbledore entered and settled himself by the fire. As he did so, his foot nudged the abandoned set of Gobstones lying there. “Remus, do you play?” 

Remus looked up, surprised to be addressed, and nodded. 

“Let’s see if I remember how,” said Dumbledore, motioning Remus over. “You too, Kai. The more, the merrier.”

After his fifth spectacularly lost round of Gobstones and a good many homemade crumpets, Dumbledore rose to speak to Lyall and Hope, leaving Kai and Remus to play again. Kai hid a smile; she was sure he had _let_ Remus win every time, but he’d been very clever about it. She couldn’t be completely sure he wasn’t just awful at Gobstones. But she was grateful nonetheless. “Do you think he’s come to tell you you can go?” she asked. 

Remus shrugged, toying with one of the stones. “I can’t imagine how. Best not to hope for too much.” 

Kai frowned and nudged a piece forward. It hit a lump in the carpet and tipped sideways. “I’m going to hope, anyway.” 

With her attention elsewhere, she lost the game, but that hardly mattered because no sooner had they finished than Dumbledore beckoned to Remus. “Remus, would you come here?” 

Remus approached, and Kai held her breath. 

“How would you like to go to Hogwarts after all?” He held out a parchment envelope addressed in green ink. Remus snatched it and slit it open; discarding the envelope, he read through the letter at top speed as though worried it might have been a trick. “Really? How? I—” 

“Yes, yes, I know. I was just discussing with your parents what we could do about your, er, condition. It’s all in that envelope.” Dumbledore smiled warmly. “By the way, I found this in your mailbox, so I brought it in for you.” He handed Hope a Muggle envelope. 

Hope opened the letter and scanned it. “It’s from my sister.” She glanced at Lyall. “Apparently their Aria is going to Hogwarts this year as well.” 

“Aria our cousin?” said Kai. Several years ago, Remus had accidentally discovered the existence of Aunt Violet and her husband and child, on seeing a letter belonging to Hope. Hope had explained that they couldn’t risk Aria, as a Muggle, knowing about the wizarding world (or Remus, after the Greyback incident). Hope and Violet were still in contact periodically, but Hope had to be careful with what she said and they hadn’t visited in more than six years. 

In a strange way, it was almost lonelier to know they had a cousin that they couldn’t speak to. But now— now they could. They might have a friend before they even went to Hogwarts. Kai began to grin. “Maybe we could meet her at the station. And, oh— could we write to her? If she’s Muggle-born she mightn’t know how to get to the platform.” 

“Or anything,” Remus added. 

Hope smiled sadly. “You may both write to her if you wish. Just be careful.” 

“I know,” muttered Kai. That was nothing new.

“I’ll write to Violet tomorrow,” said Hope, “assuming she still wants to hear from me. But right now, it’s time for you two to go to bed.” 

“Thank you, sir,” said Remus to Dumbledore, his eyes shining. “Thank you so much.” 

Kai echoed the thanks as she followed her brother upstairs. They were going to Hogwarts! 

~

The 1st of September arrived and at four in the morning Aria woke up and bolted upright in her bed. Usually she was allergic to mornings, but today was different. She had been awaiting this day for over a month and it was finally here. How could anyone expect her to stay in bed? She quietly got dressed as her parents were still fast asleep. After Aria had eaten breakfast, brushed her teeth and triple-checked the contents of her trunk, her parents finally woke up. 

The sun had begun to rise as her father packed up the car. Muffin, Aria’s cat, had to stay in a travel basket, but she was too sleepy to put up a fuss. The family drove out into the quiet street before any neighbours had left for work; Kings Cross Station was a long way away. 

“Platform seven… platform eight… Ah, this should be it,” Aria said to her mother. “I can't see any students, though.” 

“We are a bit early,” Violet reassured her. “I’m sure they’ll turn up soon.”

“I hope so,” Aria said, a knot of anxiety forming in her stomach. “You know, this sign does say platform nine, not platform nine-and-three-quarters. Maybe we’re in the wrong place?”

“I don’t think so, honey, look.” Violet pointed at two figures walking towards them. They both had trolleys and they looked about Aria’s age. As they approached Aria saw them more clearly: a dark-haired girl, dressed in a faded grey jacket and jeans, and a boy with light brown hair wearing a well-worn navy jumper. A long, old scar crossed his face, though Aria couldn’t imagine what it might be from. 

“Is that them, Mum?” Aria asked.

“They were a lot younger when I last saw them, but I think so.”

“Hello, are you Kai and Remus?” Aria said when they were close enough to hear her.

“We are,” Kai replied. “And you must be Aria.”

Aria felt that going in for a hug would be awkward; although these were her cousins, she’d never formally met them before. Instead, she held out her hand. Kai was the first to shake it, then Remus. Aria noticed that there were scars on Remus’ hand as well.

“Is that your owl, Kai?” Aria asked, pointing at a cage on Kai’s trolley. 

“Yeah, that’s Mercury. He’s a little excitable, but very sweet.”

“Well I have a cat, so better not let Mercury go near her. We wouldn’t want her to be cat food.” 

“Definitely not,” Kai agreed. 

“Do you have a pet, Remus?” Aria wanted to include him in the conversation.

“No, I’m, ah, not very good with animals,” he replied. Kai snorted, and Aria supposed they had an inside joke she wasn’t privy to. 

After Kai and Remus finished greeting her parents, and with only fifteen minutes before the train was departing, Aria thought it best to ask them how to get to the correct platform. 

“Our parents told us before we left. You just have to run straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten,” Kai explained.

Aria tried not to look too surprised, after all, she was going to a _magical_ school. Kai turned and ran straight towards the barrier. Seconds later, she was gone. 

“Your turn,” Remus said, and Aria ran forwards. The barrier was coming closer and closer and Aria couldn’t help but close her eyes, braced for impact. Suddenly the barrier was gone and Aria was standing on a completely different platform, beside a scarlet steam engine. Kai grabbed her arm and tugged her out of Remus’ way as he materialised behind her.

“Let's get a compartment near the back,” Kai suggested. Together, the three children loaded their various bags, trunks and animals onto the train, and began filing through the corridor. 

“Here's a free one,” Remus said, pointing to the one on his left. They lifted their trunks into the overhead storage space, followed by their backpacks. There was enough space in the compartment for six people, so Mercury and Muffin got a seat each. There was a unanimous refusal to release Mercury from his cage, but Muffin was let out of her basket.

The train was still a few minutes away from leaving and people were gradually filing into compartments. Aria watched the various students with interest, wondering what sort of people she would be seeing around the school. A pretty redhead walked past with a boy trailing her. He looked like he had never washed his hair before. Two attractive girls strolled by, their names stamped on their trunks in silver lettering. Just before the train pulled out of the station, two dark-haired boys raced through the door. They didn’t appear nervous about almost missing the train, and seemed to be laughing about the ordeal. A loud whistle startled her and the train shuddered to life. Aria watched the platform behind them grow smaller and smaller as the train accelerated towards Hogwarts.

It didn’t take long for the conversation to die out into an awkward silence. Remus wasn’t a very talkative person, and Aria quickly learnt that neither was Kai when the subject was her home life. Aria quickly gave up on talking and looked out the window instead.

“Do you guys want to play Exploding Snap?” Kai suggested after a while.

“Sure, but I’ve never played it before,” Aria said.

“It’s pretty simple,” Remus said, and launched into an explanation of the rules. To Aria, it sounded a lot like regular snap, except the cards exploded occasionally. After a few shaky rounds, she began to really get into it, and the time flew past as they lost count of the number of rounds and points. 

An older boy wearing robes with green accents and a prefect badge appeared outside their compartment. He must’ve heard the sound of explosions and had come to investigate. By this point the group had gotten bored of the game and had embarked on the difficult challenge of making a card house in the moving train. As he slammed the door open, the cards tumbled down. The prefect leaned forward to see what sort the cards were and, right at that moment, the entire pack exploded, as it was wont to do in such a situation. The prefect glared at them all. 

“Pity I can't take points off you when you haven't been Sorted yet,” he drawled. 

“Serves you right for putting your face too close to a pack of Exploding Snap cards,” Kai shot back. 

“Or any pack of cards that might be Exploding Snap cards,” Remus added helpfully. 

"Looks like I'm not the only one who's put my face too close to something I shouldn't have," said the prefect lazily, looking pointedly at Remus' scarred face.

“I have to say, the singed eyebrows suit you,” Kai returned mock-sweetly. Her voice trembled slightly, as if she was having trouble keeping her temper in check. Under her breath, she muttered something about a broken nose also suiting the prefect. Fortunately, the prefect didn’t seem to hear her.

“Is playing Exploding Snap against the rules?” Aria asked him, not beating around the bush.

“No,” the prefect reluctantly admitted.

“Then you can leave now,” she said.

The prefect stalked off, mumbling something about ‘insolent first years’.

Aria couldn’t help but wonder where Remus’ scars had come from. She knew it was none of her business, but the way both he and Kai had reacted to the prefect’s taunts told her that he hadn’t gotten them just from falling out of a tree. However, asking him was definitely out of the question, particularly with Kai wearing such a mutinous expression. Remus was starting pointedly out of the window and blinking rapidly. Aria knew she did something similar when she was trying not to cry.

At various times in the journey, they all had to get changed. Aria was the last to excuse herself and go to change into her robes. Part of the uniform was like a standard school uniform that any student might wear, except there was the addition of wizard robes: long, black billowing robes that fastened at the collar. There was also a hat that was pointed and made Aria look and feel quite witchy. She wasn't sure how often she would wear that. But she had to admit the uniform was a nice one, if a little monochromatic. The prefect from earlier had worn a green and silver tie, which led Aria to believe that they were robes worn by students of a particular house. 

“Are there houses at Hogwarts?” she asked, wondering if either Kai or Remus knew.

“There are four. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin,” Kai replied.

“And which house was that horrible prefect from?”

“Slytherin. The worst house.”

“And what if I’m in Slytherin?” Aria didn’t want Kai and Remus to hate her because of the house she was in.

“You won’t be. Only purebloods get sorted into Slytherin.”

“That seems a bit… well, non-magic people would call it racist.” 

“I wish I could say you were wrong,” Kai sighed. 

It was dark when the train finally pulled up at Hogsmeade station. They left their luggage in the compartment; it would be taken to the castle separately. Then they stepped out into the biting wind along with the other students and heard a voice calling, “First years! First years over here! Follow me!” Holding a large lantern was a giant of a man, who had to have been at least twice the height of a normal person, with a wild tangle of a beard and hair. He led the trembling group of first years to a lake where there was a fleet of small boats awaiting them. Remus, Kai and Aria shakily got into the closest one, which began to rock worryingly. There were no oars or anything but once everyone was in a boat they propelled themselves through the water — by magic, Aria supposed.

The eerie, black lake seemed to go on forever. Her teeth began to chatter and her fingers grew more and more numb as she gripped the lantern pole, not daring to let go. Kai pulled her robes tightly around herself and then wrapped an arm around Remus, who was shivering. As the boats rounded the next bend everyone gasped in awe. They were greeted with a truly magical sight: Hogwarts Castle. Aria had expected something large and grand, but nothing of this scale. Despite its grandeur, the weathered stone bricks and the warm light shining out of the windows gave the castle a homely look. Aria had a feeling the years to come would be some of the best of her life. 


	2. Sorry We're Full

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders return to Hogwarts for their fifth year.

_ 1975 _

Muffin meowed loudly from Aria’s lap and pawed at a fly that was buzzing around the train compartment.

“Shhh.” Aria tried to quiet her by stroking her soft, grey fur. Remus was leaning against the window, fast asleep, still recovering from a particularly bad full moon. James and Peter were playing a whispered game of wizard’s chess and Kai was half watching, while also keeping an eye on her brother. Sirius had been rather quiet this trip, although Aria suspected this had less to do with Remus and more to do with things getting worse for him at home.

“Okay,” Kai said in a low voice. “Now that Remus is asleep, it’s a good time to make sure you have the potion.”

“Yes, it was the first thing I packed,” Aria reassured her. “I would open my trunk and show you, but it currently smells like rotten eggs.” 

Kai wrinkled her nose. “Don’t worry, I trust you. But imagine if you didn’t have it and we had to start again.”

“I don’t even want to think about that. Imagine trying to do the leaf part again?”

Kai shuddered. “I honestly don’t know if I could.”

_ Aria was sitting with James and Sirius at the Gryffindor table while Kai and Peter were with Remus in the hospital wing. They’d only had their mandrake leaves for a week, and were trying to eat breakfast without looking suspicious. She’d come to dread mealtimes as it was nearly impossible to chew and swallow without accidentally swallowing the Mandrake leaf too. _

_ Aria was eating porridge with some level of success, but Sirius was not having much luck with his English breakfast. After a third, spluttering attempt at trying to swallow some sausage, he gave a noise of exasperation before pulling out his wand from his robes.  _

_ "I am not going to be beaten by a stupid leaf," he grumbled, before pointing the wand towards his mouth and muttering a spell. Sparks shot into his mouth and some came out of his nose. _

_ "What in the name of Merlin's pants did you do to yourself, mate?" James asked. _

_ Sirius tried to reply but all that came out were strangled gagging noises, not words. His nostrils flared in anger and he grabbed a quill and some parchment from his bag. _

I tried to stick the leaf to the roof of my mouth but I missed and now my tongue is stuck instead

_ Aria gave the note to James, who burst out laughing after reading it. "You didn't think to look up a countercurse as well by any chance?" he asked. "Not that you could say it out loud.” _

_ Sirius glowered at him.  _ No _ , he wrote on the note. _

_ “Guess we’ll have to do this the hard way,” Aria sighed. She pulled out her copy of  _ 'Standard Book of Spells, Grade 4'  _ and flipped to the first page. _

_ Once they’d managed to unstick Sirius’ tongue, the group hurried down a first floor corridor to visit Remus before their first lesson. _

_ “Hurry up, Aria, we wasted enough time fixing Sirius’ spell.” _

_ “Easy for you to say, I have short legs.” Aria was already having to half-jog to keep up. She took a deep breath, which was a mistake as she began to choke on her leaf. Sirius paused to thump her on the back, and she coughed it into her hand just as McGonagall walked past. Aria quickly shoved the leaf back in her mouth and pretended to cough some more, trying not to seem suspicious. _

_ “What are you marauders up to?” McGonagall asked. “You should be in class.” _

_ “Sorry, Professor, we just wanted to see Remus in the hospital wing,” James explained. _

_ “Hm. Well be quick about it.” McGonogall continued walking down the corridor. _

_ “Hey, did you notice what she called us?” James said.  _

_ “Marauders. Probably because we’re the only students wandering this hallway,” Aria answered. _

_ “It had a nice ring to it,” Sirius observed. “We could keep using it.” _

The door to their compartment slid open and Aiden, a Hufflepuff boy in their year, poked his head in.  Aria hoped he hadn’t overheard anything about the Animagus potion, not that they’d been speaking loudly about it. 

“Hey, Aria,” he said to her, ignoring everyone else. “Good summer?”

“Um, well, it was alright,” she replied, wondering why he was asking her. They hadn’t spoken much in previous years, and she wouldn’t have called him a friend.

“What exactly do you want?” Kai interrupted.

“I was wondering if I could join you?” Aiden said. He pointed at an empty spot next to Sirius.

“Well, I mean, if the others don’t mind.” Aria didn’t really want him to join them, but she also didn’t want to seem rude. 

Sirius stood up and grabbed an owl cage from the luggage rack. “Sorry, we’re full.” He placed the cage down on the seat next to him. James started to laugh and pressed a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. 

“Oh, well, I’ll, uh, see you around, Aria.” Aiden’s face grew quite pink and he slammed the door shut.

Remus awoke with a jolt. “What was that?”

“One of Aria’s loser classmates got butthurt because we didn’t let him sit with us,” James told him.

“Well you could’ve been a bit less harsh,” Aria said. “Ouch!” The slammed door had disturbed Muffin, and she was now trying to claw her way up Aria’s arm. “I don’t even know why he wanted to sit with us. It’s not like we know him that well.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” James said, while Kai removed Muffin’s claws from Aria’s jumper.

“He didn’t want to sit with  _ us, _ ” said Peter. “He wanted to sit with  _ you. _ ” 

“Exactly. He likes you.” James wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“They’re not wrong,” Kai added. “But the more important question is, do you like him?” 

“Oh.” Aria hadn’t thought about it before. “I mean, he seems… nice?”

James started laughing again, and this time Peter joined in. “That’s a no, then,” Peter said.

“Come on, you can’t say that for sure.” Aria felt sorry for Aiden. “Who knows what would’ve happened if Sirius hadn’t made him go away.”

“I didn’t tell him to go away,” Sirius said.

Aria frowned at him. “That’s basically what happened, and you know it.”

Not long after their first interruption, there was a second, but far more welcome, knock on the door. “Anything from the trolley?”

Aria stood up and pulled her purse out of her pocket. “Anyone else want me to get them anything?” 

“Can I get a chocolate frog?” Peter asked, handing her a sickle. “I still need to collect Artemisia Lufkin.” 

“Anyone else?”

“I’ll come with you. I’m not sure what I want.” Kai rifled in her rucksack for some money.

James looked like he was about to say something, but Aria shot him a warning look. Kai had expressed in the past that she didn’t like accepting financial aid.

“Aha.” Kai held up a handful of knuts. “Let’s go.”

“A chocolate frog and a pumpkin pasty, please,” Aria told the trolley lady. 

“Here you go, dear.” The lady gave Aria her change and her food.

“I think I’ll get a Fizzing Whizzbee,” Kai said as she counted out her knuts.

“I’m surprised you can actually afford food from the trolley.” A familiar snide voice came from behind Aria.

“Shut up, Snape,” Aria bit back, knowing this was a sore spot for Kai.

“Is that Snivellus?” James called from their compartment. 

“Yes, but he’s going to go away now,” Kai replied. She fixed Snape with a burning glare.

“I’m not going anywhere. I still have to get food for me and Lily.”

“Lily doesn’t want any food that’s touched your greasy hands,” Kai snapped.

Snape ignored her and ordered two cauldron cakes and a packet of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. 

“Hey, I hadn’t finished ordering yet,” Kai said indignantly. 

Again, Snape didn’t reply. He pointedly gave the trolley lady far too much money and waited as she counted out the change.

“You took too long, sod off already, Snivellus!” James shot a hex at him and Snape ducked just in time. He scurried off down the corridor, dropping knuts as he went.

“Hit him next time,” Peter said.

“I think this is yours, dear.” The trolley lady held out Kai’s Fizzing Whizzbee, along with the rest of Snape’s change. Kai stared at it dubiously. 

“C’mon, would you rather she gave it back to Snape?” Aria said.

“I guess not.” Kai took the money and thanked the lady. “Let’s collect the knuts he dropped and use them to bet on how long it’ll take Peter to beat James at chess.”

~

Everyone was seated at their respective house tables while they waited for the Sorting to be over. Then once Dumbledore had finished his obligatory start-of-year speech and the food had materialised, Aria moved to sit with her friends at the Gryffindor table. She noted that Kai had stayed back at the Ravenclaw table this year so that she could get to know the first-years; being a prefect meant taking on additional responsibilities like this.

James was in the middle of showing off his Quidditch Captain badge to the people around him when Aria sat down. 

“I hope the Slytherins are scared, because this year we’re going to wipe the pitch with their asses!” James pounded the table with his fist, causing his goblet of pumpkin juice to topple. Sirius lazily waved his wand to clean up the mess and continued eating his roast pork. 

“How long until he stops being this insufferable?” Aria asked Peter.

“Who can say? He’s also pretty mad about what happened on the train with Snape, that doesn’t help his drive to beat Slytherin,” Peter said.

“Snape isn’t all of Slytherin, although I suppose with Quidditch you’ll always have these house rivalries. Hey James, can you pass me a baked potato?”

James didn’t give any sign that he heard her. He was too busy talking animatedly about Quidditch tryouts. “Oi, Evans!” He called out as Aria got up to grab her potato. “Will you come and watch tryouts in two weeks to see me be a captain?” He pushed his hair out of his eyes and winked at Lily. She responded by throwing him a dirty look and continuing her conversation with Mary. 

“You know that’s never going to work with her, James,” Aria told him. “I could say the same about you as what you said about Aiden on the train.”

“There is a big difference between me and Aiden.”

“Oh?”

“Aiden is a loser and I am not.”

Aria shook her head fondly. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with that attitude. 

“Does James really think he’s making any progress with Lily?” she asked the others as she unwrapped her potato.

“Probably not. He’s probably just too ashamed to admit he’s not,” Peter said.

“I don’t really think he knows how to talk to girls,” Remus said.

“What’s the big deal? I’m a girl and he has no issue talking to me.”

“That’s different,” Remus insisted.

“What’s different about girls? You just talk to them like they’re ordinary people, which is what they are,” Sirius said.

Remus sighed. “Easy for you to say, none of us have your charm and charisma, not even James.”

“Hm.” Sirius smiled and returned to his food, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

“Aria my dear, so good to see you back for another year of potions.” Aria felt an unfamiliar hand grip her shoulder and she turned around to see Professor Slughorn beaming down at her.

“Hello, Professor, did you have a good break?”

“As good as any. I’m glad to be back at Hogwarts, although I wish Dumbledore would find it in his heart to give me a raise.”

Aria laughed awkwardly, not sure how else to respond to that comment. “Is there something you wanted to ask me, Professor?”

“Yes. You see, usually I come find certain students that I believe have potential on the train, but this year I arrived via the Floo network. So I came to find you at the feast so I can give you this.” He held out a parchment envelope to her. “It’s just a little invitation to a gathering in two weeks time that I would love for you to attend. Anyhow, I’d best be off. Lots more students to speak to. I look forward to seeing you there, Aria.” Slughorn squeezed her shoulder once more before strolling over to where Lily was sitting.

“What exactly is this thing he wants me to attend?” Aria wondered aloud.

“You don’t know?” Peter said.

“Am I supposed to?”

“It means he wants you to be part of the Slug Club. I’ve heard some older students talking about it. Apparently it’s the place to get all the hot gossip of the Wizarding World.”

“But I don’t really care about gossip.” Aria examined the envelope with skepticism. If other students had talked about the so-called Slug Club before then maybe it wasn’t so bad.

“You may as well go,” Remus said. “The worst that can happen is you get slightly better potions marks.”

“And who wouldn’t want those?” Peter said enviously. Potions were not his strong suit. He’d once made a cure for boils that had left him with purple, pulsing pustules that had lasted for a week. 

“Alright. I’d feel better if one of you were invited too, but I’ll check it out,” Aria said.

“I think Lily was invited too, look.” Peter pointed at Lily, who was opening an identical envelope of her own.

“Hey, maybe you can use it as an opportunity to set her up with James,” Remus joked.

“Not in a million years,” Aria replied.

~

How the Ravenclaws endured all these stairs, Aria had no idea. Both Ravenclaw and Gryffindor students had their common rooms in towers; she was lucky hers was on the ground floor. She finally caught up to the group of Ravenclaw first-years, led by their prefects: Kai and Will. Kai was in the middle of explaining the eagle knocker to them, so Aria decided against interrupting. 

“The knocker will tell you a riddle that must be solved in order to gain entry into the common room. If you feel like you can’t work it out, remember, there may be more than one acceptable answer. You are also welcome to collaborate with other Ravenclaws and work it out together. Let’s hear what it has to say this time.” 

“Give me food, and I will live. Give me water, and I will die. What am I?” the eagle told the group.

Kai frowned. She turned to the other prefect. “What do you think, Will?” 

“No clue,” Will replied. The two turned to the group of first-years. “What do you guys think?” 

The small cluster of eleven-year-olds looked stunned, and mildly scared. “U-us?” asked one. 

“We’re a bit stuck,” Kai explained with a kind smile. “How about we work on it together?” 

The first-years, Kai, and Will all huddled in a group. Aria heard a few ideas being thrown out, and the two prefects occasionally prompting, but most of it was too quiet for her to hear. After a few minutes, someone suggested, “Fire?” 

A brief discussion ensued, resulting in nods all around. 

“You can tell the door,” Kai said. One of the first-years, a tall but shy girl with dark hair, approached the eagle doorknocker, trembling. 

“Don't worry,” Will smiled. “Just tell it the answer. It doesn't bite.” 

The little girl looked terrified of Will as well. Aria supposed he did look kind of intimidating… well, there was a reason he played the Beater position in Quidditch. 

“Will doesn't bite either,” Kai added. She crouched beside the younger girl. “What's your name?” 

“Prisha,” was the soft reply. 

“Okay, Prisha, would you like us to say the answer, or do you want to do it?”

After a pause, Prisha stepped forward and said, “Fire.”

“Well done,” proclaimed the knocker, and the door swung open. 

Kai rose and murmured something in Will’s ear. He nodded and invited the first-years into the common room. Kai waited until they'd all gone in, then turned to Aria. 

“What did you come all this way for?”

“I just came to give you this.” Aria held out Kai’s prefect badge. 

Kai accepted the badge, frowning. “How did I lose that?” 

“James nicked it when you weren't looking,” Aria replied. “I meant to give it back to you at the feast but you left too quickly.” 

“Thanks,” Kai grinned. “Remind me to steal James’s glasses tomorrow.” 

“I'm sure you'll remember.” Another thought came to Aria, which she quickly voiced. “Did you guys really not know the answer to that riddle?” 

“Of course we knew. The door does the same one every time there are new first-years. It's a Ravenclaw tradition. We pretend not to know, which helps the little kids be less nervous. They learn that we older kids don't know everything, and they get to feel recognised and helpful. The girl who got it will probably be more confident for future riddles.” 

“That's a really cool idea,” Aria smiled. “Anyway, I'd better go. And so had you.”

“Big day tomorrow.” Kai fixed her badge back onto her robes. “Goodnight!”

  
  



	3. A Most Unpleasant Start to the Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week back has the Marauders facing their worst fears.

The Marauders sauntered as a group into their first Transfiguration lesson; Sirius, the last through the door, had just stepped through the door when the bell rang. Punctuality wasn’t usually a key concern for them, but they knew McGonagall’s first-week-back tolerance levels all too well. Plus, as Kai had pointed out, they had two prefects in their group, and she didn’t want to be told off by McGonagall on the first day. 

Most of the rest of the class was seated, but six places had been left in the back row. 

The tabby cat perched on McGonagall’s desk fixed the six of them with a glare, but they had all been inside the classroom for the bell, so they weren’t late. Sirius grinned at the cat. Nonetheless, they hurried into their seats a little quicker than they otherwise might have. Knowing the routine, the class produced parchment, quills and wands; right on cue, the cat leapt to the ground in one fluid motion, shifting midair to become Professor McGonagall. No-one batted an eye. Even though it was third period, not first thing in the morning, no-one was really that awake. Plus they’d seen it multiple times before; though it was still impressive, it had lost its shock value. 

Unfazed by the lack of response, McGonagall launched straight into the lesson. “Welcome to your first Transfiguration class of fifth year. I’m sure you all had a restful and studious break. As you know, this year you will be sitting your Ordinary Wizarding Levels.” 

Sirius almost felt his eyes glazing over. They’d heard the same lecture from Flitwick in double Charms. If anything interesting actually happened this class, he’d just ask Kai; Kai had an excellent audio memory, evident in her ability to actually take in information in History of Magic class. 

“These exams are of utmost importance. They will determine what NEWT classes you will be permitted to take, which will start you on the career path you may follow for the rest of your life.” 

“I can’t even follow this class,” joked James. 

Sirius stifled a snort. “Maybe I’ll run away and get a job at Zonko’s. I don’t need NEWT qualifications for that.” 

“You could take an actual newt, though,” Remus said. 

By the halfway mark of the class, pretty much everyone had resigned themselves to a one-hour lecture on OWLs, and many had fallen asleep in the warmth of the classroom. Kai had put her wand away altogether, and was now sketching with what Sirius assumed was a Muggle writing implement; Sirius had no idea if she was actually paying attention, but it was entirely possible he could get the main points from her later. Aria, too, had put her wand back in her bag, and had started a game of Hangman with James. A pile of ink corpses decorated the bottom of the parchment sheet. Remus appeared to be trying to sleep with his eyes open, though with little success, and Peter stared blankly out the window. Sirius glanced at his desk, where his wand still lay. He would be productive this class, he decided, although perhaps not in the way McGonagall would define productive. There was a spell he was perfecting, one he was eager to try on his friends. His friends would likely be much less eager about this than he was, though. 

“Failure to perform satisfactorily on your NEWTs may lead you to an unwanted career, such as cleaning the toilets at the Leaky Cauldron,” said McGonagall. 

Someone muttered, “Yuck.” 

The hint of a smile touched McGonagall’s lips. “I see one person is awake, at least.” 

James stuck up his hand. “That seems a bit unfair to the toilet cleaners, Professor.” 

“Someone’s gotta do it,” added Kai. “We can’t all be Aurors and professors.” 

“There are plenty of vacant positions if you wish not to bother with OWLs and NEWTs,” suggested McGonagall. “And if you think it is an enlightening career path.” 

Sirius blurted, “They’d probably fire James on the first day. Have you seen him try to clean anything?” 

“Reports of the condition of your dormitory have, in fact, made their way as far as my office.” She raised an eyebrow. “But if you continue to disrupt my class, that may be where you find yourselves.” 

“But —”

“That is _quite_ enough from you, Mr Black. Now, as I was saying…” 

Under the table, Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers, trying to settle the uneasy feeling in his gut. He was soon distracted once more. He glanced at the clock. Twelve minutes to go. He would wait at least another five, and then try out his charm. If it worked, no-one would know it was him. If it didn’t work, no-one would be any the wiser. But who to try it on… 

“Your workload this year will be reasonably high. However, you are all capable students, and I expect you all will rise to the challenge adequately. I know you all can manage, just as long as you take this year seriously.” 

This time, Sirius didn’t manage to suppress the short bark of laughter that burst from his mouth. McGonagall turned a stern glare on him. “Mr Black. I was not under the impression that OWLs were funny, nor anything I just said.” 

Kai dropped her face into an ink-stained hand. Aria rolled her eyes and tossed a piece of crumpled paper at him, and James kicked him under the table. That seemed excessive, in Sirius’s entirely biased opinion. 

It took another nine minutes for McGonagall’s attention to wander away from Sirius, or at least as far away from the Marauders as it ever got. Three minutes left of class; if he was going to try his charm, it was now or never. So, being a responsible and well-meaning fifteen-year-old, he pointed his wand tip at James and muttered under his breath, “ _Mensam versum_.” 

Immediately, James’s desk and chair flipped over, throwing him and all his books into a crumpled heap on the floor. At the _crash_ , everyone turned. Some laughed; even Remus, who was half-asleep, was hiding a smile. James picked himself back up and returned his desk and chair with a flourish of his wand, tears of mirth streaming from his eyes. 

McGonagall frowned, but Sirius thought he saw a glint of humour in her eye. “I see you were paying attention wonderfully, Potter.” 

James wiped his eyes, grinning as innocently as he could manage. “Yes, Professor. Obviously I was.” 

She glanced at the clock, which indicated two minutes to the bell, and smiled. “I imagine you all might feel more kindly about all that talking if I let you go early. Would I be correct in saying that?” 

The statement was greeted with a resounding “Yes!”

“Very well. Pack up and go, but go quietly. I don’t want to hear complaints from other teachers about fifth-years disrupting their classes. Particularly not my fifth-years.” She smiled as the class scrambled to pile books and parchment into bags, racing to be first out the door. “Quietly,” she reminded them, and the three students already in the corridor slowed their pace to a walk. 

The Marauders were the last to leave; Sirius, always consistent, was the very last. As he caught the swinging door to push it back open, he could’ve sworn he heard McGonagall whisper, “Impressive spell, Mr Black.” 

When he turned, there was only the tabby cat, blinking at him from the desk. 

~

“We’re going to be late, aren’t we,” grumbled Peter as the four boys rounded a corner, skidding slightly on the stone floor. 

“Yep,” said Sirius, who had pulled into the lead along with James. 

“You don’t sound bothered by that,” James said. Truth be told, he himself wasn’t particularly bothered either. But Greyhame would be, which was the key point. 

“I think the fact that we’re running suggests we are bothered,” said Remus. “Detention in our second lesson would be a new low. Or a new high, depending on how you look at it.” 

They turned another corner, bringing them to the correct corridor. The Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom was in sight some way along it. “We might make it,” said James, suddenly hopeful.

But they were still several metres from the door when the bell rang, and all four boys groaned. 

“Late again,” said Greyhame, her tone disappointed. “I suppose old habits die hard.” She paused, leaving the boys stranded in the doorway while the class watched. “I trust I will see you all in my office at seven for detention. I hear the hospital bedpans are particularly filthy.” 

Sirius muttered something distinctly impolite; James nudged him. Finally, Greyhame waved a hand and they trooped to their seats. 

“Boggarts,” said Greyhame, indicating the locked cupboard at the back of the room. The class turned to look at it with a rustle. “As we discussed last lesson, they take the form of a person’s worst fear.” She continued, but James’s brain tuned out her monotonous voice almost immediately. This was not going to be the most pleasant start to the year. 

“Pretty sure my worst nightmare is just old Greyhame in her underwear,” muttered Sirius. Peter stifled a laugh. James, hiding his own smile, hoped Greyhame hadn’t heard them. He didn’t want to be cleaning even more bedpans. 

“We covered the charm to repel them last class, but I shall remind you just in case. Repeat after me: _Riddikulus_.” Her gaze settled on Peter, and James frowned. Yes, Peter sometimes had trouble remembering incantations, but there was no need to embarrass him like that. Peter sank even further down in his chair, if that were possible. 

“ _Riddikulus_ ,” chorused the class obediently. 

“Acceptable,” she said. “Form a line, assuming you’re even capable of that.” 

The group stood and began to arrange themselves reluctantly into a line. Ordinarily, despite the animosity between Slytherin and Gryffindor, there was a fair amount of chatter that went on when these two houses were in a class together. Not here, though. Not in this class. 

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Mr Pettigrew, you can go first.” The silence in the room grew until you could hear a pin drop. 

Peter shuffled forward, looking as though he wanted to be anywhere but there. Greyhame flicked her wand; the padlock on the closet door snapped open, and five Hogwarts students sauntered out. For a second, they could have been anyone. Then James recognised himself and his other friends. The resemblance was uncanny, but nothing about them appeared out of the ordinary until they opened their mouths. 

“Stupid, fat Peter,” taunted James. “Did you think we were actually your friends?” 

To see such a cruel expression on Aria’s normally kind face was jolting, and even more jolting were her words. “Oh please. That was an even better prank than April Fools’ in third year!” 

Kai snickered. “Except you’re the most gullible person we’ve ever pranked. Even worse than Avery from Slytherin.” She turned to James and stage-whispered, “Look at his face!” 

Peter seemed to shrink several inches, and the Boggart-Marauders looked somehow taller than they had been. 

“As if people like _us_ would be friends with someone like _you_.” Sirius tossed his hair over his shoulder. Peter’s free hand lifted automatically to his own mousy hair. 

James could stand it no longer. “They’re not real!” he shouted. 

“Silence!” snapped Greyhame. 

Peter raised his wand. “ _Riddikulus!_ ” 

There was a sharp _crack_ , accompanied by laughter from some of the other students. The Boggart-Marauders’ clothing had changed from school uniform to frilly salmon-pink underwear, complemented by moth-eaten peachy stockings and garters. The Boggarts shrieked; some of the figures tried to hide. James had to laugh at the sight of himself in the hideously unattractive bra and underwear set. In fact, everyone was laughing. The only one silent was Greyhame, whose face had turned a blotchy purple. James suspected that the outfit might just be what was hidden under Greyhame’s drab robe. 

“Next!” Greyhame practically yanked the next student forward. 

James lost track of the next Boggarts; he was busy congratulating Peter on his charm. 

Peter grimaced. “I hate those things.” 

“We would never say anything like that,” Remus added. “I swear.” 

James and Sirius added their reassurances, and eventually the topic changed to something more pleasant as the rest of the class worked their way through the task. Remus stayed firmly at the back, so the others stayed with him. 

“Mr Lupin,” said Greyhame, as though she hadn’t noticed he was shaking like a leaf. 

Sirius lifted a hand to clap his friend on the back, but decided against it; Remus’s face had grown steadily paler every time the line in front of them grew smaller. Now he stood unsteadily in front of the closet, waiting for the Boggart to change. And change it did. Like Peter, he saw his friends. This time, though, they lay cold and lifeless, their skin marked by deep gashes. The rest of the class might not know what had made those gashes, but James and his friends knew exactly what it was Remus was seeing, why he couldn’t tear his eyes from the sight. His wand arm hung limply by his side, and he was beginning to hyperventilate. 

“Remus,” said James softly. 

Remus didn’t turn, didn’t speak. The only sound was an ominous _drip_ , and the clatter of his wand as it slipped from his fingers. James stepped forward and took his friend’s arm; Remus appeared not to have noticed James’s approach, and staggered at the pull. James steadied him and helped him into the nearest chair, where he buried his face in his arms. Sirius sat down beside him, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. James darted an angry look at Greyhame, daring her to stop him intervening, but his attention was soon caught by the Boggart changing. 

He, too, saw his friends, and along with the Marauders, Lily. All of them alive, this time, but he had only a second to appreciate that before the screaming started. Boggart-Sirius’s face contorted with pain, one hand reaching feebly towards James. Aria lay curled into a ball on the ground, tears streaming down her face. James’s stomach flipped over at the sight of all his friends in such pain. He threw an arm over his face, and, summoning all the courage he could, cried, “ _Riddikulus!_ ” 

Now the six students weren’t crying, but laughing. When James looked closer, the smiles didn’t quite reach their eyes. He wished the apparitions would just disappear. 

He was saved by Greyhame — not a sentence he’d ever thought he’d think, but here he was. “Mr Black. You next.” 

James sat down beside Remus. Sirius squared his shoulders and strode forward, clearly anxious to be done with the whole thing. The Boggart wasted no time, transforming into an older woman wearing a black velvet gown. Her high, defined cheekbones and thick dark hair marked her as Sirius’s mother. But when she gazed at her son, there was no love in her eyes. Just anger and disapproval. “Stupid boy. Fraternising with those filthy Mudbloods — do you have any idea what shame you have brought on this family?” Her tone was icy, and held utter contempt in every syllable. “You are worthless. Useless. A disgrace. I had hoped for a better first son.” 

Sirius’s knuckles had gone white on his wand. 

“Regulus would never bring such disgrace to the Noble House of Black.” 

Tears welled in Sirius’s eyes; the sight broke James’s heart. He stood up and called, “Sirius!” 

Sirius reacted as though snapped out of a trance. He turned on his heel and, without looking back at the Boggart, ran from the room. Remus gathered up his and Sirius’s books with shaking hands, and followed without acknowledging Greyhame’s furious expression at all. 

Peter and James grabbed their own books and left to join their friends, letting the door slam shut behind them. 

~

Kai glanced at the clock. Ten minutes in. Fifty to go, and she did _not_ want to do this practical. Normally she loved practicals, although ‘loved’ might be a stretch in any class with Professor Greyhame, but this one… She looked over at Aria, who pulled a sympathetic face in response.  
“Lupin! Parker! Are you talking in my class again?” Greyhame snapped her fingers in Kai’s direction. 

“No, Professor,” said Kai, surreptitiously adding devil horns to the sketch of Greyhame she was working on. Why she’d chosen to draw Greyhame of all people, she wasn’t entirely sure, but it was entertaining to make it supremely unflattering. And to be fair, she was standing right there, and her grumpy expression hadn’t shifted at all yet.  
“Then what did I just say?” 

“We’re beginning the year with a practical on Boggarts, Professor.” Fortunately, she had a good audio memory, because as usual, she had not been taking notes. “Because the practical is a large part of the OWL, so it’s best to start early.” Second lesson back, in fact. The theory class on Tuesday had been… alright. But she already knew this one was going to suck. She went over one of the horns again, pressing harder. 

Greyhame _hmph_ ed and turned back to the class at large. Aria shot another glance at Kai; apparently Aria had guessed why Kai wasn’t looking forward to this class. 

“Parker!” said Greyhame. “Eyes on the board. Merlin knows you could do with the occasional good mark in this subject.” 

Not only was that unkind and uncalled for, it wasn’t even true. At the end of last year, Aria had scored an E on her written Defence exam. The only reason she occasionally scored Ps instead of As on her essays was because Greyhame set ridiculous tasks and took away marks for stupid things. Aria’s essays were fine — better than Kai’s own — but the fail grades did nothing for her confidence in the subject. Aria bit her lip and dropped her eyes to her desk. Kai clenched her fist around her pen, trying to keep from swearing at Greyhame. She didn’t want detention in the first week… but it might be worth it. 

Aria put a hand on Kai’s arm and shook her head fractionally. Kai sighed and released her death grip on the pen, turning her attention to the shading on the devil’s horns. 

“Now, class, over the summer a Boggart was found in the castle, just in time for our class. Stand up.” 

Concealed by the sound of scraping chairs, Kai muttered something impolite about Greyhame, so quiet only Aria could hear. Aria covered her mouth to hide her smile; Kai smiled too, but the joke didn’t really do much to calm her nerves. 

Once the students had assembled at the back of the room, in the empty space they usually used for practical work, Greyhame indicated a locked closet. As they watched, it shook so hard it almost tipped over. Kai shuddered. 

“This closet contains a Boggart,” said Greyhame crisply. “As you know, when I let it out it will transform to represent the thing most feared by the person facing it. Last lesson, we discussed the spell required to provoke laughter and thus defeat the creature.” 

Kai glanced at Aria, her eyebrow twitching upwards very slightly. She couldn’t imagine Greyhame laughing. Unfortunately, she also couldn’t imagine how she’d make her own Boggart funny. All the thoughts she’d had on the subject since Tuesday had led her back to one idea, one thing she feared above anything else. She tapped one clammy finger on her wand. 

“Form a line. Or, if you wish to behave like animals, you may go join the Care of Magical Creatures class. Be my guest.” 

_I wish_ , thought Kai. 

The entire class scrambled not to be first, which was obviously impossible. They ended up in a cluster, none of them particularly close to the cupboard. Aria sidled up next to Kai and leant against her shoulder; Kai smiled slightly. The contact made her feel a tiny bit less alone, though she noticed that Aria looked relatively calm. _Good for her,_ she tried to tell herself, but it didn’t quite work. 

“Miss Lancaster, you first,” ordered Greyhame, cutting through the nervous chatter. Kai breathed a sigh of relief. 

Jocelyn Lancaster, from Hufflepuff, stepped forward uncertainly, looking as panicked as Kai felt. Her face was bloodless and her wand shook in her hand as she readied it. Then she mumbled, “Wait.” 

“Pardon?” said Greyhame. 

“I— wait. Please. I’m not ready.” 

Greyhame ignored her and pointed her wand at the closet’s lock. 

“What the hell?” said Kai. 

Greyhame whipped around. “Excuse me?” 

This was a bad idea, but she was committed now. “She said she isn’t ready. You’re asking her to face her _worst fear_. You can at least let her be ready. Or ask someone else.” 

“If I wait for every student to be _ready_ , this class won’t be finished until midnight. And if one were to face a Boggart in the wild, it would not give you time to be _ready_ for it.” 

“Well, we’re not facing it in the wild, are we?” Kai snapped. “And you said we’d use the double tomorrow for students who didn’t finish.” 

Greyhame said nothing for a moment. “Alright, then. Miss Lupin, you will go first.” 

Kai’s stomach dropped to her shoes. _Shit._ She tried to push up her sleeve, but her hands were shaking too badly, and she almost dropped her wand. Tightening her grip on it until her knuckles were white, she swallowed and planted her feet. 

The lock burst open and one of the doors began to move, creaking as it did so. Then out of the door stepped a werewolf. 

Scars criss-crossed its face and body; it raised its snout and howled, revealing a ring of teeth marks around its shoulder. Kai knew those scars. Bile rose in her throat. The wolf lowered its head, fixing its eyes directly on her. Light brown eyes, sort of amber in the right light. 

Remus’s eyes. 

The werewolf stepped forward, but Kai couldn’t move. Neither her feet nor her wand arm would cooperate with the instinct that told her _run_ . But another instinct cried _stay_. At least, until the werewolf’s jaws opened and it raised one clawed paw. 

Kai moved then, staggering backwards and tripping over her own feet. Her wand flew from her grasp. She didn’t know where it was, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t make this funny, nor could she bring herself to fight it. Because as much as it terrified her, that was her _brother_. Her body had once more turned to lead; she sat frozen, staring up at the wolf as it advanced. 

Then Aria was there, wand raised and head high. With a _crack_ , the Boggart changed to become a human figure, wearing a strange white mask and holding a machete. Kai had no idea exactly what it was meant to be, and she didn’t care because she needed to leave and she needed to leave now. She staggered to her feet, half-blinded by tears, and fled the classroom. 

Outside, she sat down against the wall and curled in on herself, chest heaving as she sobbed. _Not real not real not real_ , she thought, but it was. It was too real and she wished with all her heart that it wasn’t. 

The door slid open and Aria sat down beside her, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m so sorry.” 

Kai shook her head, not sure she could speak past the choked feeling in her throat. 

“Was that…?” Aria ventured. 

Kai bit her lip. “It’s not — it’s not like that. I’m not scared of _him_ , I just —” Tears blurred her vision once more. She could barely explain this to herself, let alone Aria, but she had to try. How could her worst fear be her twin brother, the person she loved most dearly in all the world? “It’s different, I —”

Aria tightened her embrace. “You don’t have to explain. It’s alright. Sometimes these things are totally irrational.” 

Kai nodded and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Her breath was still coming in ragged gasps. 

Aria murmured, “Deep breaths.” 

Kai tried to do that. Slowly her breathing returned to something resembling normal, and she cast around for something else to talk about. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. I gave my serial killer a balloon instead of a machete. It was kind of funny, I guess.” 

Kai let out a giggle, though it still sounded like a sob, even to her own ears. 

A little before class was meant to end, Kai and Aria slipped back in, though they stayed out of the way against the wall. 

“Those of you who did not get a chance to face the Boggart today, you will do so next lesson. If you faced it and did not perform the charm, you will stay behind now for another attempt.” 

Kai edged towards the door again, but Greyhame said, “Miss Lupin, that includes you.” 

She couldn’t. She couldn’t do it again. But Greyhame’s cold gaze seemed to pin her to the wall, and she didn’t move. 

The rest of the class gathered their possessions and left; as Aria stepped through the door, she paused. 

“Don’t tell Remus,” Kai whispered, but the student behind Aria had already nudged her forward and Kai had no idea if she’d heard her or not. 


	4. You Can Always Talk to Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitter revelation leaves Remus unsure about how his friends really think of him. Meanwhile, the Marauders' plan to become Animagi is well underway.

“Where's Kai?” Remus asked as they sat down to lunch. Breakfast and lunch seating was a lot freer than dinner seating; today they were all at the Hufflepuff table. 

“She had to stay behind,” Aria stalled. She caught Remus’s eye, but then looked away quickly. She could still partly see Kai’s Boggart matching up with his brown eyes and scars. 

“Old Greylame up to her usual tricks?” James guessed. 

Aria nodded. “She’s always had it out for Kai and today was no different.” 

“You two had Boggarts today, right?” James said. 

Aria noticed Sirius flinch at the word ‘Boggarts’. “We did,” she admitted.

“Boggarts are horrible,” said Remus. He bowed his head and began to fiddle with the cuff of his sleeve. “I don’t blame her for skipping lunch.”

“It’s not that, it’s —” Aria hesitated, wondering if it would be best to let Kai explain. “She had to stay back.”

“Alone in a classroom with Greyhame? What did she do to deserve that punishment?” Peter said.

“Nothing!” Aria responded forcefully. “Sorry, Peter, I know you were just kidding. But she really didn’t do anything wrong. Greyhame is just being unreasonable.”

“When is she not?” Peter said sympathetically.

“Why did she have to stay back then?” Remus asked. 

“Greyhame wanted her to redo her Boggart,” Aria admitted. Before she had a chance to say anything more, Kai sat down next to Remus, her eyes red from crying. He slipped an arm around her. “What happened?” 

She just shook her head. Peter pushed a bowl of soup towards her, but she didn't touch it. 

“Kai I’m so sorry, I should’ve done something, I shouldn’t have let her force you to stay back,” Aria said, wishing she could do something that would make Kai feel better.

“S’not your fault,” Kai mumbled into Remus’ shoulder. No one else seemed to know how to comfort Kai either, so they sat in silence while Remus rubbed her back and let her sob into his cardigan. 

“I guess now wouldn’t be a good time to mention that us guys got detention from the old hag,” James said.

“Tonight?” Aria asked.

“Yeah. Cleaning bedpans no less,” Peter said with a groan. 

“Want to ditch?” Sirius suggested. “On behalf of of Kai and anyone else Greyhame’s tortured with their worst fears.”

Aria then realised that the boys must’ve had their Boggart practical class this morning too. She wondered, with a sinking feeling, what Sirius and Remus had faced in that lesson.

“You can if you want, but I won’t,” Remus said. “As a prefect, it would set a very bad example to be skipping detentions. It’s bad enough that I got one in the first place.”

“Not when it’s coming from Greylame,” James said. “She gives out detentions like Flitwick gives out sweets.”

“That may be true, but I still won’t skip it.”

“Alright. Then I guess we’re all scrubbing bedpans tonight,” Sirius said. “We’re not going to let you do it alone, Moony.”

“I’ll be glad for the help.” Remus smiled softly at him. 

On their way to Transfiguration after lunch, Remus stopped Aria and pulled her to the side. “What was Kai’s Boggart?” he asked in a low voice.

Aria shook her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that.” She remembered Kai’s parting words:  _ don’t tell Remus.  _ As much as she understood why Remus would want to know, she had to honour Kai’s wish. “You wouldn’t want to know anyway.” The image of the werewolf howling at Kai filled her head and she shivered.

“It was me wasn’t it?” Remus’s face was blank, but the pain in his eyes was visceral.

“I really can’t say, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it was me.” Remus’s voice cracked a little and Aria’s heart broke.

“It wasn’t you, it was a Boggart. You can’t put any of this on yourself.” Remus was ashamed enough of himself as it was, he didn’t need to think Kai feared him too. 

“I'm not surprised she was terrified,” he said quietly, interrupting her thoughts. 

Aria didn't know what to say to that. 

~

“You will stay here and scrub until I tell you to stop.” Greyhame pushed open the door to the hospital wing. “Without magic of course.” She showed them a pile of stinking bedpans in the corner, but neglected to come any closer. “I will be watching you all closely. If you so much as think about leaving early, or using magic, then you’ll find yourself scrubbing bedpans every night for a month.”

Remus wrinkled his nose at the stench, but picked up a brush and started scrubbing one of the pans. 

“Have these not been cleaned since last year?” James whispered.

“Did I say you could talk?” Greyhame said loudly from behind them. Remus ignored her and kept scrubbing. As he worked, his mind wandered back to the conversation he’d had with Aria after lunch. He regretted putting her on the spot, but he had to know what had prompted such a reaction out of Kai. Her well-being was his first priority, and the thought of her being so traumatised by the reality of who her brother was left a sour taste in his mouth. He’d always known his condition would repulse most people, but Kai had been so adamant that she didn’t mind. That she loved him in spite of it. Knowing now that he was actually her biggest fear felt like his world had been thrown off balance. 

A large crash sounded outside the hospital wing.

“What was that?” Greyhame asked.

The four boys simply shrugged, taking advantage of her ‘no talking’ policy. 

“I have to go investigate. Do not move a muscle until I get back.” Greyhame drew her wand and marched out the door.

“If we can’t move a muscle, how are we supposed to clean these things?” Sirius wondered.

“Don’t worry about cleaning them.” James smirked. “I don’t think she’ll be coming back for a good long while.”

“And why’s that?” said Peter.

“PEEVES!” Greyhame roared. “I’ll have your head for this!”

“You’ll have to catch me first!” Peeves responded in a sing-song voice.

“That’s why,” James said.

“You sent Peeves to create a distraction?” Peter peered through the gap in the door to try and get a glimpse of the action.

“Yep.” James was looking far too pleased with himself. 

“Brilliant.” Sirius threw down his brush and James yelped.

“Don’t get that on me!”

“Just clean it off, she’s not here anymore thanks to you.” Sirius pulled out his wand and waved it at the bedpans. They flew into a neat stack, all perfectly clean. 

“So what do we do now?” Peter asked.

“We can’t leave, eventually she’ll come back and I don’t want to invoke any more of her wrath. We may as well stay here.” James sat back against the nearest bed and folded his arms behind his head.

“I hope Peeves drops a chandelier on her head,” Remus muttered.

“Still mad about the Boggarts, huh?” James said.

“And Kai,” added Remus. It was half-true, but he was angrier with himself than he was with Greyhame. He remembered his Boggart-friends lying before him, dead.  _ Who wouldn’t be scared of the thing that did that?  _ He could see their lifeless eyes, the blood pouring out of the gashes he’d put there. There had been gashes on Sirius’s body mixed in with bruises from his family, another one of Remus’s worst fears.

“Moony? You okay?”

Remus blinked and he was now seeing an alive version of Sirius looking at him with concern. “I’m fine.” 

“It’s okay not to be, you know.” Sirius took a deep breath. “The Boggart wasn’t fun for me either.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably. The Boggart hadn’t been fun for any of his friends, particularly Sirius. He didn’t need to burden any of them further with his own problems. 

“You can always talk to us,” Sirius insisted. “No matter what.”

“I know,” Remus said. 

“Let’s change the subject,” James said tentatively after a moment. “Enough about the Boggart, it’s just making everyone feel worse.”

“I agree,” said Peter. “Let’s talk about how James is never going to get Lily to go out with him instead.”

James scowled. “You don’t know that. I’m playing the long game.”

“If by long you mean putting a longer distance between you and Lily then you are correct,” Peter joked.

“Big talk from a guy who got turned down by Florence in fourth year.”

“Hey, at least I stopped asking after she turned me down the first time.”

His friends continued to bicker, but Remus didn’t pay them much attention. He was still struggling to get the image of the Boggart out of his head. A change of subject wasn’t enough to shake the fear of harming the people he loved.

“— never talk about any of the girls you fancy. Every second girl at Hogwarts has her eye on you and it’s like you don’t even notice.” James was now talking to Sirius, and Remus tried to listen more closely.

“I’m not blind, James.” Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. “I just don’t like any of them like that.” This was the sort of answer Remus would expect from him. For as long as he could remember, Sirius had never had an open crush on anyone.

“Not even one?”

“No. And even if I did I wouldn’t tell you.”

“You wouldn’t tell me?” James sounded wounded. “I thought we were best friends. We tell each other everything.”

Remus could understand why Sirius wouldn’t want to tell them. There were plenty of things he didn’t want his friends to know. He’d never even intended for them to find out about his condition. 

“You know I love you, James, but there are some things I’d just rather keep to myself.” When James continued to pout, Sirius moved to grab him in a headlock and mess up his hair. “Besides, you talk enough about Lily for the both of us.”

“Okay, okay, we’re cool,” James laughed. “But if I catch you snogging one of them in a broom closet then I’ll be having words.”

“You won’t have to worry about that,” said Sirius firmly. 

Remus tried to imagine Sirius snogging a girl in a broom closet, but the concept just felt  _ wrong  _ to him. The door slammed open before Remus could think too hard about it, and Greyhame limped inside. Her robe was ripped, her grey hair was a mess and her glasses were askew. 

“What did you get Peeves to do to her?” Peter murmured to James.

“Nothing. That was all Peeves,” James replied, not sounding very sorry for Greyhame.

Their teacher jumped a little when she saw the four of them sitting there. “You’re still here? How surprising.”

“We finished the scrubbing.” Sirius pointed at the gleaming tower of bedpans.

“Oh you did, did you?” Greyhame edged closer and gave the stack a suspicious sniff. “Hmm, perhaps you aren’t as useless as you look. You may go. The next time you’re late, I’ll have you scrubbing Flobberworm slime off the greenhouse walls.”

She didn’t have to tell them twice. Remus and his friends scrambled to their feet and scurried out of the room. 

“I can’t believe she didn’t suspect us of using magic,” Peter said.

“Did you see the state she was in? I’m surprised she remembered we were still there,” Sirius replied.

They turned to the right, but were blocked by an enormous pile of rubble. Peeves had somehow made part of the roof cave in. Bits of stone and other debris covered the floor and the sounds of several portraits groaning in pain could be heard from the wreckage. 

“Wow, Peeves really outdid himself,” James said, sounding impressed. 

“Guess we’ll have to go the long way back.” Remus kicked a piece of debris out of the way and headed for the east staircase.

~

“You guys go ahead and have lunch,” Aria told her friends when they arrived at the Great Hall. “I have to go to the bathroom.” 

She caught Kai’s eye, and Kai hurriedly added, “I’ll come too.” 

“Why is it,” mused Remus, “that girls always go to the bathroom in packs?”

“Girl stuff,” Aria answered swiftly. That was usually the answer that got boys to lose interest. She was right; Remus shrugged and didn’t question them further.

“Hey Aria!” Aiden waved at her from inside the Hall. She hesitantly lifted a hand to wave back.

James elbowed her in the ribs. “See? I told you he liked you.” 

Aria rolled her eyes. “We have Charms after lunch right?” she said, ignoring him. 

“Yes,” said Peter.

“Okay good. Flitwick won’t mind if we’re a bit late.”

“Why would you be late? You’re just going to the bathroom,” Remus asked.

“Again, girl stuff,” Kai replied for Aria.

Remus held up his hands. “Okay, I really don’t want to know. See you two in Charms.”

Aria and Kai laughed and waved goodbye. 

“That was so easy,” Kai said when they’d rounded the corner.

“Works a charm every time,” Aria agreed.

“Why is it always us that has to do this? I feel like the boys haven’t had as many turns this year.” 

“Well I’m the best at potions and the bathroom excuse only works for us girls.”

“True. We can’t have the boys trying it and then Remus deciding to go with them,” Kai said.

“Also James and Sirius were a big help with some of the enchantments this potion needed before. I don’t think I could’ve managed without them.”

“Fair enough. Now that it’s just brewing away quietly they’ve probably lost interest.” The pair stopped to wait for the fourth floor staircase to move their way.

“It’s not totally boring. Last week it was emitting dark grey bubbles.” One of them had been the size of Aria’s head.

“When they popped they smelt like rotten eggs. The others would probably be glad to miss out on those.”

Aria scrunched her nose at the memory. “Thank God the rotten egg smell has passed.”

“Still one month to go, right?” Kai asked.

“Presuming everything goes to plan, yes.” They’d started it roughly five months ago, at the end of last year, and were getting close to the final stages. 

No one else knew about the passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor, as far as they knew. The potion had been brewing there now for a couple of weeks. Aria glanced down the corridor to make sure the coast was clear before saying the enchantment. The glass in the mirror slowly disappeared, leaving a sizeable hole which led to the passage.

The silver potion bubbled merrily, emitting clouds of pungent steam that made Kai cough and Aria’s eyes water. “Looks like —” Kai paused to muffle a cough in her sleeve “— it’s still fine.” 

“It is supposed to be silver, right?” 

Aria fished in her pocket for the piece of parchment onto which she’d copied down the instructions.

“Yes. Dark grey last month —” she coughed “— silver is the next stage.”

“And what colour will it be when it’s ready?” asked Kai, wiping her eyes.

“Just a sec.” Aria covered the cauldron with the lid, limiting the amount of steam that poured out of it. She consulted her notes again. “Colourless. And no more steam.”

“Good. Bloody hell that stuff is strong. Is that all we need to do today?”

“Yes. If we stir it it will curdle and we’ll have to start again.”

“We better not stir it, then,” Kai said. 

“Let’s go and have lunch, I’m starved,” Aria said as she tucked the parchment away in her pocket.

“Good idea,” Kai replied. “Let’s hope it smells better than that.” She jerked a thumb at the potion as she turned to leave. 

~

James burst through the door and skidded to a halt. “Guys, I just had a brilliant idea!”

“Shhh!” Aria and the other Marauders glared at him.

“Moony’s asleep,” Sirius explained, pointing to a mess of brown curls, the only thing that could be seen above the covers on one of the beds.

“Oh. Sorry. But I do have a really great idea. Should we wake him up so he can hear?”

“No,” Kai said firmly. “Full moon was last night, remember? He needs to rest.”

James nodded. He took two cautious steps back from Remus’s bed and sat down on the floor.

“Alright, let’s hear it,” Sirius said lazily. Aria wasn’t fooled though, there was a familiar twinkle in his eye that told her he was already invested.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done one of our classic pranks, and I thought it was time for another one.”

“As long as it’s not on Greyhame. I hate the old hag just as much as any of you, but she’ll use any excuse to make our lives hell, particularly us half-bloods,” Kai said.

“I was thinking we could do it to a teacher with a sense of humour.”

“Cut to the chase, what’s the prank, James?” Sirius asked.

James grinned. “Okay, so I was thinking, what if we could charm a teacher’s chalk to write stuff on the board?

“That's pretty hard to conceal,” Peter pointed out. “If the chalk just starts floating randomly the teacher will know it’s a prank.”

“No, no,” James hurried to correct himself. “I mean, like, while it’s in the teacher’s hand, so it looks like they're writing it.”

“That would have to be non-verbal,” Aria said. “Is it just a simple locomotion charm?”

“Even if it was that simple, you’d need a lot of precision to get it to write neatly,” said Sirius.

“Aria could do it,” Kai suggested. “She’s got neat handwriting, and teachers rarely suspect her of stuff.” 

Aria thought for a minute. “I could maybe do it, but I might need to practise. Non-verbal spells aren’t my strong suit. And as Sirius said, it would need precision. Is there another spell we could use?”

“Well…” James broke off to think for a moment. “Wait, doesn’t Slughorn charm his chalk to write by itself? We should be able to mess with that.” 

“So does that mean we’re doing it in Potions?” Aria asked. Potions was one of her best subjects and she didn’t want to lose marks over this prank.

“Why not? Slughorn’s a good sport, and he’ll never suspect you. You got invited to the Slug Club, he loves you,” James insisted. 

“Alright,” Aria conceded. “But I will need to practice beforehand.”

They spent another half-hour arguing over the specifics of necessary incantations (“Are you sure it’s not just  _ Wingardium Leviosa _ ?” “Of course not, Peter”), and then even more time practising. Aria managed to get the spell down pretty quickly, but making it work non-verbally took a bit more work.

“What lesson should we do it in?” Kai asked.

“Let’s make it tomorrow, before I forget,” Aria said.

“Great, we’re all together for Monday Potions so we all get to watch,” James said.

“And cover for me if I get caught.” Aria smiled, she had missed this.

“Okay, us ladies better head to our own dorms, it’s getting late.” Kai yawned and stood up. “Try not to wake Remus as you’re getting ready for bed.”

“About that,” Sirius said. “Should we tell him about the prank?”

“We can tell him tomorrow morning over breakfast,” Kai replied. “I doubt he’d want to miss out on this one.”

  
  



	5. We Didn't Mean to Leave You Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders enact their prank as planned, but it has unforeseen consequences. Professor Greyhame sets a callous essay on werewolves.

“Come on.” Kai tapped her pen on her desk. Did Slughorn always take this long to do the roll? She caught Aria’s eye with a small grin. Aria smiled back. 

Finally, Slughorn waved his wand and the piece of chalk floated into the air. Kai glanced further to her right. James and Sirius were struggling to hide their grins. 

“Today we will be making Hiccoughing Solution,” Slughorn said, and his chalk obediently began to scribble. 

As usual, the chalk wrote the ingredients of its own accord while Slughorn went on about the history and uses of the potion. Normally that was Kai’s strong suit in Potions, if she had one at all, but today she was having trouble paying attention. She kept her gaze fixed on the board; if she looked to her right, she knew she might start laughing. Nonetheless, she risked a look at Aria, whose brow was furrowed in concentration. 

Under the table, Aria’s wand twitched in a careful pattern. 

The effect was instantaneous. The class erupted in laughter. Kai peered at the board, which read  _ Slughorn’s bow tie _ . She giggled. They all knew how much Slughorn loved his bow ties. 

A few moments later,  _ Dumbledore’s beard _ set them off into fresh waves of mirth. Slughorn paused to survey the class, but seeing nothing obviously disruptive, returned to his lecture. Someone behind Kai stifled a snort, and Slughorn broke off mid-sentence to say “Concentrate, please” before continuing right where he’d left off. 

_ Rare ingredient: McGonagall’s patience _

This time, however, Slughorn did think to look behind him. While his back was turned, Kai high-fived Aria under the desk, but sat up quickly as Slughorn snatched his chalk out of the air and turned back to the class. “Since someone here would clearly rather be in Charms than Potions, I’ll have to do this the Muggle way.” He turned to the board once more to write the correct ingredients. 

Kai resisted the urge to roll her eyes; his choice of words was rather ironic considering that it was Aria who’d done the charm. Aria slipped her wand back into her bag, unable to suppress her smile. She hadn’t been particularly enthusiastic about playing a prank on Slughorn, Kai knew, but she seemed quite pleased with herself now. It probably helped that they hadn’t been caught. 

Kai ducked her head to hide her own grin, and sketched the rough outline of a bow tie onto what Slughorn probably thought was her notes. She was just beginning to add some creases to it when she felt a gaze on her. 

As soon as she saw the sadness in Remus’s eyes, she remembered. They’d forgotten to tell him at breakfast, like they’d planned.  _ Shit.  _ “I —” she began, but he’d already turned away again. He shifted his chair a few inches to the left, away from her. 

Suddenly the prank didn’t seem quite so funny anymore. 

When the bell went, Remus was the first out the door. Kai cursed and ran after him, almost overturning her cauldron onto the mess of books and ingredients still scattered across her desk. “Remus, wait!” 

He didn’t turn, but he stopped walking. 

“Remus, please. I’m sorry. Last night, we — you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you after full moon. I promise we were going to tell you, but we just forgot. I know I did, but I guess I hoped one of the boys would…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “No. I shouldn’t blame them. I fucked up and I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to leave you out.” 

“None of us did,” said Peter from behind her. “We’re all sorry.”

“It was an accident, I swear,” said Sirius. “We wanted you to be included, we really did.” 

Remus said nothing for a second. “We should probably get going before we’re late to second period.” His face was impassive, but Kai was close enough to see the red rimming his eyes. When she nodded agreement, he set off again. 

Kai made to follow him, but remembered the state in which she’d left her desk and turned back towards the classroom. 

“I got your books,” said Aria. 

“You are a legend.” Kai glanced over her shoulder at Remus, who was still walking. They both had Arithmancy next, but he didn’t seem to want to walk with her. Which wasn’t altogether unfair. 

~

“Oh, it’s so nice to be clean again after double Herbology,” Kai muttered, stretching out on one of the couches by the Gryffindor common room fire. “We got  _ so  _ muddy, you would not believe.” 

“So did we,” said Peter. “I swear I’ll be combing dirt out of my hair for weeks.” 

Aria laughed from her armchair. “At least you didn’t get a pot of soil upended all over you. Unlike Kai and me.” 

Kai rolled her eyes. “Yeah, alright, so I’m not great at Herbology. We knew that.” 

“It was an accident, I’m not blaming you.” 

“Better than finishing Friday with double Defence,” said Remus darkly, tipping his head back against the couch Kai lay on. 

She sat up quickly, tucking her feet under her and leaning towards him. “What happened?”

“Lesson on werewolves, as you probably know,” said James. “Never a good topic to cover with Greylame, but —”

“I thought we’d covered all there was to cover back in third year. How did she have two more lessons of this?”    
“But,” James continued, “she set us this horrific essay. On ‘werewolves and the savage danger they present to the safety of wizardkind and Muggles alike’. Three bloody feet by Monday.” 

“Like she gives a damn about Muggles’ safety,” mumbled Sirius, but the joke fell flat. 

“Are you kidding?” said Kai. 

James shook his head slowly, the firelight reflecting off his glasses. “Didn’t you get the same essay?” 

“I think we’re a lesson behind,” said Aria, snuggling deeper into her blanket. “We got behind after Boggarts, I think. So far we’ve only had the lesson on how to recognise werewolves.” 

Remus’s gaze stayed firmly on the worn carpet as he spoke. “Well, next class you can look forward to hearing all about how I’m a monster who only wants to attack and bite so-called ‘ordinary people’.” He laughed bitterly. “Oh, and how I’m a disgusting half-breed.” 

“Greyhame’s full of shit,” Kai snapped immediately. “I can’t believe she expects anyone to write three feet on this, but especially you? That’s insane.” 

James added, “Greylame has no idea what she’s talking about. She’s barely qualified to teach about this.” 

“I’m not going to bother.” 

Kai frowned. That wasn’t like him, even with Greyhame’s essays and even the week of a full moon. Even if he didn’t always care as much as she did, he’d still never missed a homework assignment if he could help it. “I’ll do it for you.” 

He turned to look up at her. “What? Kai, no, you don’t have to —”

“No. It’s fine. You know Greyhame will take any opportunity to fail you, and I’m not going to let her.”  _ Even if my essay will be rubbish,  _ she thought.  _ Better than nothing.  _ “Plus, my handwriting is very similar to yours. She might not even know.” 

Remus still looked uncertain. She smiled at him, a smile she didn’t  _ quite _ feel. “It’ll be fine. I’ll do it tomorrow afternoon and we’ll be done with it.” 

“Aren’t you just going to have to write the same essay again on Monday?” Remus asked. “Or Tuesday, or whenever you have Defence next?” 

Kai shrugged. “I don’t intend to remember a word of what I write for yours, so it’s not like I’ll write the same thing again.” 

“We could talk to McGonagall,” suggested Peter. “Surely she wouldn’t let this happen.” 

Remus sighed. “Don’t bother. No need to do all that on my account. Kai, are you sure this is alright? I can do it.” 

“You shouldn’t have to. It’s fine. I’ll do it.” 

~

As the hands of the clock made their way past midnight, the study alcoves in Ravenclaw Tower lay silent and abandoned but for one student. Kai set down her quill for a moment to wipe her eyes, then cleaned ink off her left hand before continuing. Normally when she sketched she used a Muggle pen — writing with her left hand meant that quill ink went  _ everywhere _ . But Greyhame would notice if Remus’s essay was written in pen, so here she was. She glanced at the parchment. Even without the tears in her eyes and the smudging from her hand, the words on the parchment blurred and shifted before her. 

_ Just one more sentence, _ she told herself.  _ Then one more. You can do this, Kai.  _ She was in Ravenclaw, after all. She shouldn’t be beaten by a stupid essay, no matter the topic. Her hand began to cramp as she tried to hold it clear of the paper, and the sentence about the horrific nature of werewolves seemed to take forever, but finally she added a period to close it. 

She shoved her chair away from the desk, so forcefully it almost tipped over, and threw the quill down.

A foot of parchment still to go, and she could barely take this for a minute more. She headed for the tall windows, pushing aside the blue silk curtain to lean her forehead against the cool glass pane. 

The Hogwarts grounds sparkled silver in the light of the half-full moon. To another, the sight might have held a kind of eerie beauty. To Kai, it was a cruel reminder of what her brother had gone through last week, and would have to endure every month to come. A lump rose in her throat and she turned from the window, leaning on the sill and staring at her own long shadow on the carpet. Greyhame didn’t understand. She could only see lycanthropy as something hateful and malicious. She didn’t know what it was like to have your body torn apart every month, rebuilt into a horrific monster. To lose control of your mind and body regularly, to be so tired and broken afterwards. She didn’t know that a werewolf with no humans to attack would attack itself, nor did she know what kind of scars that left. Even Kai couldn’t fully understand it, no matter how hard she tried. 

She was tempted to write that, or even some of it, into this essay. But Greyhame would take any opportunity to mark their essays down, and Kai’s work on Remus’s behalf might suck anyway. She didn’t want to jeopardise his mark, but perhaps she could save this for her own essay; though she wanted to preserve her own mark as best she could, maybe it was more important that Greyhame read this. Even if she’d never really understand. 

She scuffed one slipper against the carpet.  _ Just a foot more. Then you can go to bed.  _

~

“Surprise, surprise, guess what homework we just got set,” groaned Kai, sliding onto the end of the bench at the lunch table. Remus shuffled over to make room. 

“That stupid anti-werewolf essay,” guessed Peter, though they all knew that was the answer. 

Aria joined the other side of the table. “Ten points to Gryffindor.” 

Kai glared at her empty plate, not interested in filling it. “Due Thursday, not Friday like I thought.” 

“Do you want help with your essay, Kai?” said James around a mouthful of lunch. 

She set her jaw and shook her head. “No. I don’t have a good enough reason to hand in someone else’s work. I’ll cope.” Tears pricked at her eyelids, but she blinked them back. 

“Kai —” Remus began. 

“No. I’ll be alright.” She swallowed and tried to smile. “Besides, I have a few choice ideas of what I want to say. About bigoted privileged wizards and witches, and where the real problem lies.” 

Remus looked startled. “You don’t have to do that for me.” 

“It’ll make me feel way better about writing the stupid thing.” She shrugged, but her smile collapsed as she burst into tears. 

Aria laid a hand on her arm. “We know you’re smart enough to handle it. That was never the question. We just don’t want you to feel alone, ok?” 

Kai nodded slowly. “You guys have your own work to do. And besides, you probably don’t want to hear me cursing Greyhame with every expletive known to man while I try to decide if any of them are appropriate to put in my essay.” And she didn’t want to let on to them just how much she struggled with essays. They’d seen her write essays before, but she was always careful to disguise her frustration. 

Sirius snorted. “I appreciate the warning, but that actually sounds quite entertaining.” 

Remus wrapped an arm around Kai, and the others clambered over the top of the table to join the hug. 

“If you want to be alone, that’s ok,” said James from somewhere in the pile. “Just know that you don’t  _ have _ to be.” 

Kai smiled slightly. “Thank you.” 

~

Kai stuck her hands under the bathroom faucet, watching the blue ink swirling down the drain. She’d finally finished her essay, and Greyhame was going to hate it.  _ Well, let her hate it. Let her hate reading it as much as I hated writing it.  _ The words on the page had been nowhere near as tidy as the ideas in her brain, though that was normal, but she’d managed to cover bigotry (a not very subtle dig at Greyhame herself) and the need for a cure for lycanthropy. Greyhame was probably going to tell her that the essay was unstructured and badly sequenced — nothing new — and that her grammar was awful. That, too, was nothing new. She found it difficult to manage, in English and in Welsh. 

None of that mattered. She’d finished the damn essay, and she’d even managed to do it Tuesday night instead of leaving it until Wednesday night. Well, it was Wednesday morning by now, but she was still pleased with her achievement. She pumped a fist in the air, since someone had to celebrate, but accidentally spilled water down her T-shirt in the process. 

Too tired to change out of the sweatpants and damp T-shirt she was already wearing, she crawled straight into her four-poster bed and hauled the duvet and blanket over her. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow. 

~

Last period was never a good time to have a class, since most of the class was raring to leave. McGonagall had said many times that her Transfiguration class sixth period on Wednesday was nigh unmanageable some weeks. Kai was finding this one particularly difficult, though. The classroom was warm, just a fraction stuffy, and Kai herself was running on five and a half hours of sleep. Not a great combination. Oh, and it was a theory class, so there was nothing much to  _ do _ but listen to McGonagall go over spell instructions she’d already heard. 

She could listen with her head on the desk, surely. She wouldn’t fall asleep, just rest her eyes a little. Then, once they went back to Gryffindor Tower, she could take a nap. That would work. It would all be fine. She settled her head on her arms, trying to relax as much as possible.  _ Don’t fall asleep, _ she warned herself.  _ Just rest.  _

The next thing she knew, Aria dug an elbow into her ribcage. She sat up, startled and displeased. “What was that for?” she hissed. 

“You fell asleep. I don’t think McGonagall noticed, though.” 

Indeed, McGonagall was still teaching, her gaze for once not resting on the Marauders in the back row. Unfortunately, she was now discussing something that Kai wasn’t familiar with, and her heart sank. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Hopefully she could ask Aria what she’d missed. 

Thank goodness Aria had caught her instead of McGonagall, though. 


	6. I Love You a Latte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aria agrees to go on a date that turns into a disaster. A confrontation with Snape before the full moon increases his suspicions of what Remus is up to each month.

Aria jealously watched Jocelyn and her new boyfriend feed each other bits of toast out of the corner of her eye.

“Look at those two,” she told Kai, who was sitting across from her.

“Hm?” Kai looked around blearily. She hadn’t been getting enough sleep recently and was often tired in the morning. Aria wondered if the fifth year workload was getting to her. 

“Jocelyn and Kevin.” Aria tried to point at them discreetly.

“Oh. Ew, can they ditch the PDA?” Kai pulled a face.

“That’s not the point, I just,” Aria paused, trying to work out a way to phrase it so she didn’t sound like she was whining. “I’ve been single for so long.”

“Good for you,” Kai interrupted, while adding milk to her porridge. “It means you have taste.”

“And I want what they have,” Aria finished. She hoped Kai would understand where she was coming from. It wasn’t that she was discontented with her current life, she just wanted something more.

“I think you can feed yourself toast, Aria.”

Aria stuck her tongue out at Kai. “Come on, you know what I mean.” 

“I think so. You’re saying you want a boyfriend, right?” Kai asked. She then covered a yawn with her hand, and Aria felt bad for trying to have a serious conversation with her when she was so exhausted. 

“Yeah, I suppose. But we don’t have to talk about this now.”

“No, no, I’m okay.” Kai stifled another yawn. “Okay, let’s see.” She tapped a finger to the side of her jaw as she thought. “I guess a good starting point would be knowing if there’s someone you like? Like that, I mean.”

“Umm…” Aria did a quick loop of the great hall with her eyes. There were a lot of decent people, but no one really stood out to her. “Not really, no,” she admitted. 

“Well I can’t really help you with that.” Kai trailed off and Aria waited to see if she’d continue. “I guess all I can say is be patient? Someone’s gotta come along eventually, right?” Kai smiled at her encouragingly. Aria tried to smile back, but her heart wasn’t really in it. She knew Kai was trying to be helpful, but she’d been telling herself that same thing for a while now. 

“Hey, Aria.” Aiden was now standing beside Kai, rocking back and forth on his feet nervously. Aria wondered if he’d ever come up with a different greeting. “Are you doing anything this Hogsmeade weekend?” 

“Nothing in particular.”

“Would you perhaps like to go to have a drink with me?” Aiden asked, his voice higher than normal. 

“You mean like Butterbeers in the Three Broomsticks?” Those were the only drinks Aria had in Hogsmeade.

“Actually, I was thinking we might meet in Madam Puddifoot’s?”

 _Madam Puddifoot’s?_ The only people who frequented that tea shop were couples going on dates. 

“Did you mean like a date?” Aria asked. Maybe her friends were right about Aiden’s intentions.

“Yeah, if that’s okay with you,” Aiden stammered.

Kai’s eyes widened and she raised her eyebrows at Aria. Aria knew what she was silently asking, _are you going to say yes?_

“Okay,” Aria found herself replying. She wasn’t particularly attracted to Aiden, but just now had she been complaining about a lack of romance, and here was an opportunity presenting itself to her. She might as well take it.

“Great, I’ll see you there around three.” Aiden grinned and returned to his group of friends. Aria saw one of them thump him on the back. She supposed it mustn’t have been easy for him to ask her out.

“Okay, what the hell was that?”

Aria turned back to Kai, who had an incredulous expression on her face. “What?”

“Why did you say yes? Do you like him?” 

Aria tried to defend herself. “I don’t know if I like him or not yet, but I’m sure I’ll find out on Saturday.”

“Look, I don’t know much about dating and relationships, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to like each other beforehand. And really Aria, _him?_ ”

“He’s not that bad to look at,” Aria retorted. 

“Maybe not, but his personality is sorely lacking.”

“Why can’t you be happy for me? We were just talking about me wanting a relationship, and now I know for certain that someone likes me.” She didn’t know why Kai was so against this. Just because Aiden wasn’t as smart as James or as classically handsome as Sirius didn’t mean he wasn’t worth getting to know. 

Kai sighed, loud and long. “Plenty of people like you, Aria. It doesn’t mean you have to date them all.” 

“Well this was my choice.”

“I know. You can do what you like, doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.”

Aria nodded sullenly and Kai reached over to squeeze her hand. “Hey, if he does anything to make you uncomfortable or slips anything in your drink, come find me and I’ll kick his ass for you.” She smiled at Aria and Aria smiled back. It was impossible to stay mad at Kai.

~

The wind buffeted Aria down the path and she clutched the edges of her skirt to prevent it from blowing up. She’d worn it to look presentable for her date, but she was rapidly regretting it now. Madam Puddifoot’s was near the end of the strip of buildings to her left. She passed the Three Broomsticks, where she knew Kai and the others would be waiting. The fact that she could count on them to be there for her gave her great comfort. If her date went south, at least she had people who would support her afterwards.

The bay windows and the door of Madam Puddifoot’s were painted a lurid pink and Aria had to blink to let her eyes adjust. She didn’t mind pink, but not when it was this offensively bright. The bell above the door tinkled when she opened it, and she was immediately hit with the pungent smell of incense. There was so much of it that the air was slightly hazy. 

“Aria, over here.” Aiden waved at her from a table next to one of the windows. She squeezed between two tightly packed tables and ducked under a low-hanging bow to reach him. Aiden stood up to pull out her chair when she arrived, which would’ve been gentlemanly of him if he hadn’t bumped his own chair into Florence’s when he pushed it back. 

“This place is really cramped, isn’t it?” Aria said after Aiden apologised to Florence.

“Yeah it is, but apparently this is the place all the girls like.” 

“Well, this is my first time coming here.” Aria decided not to mention that she hated everything about the teashop, from the colour to the crocheted doilies covering the table. 

“Me too,” Aiden said. It was clear that he’d put effort into his appearance for the date; his sandy hair had product in it and there was a tasteful pattern on his jumper. But try as she might, Aria felt nothing when looking at him. 

“So, Aiden, tell me something about yourself? I feel like I hardly know you.” Perhaps if she got to know him, she would be pleasantly surprised. 

“Well my dad works for the printing press that prints the _Daily Prophet_ …” Aiden launched into a boring explanation of font regulations and ink standards. Between the heavily incensed air and the insipidity of Aiden’s story, Aria was closer to falling asleep than paying attention.

“You lovebirds ready to order?” A robust, syrupy voice broke Aria out of her stupor. A lady, who she assumed was Madam Puddifoot, stood at their table. She was wearing a lacy, purple apron and a pink notepad was floating beside her. 

“One moment please.” Aria scanned the menu, cringing at the nauseating names of all the drinks. “I think I’ll have an ‘I love you a latte’ please.”

“And I’ll have a ‘cherish me cappuccino’,” Aiden said. 

“Coming right up, sugars.” She weaved her way around the tables with difficulty on her way back to the counter.

“I think she needs to reconfigure this room,” Aria told Aiden, hoping to change their topic of conversation.

“It does look like it,” Aiden agreed. “So what about you? We’ve talked enough about me and my family.”

 _Thank God,_ Aria thought. “Well my dad is an engineer and my mum is a receptionist for a hotel.”

“En-gin-eer,” Aiden said slowly, sounding the word out. “What’s that?”

Aria opened her mouth to explain, but realised it would take far too long to outline even the basics. “Never mind, I don’t fully understand it myself.”

There was an awkward pause, in which Aria looked around the room, hoping an idea for conversation would pop into her head. She thought conversation was meant to flow naturally, but this one was doing anything but that.

“Do you like Quidditch?” Aiden asked.

“Not really. I’m not a big sports fan.”

“Pity, what’s your favourite position?”

“Chaser, I guess.” That was the position James played in and from what Aria knew about the game, they seemed to be involved with most of the action.

“I’m a Beater.” Now that Aiden mentioned it, Aria did remember him playing for Hufflepuff last year. 

“Well, that’s a good position too,” she said, floundering for the right response.

Over Aiden’s shoulder, Florence and her boyfriend were making out passionately over a plate of profiteroles. To her left, she could see Jocelyn and Kevin attempting to drink their beverages with their arms linked awkwardly. It no longer looked endearing to her, just off-putting. 

“Here you go.” Madam Puddifoot was back, this time with their drinks. “Latte for the missus and a cappuccino for the mister. And here’s a piece of strawberry shortcake on the house.” 

The latte was in a frosted pink glass, and there was a sticky pink syrup dripping down the sides. She supposed she should be grateful for small mercies; Aiden’s cappuccino was in a heart-shaped mug which looked anything but practical. She took a curious sip of her drink and winced. “Ugh, this is way too sweet. And it tastes like strawberries. Where on the menu did it say that?”

“I don’t think it did,” Aiden said. He looked over the menu just to be sure. 

“The shortcake’s nice at least,” she said, taking another bite. _Pity we have to share._ “Probably because it’s meant to taste like strawberries.”

Their conversation stilled again, forcing Aria to drink more of the loathsome drink. Aiden tried in vain to drink his cappuccino without spilling any; a long stripe of pink coffee stained his jumper. 

“Oh dear,” he said, looking down.

“Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.” Aria got out her wand and muttered a simple cleaning spell. The spill had been one of the most interesting things that’d happened so far, which was more than a little sad.

“Do you have any pets?” She tried desperately. “I have a cat named Muffin.”

“I’m allergic to cats.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m not much of an animal person.” _Of course he wasn’t._ “I’d take Divination over Care of Magical Creatures any day.”

“Divination?” 

“Yep, I’m a Leo myself.”

“I’m a Capricorn.” _I’m not interested._ Astrology was all a bunch of baloney to her, but it would be incredibly rude to say that to Aiden.

Aria felt a lot of pressure to make something about this date work, and the atmosphere wasn’t helping. It seemed like every second couple here was snogging the life out of each other; did they have to be so _blatant_? Aiden also looked around at the other customers, except he seemed to get a different idea to Aria. He reached out a hand to cover the one Aria was resting on the table. It wasn’t an especially risqué move, but the shape of his hand around hers didn’t quite fit. His hand was too warm and suffocating, and when he started to lean forward over the candle in the middle, his lips puckered, Aria panicked.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” she exclaimed.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” Aiden pulled back, a concerned expression on his face.

“This date, it hasn’t been a very good one. Haven’t you noticed that we’ve got nothing in common?” Now that the cat was out of the bag, Aria was struggling not to make all her thoughts known.

“Does that really matter?” Aiden asked.

“It matters to me,” she replied resolutely. “I’m sorry.” She grabbed her bag and made her way to the front desk. The least she could do was pay for her own drink.

“I had the ‘I love you a latte’,” she told Madam Puddifoot. God, the words sounded repulsive coming out of her mouth.

“That’ll be one galleon.”

 _A galleon? For that sticky mess of a drink?_ Not wanting to make a scene, Aria threw down a galleon on the counter and hurried to the door. The moment she stepped outside the stuffy shop, she inhaled a deep breath of clean air. Much better. She turned and headed back up the hill, towards the one place she wanted to be right now.

The Three Broomsticks was crowded and noisy, but there were no ribbons or frills and the Butterbeers were cheap and plentiful. Perfect. Her friends were sitting at a table near the bar and they’d left a place for her. 

“So how’d it go?” Kai asked when she sat down. Aria could tell she was biting back a smirk.

“How do you think it went?

“He didn’t try to take advantage of you, did he?” Kai said suddenly, all trace of a smile leaving her face.

“No, nothing like that,” Aria assured her. “We just had absolutely nothing in common. And why did none of you tell me Madam Puddifoot’s is straight out of a hellish fever dream?”

“We assumed you knew,” James said. “Next time, please don’t go out with someone that boring and insufferable.”

“I want to defend him, but he talked for twenty minutes about magical printing presses,” Aria said glumly. 

Kai winced. “That bad?”

“At least it’s over now. I’m getting a Butterbeer.” She needed to get rid of the aftertaste of that latte.

When she returned, Kai pulled her aside and said seriously, “But you’re fine, right? Like it went okay?”

“I’m fine, Kai,” Aria said, smiling at her friend’s concern. “He just really wasn’t the one for me.”

“I knew that,” Kai snorted. “I’m just glad he wasn’t a creep.”

“Honestly, I did think the first thing you’d say to me was ‘I told you so’.”

“Sorry for disappointing you. I told you so. Happy?” 

Aria laughed. “With you guys? Always.”

~

The sun was low in the sky, sending an orange glow across the surface of the lake. The long grass tickled Aria’s ankles as she headed towards the Whomping Willow. Soon, the full moon would appear and Remus would be forced to transform. She and her friends weren’t able to help him through it yet as their Animagi potion still wasn’t ready. Kai was particularly impatient, but impatience didn’t make the potion brew faster. 

Once they reached the top of the hill, they didn’t go any further. The Whomping Willow wasn’t friendly towards those that disturbed it, and no one was technically supposed to know how Remus got to the Shrieking Shack. 

“It’ll be alright, Moony,” Sirius said, rubbing Remus’s shoulder. “Just gotta get through a few more hours, then it’ll be all over.”

“Those hours are the worst part,” Remus said in a small voice.

“We’ll also be waiting for you when you get out,” Peter said, placing his hand on Remus’ other shoulder. Remus shook them both off and walked a few steps away from the group.

“You should just go back inside, I’ll be fine on my own,” he told them.

“Don’t be stupid, we’re staying right here with you,” James said. 

“Yeah, we’ll stay as long as we can,” Kai agreed. She edged closer to her brother and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, holding him close. Remus didn’t shake her off, he even seemed to lean into her for support. Aria averted her eyes; the moment felt too intimate to watch. 

There was a small, sharp sound behind Aria. It sounded like the crack of a twig breaking, so she looked around, wondering if they’d been followed. There was no one in sight, so she hesitantly turned back. 

“Did you hear that?” she asked Peter, who was closest to her.

“Hear what?” he replied. 

“Never mind.” It could’ve easily been a squirrel or a bird, but something about it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“I think I see Pomfrey,” Remus said, looking over towards the Willow. “I’d better go.” 

Kai gave him one last hug and Sirius clapped him on the back.

“Please be safe,” Aria called after him. It was hard to know what to say in these situations, so she decided to go with something honest. Remus’s transformations were never painless, and never pleasant, but if he returned in one piece then she would be content. 

They watched from afar as Madam Pomfrey stopped a safe distance away from the violent tree. She waved her wand to levitate a fallen branch and use it to jab the correct knot in the tree’s trunk. The tree went still and Remus slid down the tunnel beneath the roots.

Kai stood there for a while after he disappeared, staring at the Whomping Willow. The others were starting to head back, so Aria linked her arm in Kai’s to bring her with them.

“It never gets easier,” Kai said, not moving from her spot. “I can’t count how many full moons it’s been. Leaving him alone never gets easier.”

“Soon,” Aria promised her. “Soon you won’t have to leave him. But for now, let’s go back to where it’s warm.” She touched a gentle hand to Kai’s cheek. “Look, you’re freezing.” 

“You’re right.” Kai took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

They’d just started down the hill when James’s loud voice carried through the open air. “And just what are you doing following us, Snivellus?” 

Aria and Kai hurried over to find James, Sirius and Peter cornering Snape, who was standing half behind a tree.

“I could ask the same of you,” Snape said, deflecting James’s question. “What happened to Lupin? Did he get lost along the way?”

“We don’t have to answer you,” Sirius spat. “Fuck right off to whatever hole you crawled out of.”

Snape’s eyes gleamed dangerously. “Defensive, are we? I wonder why that could be?”

James pulled out his wand. “It looks like you might need some extra persuasion.” A flash of blue light shot out and Snape ducked to avoid it. He turned and ran towards the castle.

“I’ll find out what you’re up to eventually, you self-righteous bastards,” he yelled back at them. Sirius flipped him his middle finger.

“Are you saying that slimy fucker was spying on us?” Kai said furiously. 

“Of all people it had to be him.” James kicked the tree Snape had been hiding behind and swore loudly, clutching his foot. 

“You idiot. _Episkey_ ,” Sirius said. 

“Should we tell Remus?” Aria asked.

“Nah, Snape’s bluffing. And even if he isn’t he has no proof,” Sirius said.

“And we wouldn’t want to give him something else to worry about,” Kai added. Her voice shook slightly, and Aria noticed that her entire body was trembling like a leaf. 

“Kai, are you worried there might be a chance that Snape knows?” 

She sniffed. “It’s possible.”

_The full moon was high in the sky, slightly obscured by rain. Aria glanced up, out of the windows of Gryffindor tower. She tried to scratch out another sentence of her essay. It was meant to be another ordinary evening, but something felt different. Kai’s face was pale and tighter than usual, and she had dark shadows under her eyes. Aria hadn't even seen Remus at all since dinner, and for once, James and Sirius were quiet._

_“Hey Kai, where's Remus?” James’ voice cut through the silence._

_“He's ill.” Kai spoke shortly, without looking up._

_“That's what you said last month,” Sirius said. “Last full moon.”_

_“So?” Kai was still tense._ The full moon, Remus being ill, Hope not replying to my mother’s letters... _Aria started to put the pieces together._

_“And the full moon before that, your mother was ill.”_

_“Leave me alone!” Kai shouted suddenly, rising to her feet. No one spoke for a few seconds. The only noise came from the rain hitting the windows. Aria took a closer look at Kai’s face and was startled to see tears welling in her eyes. She didn’t look angry, she looked scared._

_“Kai, what —” Aria began._

_Kai cut her off. “I'm going to bed.” She turned to go but Aria got up and grabbed her arm. “What’s going on? You know you can talk to us, Kai, no matter how scared you are.”_

_“Not this time.” Kai’s voice cracked and she wiped away the tears beneath her eyes._

_“If you won’t say it, I will. He’s a werewolf, isn't he?” Sirius said, looking straight at Kai._

_Kai didn’t reply, but she didn’t need to. Her face gave her away. Her chest began to heave and Aria thought she might have a panic attack._

_“Oh my God,” Aria whispered, releasing her arm. “A werewolf? For how long?”_

_Kai sank down onto her chair and burst into tears, shoulders shaking. “Since we were five.”_

_“Wow,” Aria exhaled._

_“Please don’t hate him,” Kai whispered. “It’s not his fault.”_

_“Why would we hate him? He’s the same person we’ve always known,” Aria said, insulted that Kai would even have to ask her that._

_“Aria, you may not know this, but there’s always been a stigma against werewolves in the Wizarding world,” Sirius explained gently. “Werewolves, they’re considered worse than Muggle-borns, worse than, well, anything really.”_

_“But it’s not their fault! They didn’t choose to live that way,” Aria insisted._

_“I agree of course, the stigma is a bunch of bollocks if you ask me, but that’s just the way things are,” Sirius said._

_“Well, you two are the nicest people I know. And you’re family. I could never hate you,” Aria said, placing a tentative hand on Kai’s knee._

_“So is that why didn’t you say something before?" James asked._

_“Dumbledore told us not to tell anyone,” Kai replied, choking back her tears. “And I didn’t think you would take it well.”_

_Aria took a moment to realise what she was implying. “Kai, we're not going to have him thrown out. Or you. We love you both, and it doesn't matter to us.”_

_“You say that now, but you have no idea what you’re getting into.” Kai took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled down her jumper collar to expose her shoulder. A white scar traced the line of her collarbone, surrounded by a few other small scars. They looked remarkably similar to the scars running across Remus’s face, and Aria realised she’d never seen Kai bare her shoulders, even in summer._

_“The werewolf that turned Remus did that to me. I love my brother, but he’s not himself when he turns. Werewolves, they’re_ dangerous, _and it’s just —” Kai broke off and started to cry again. “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt,” she eventually said._

_“We’re not going to let you go through this alone,” Peter said._

_James nodded. “We’ll figure something out. You and Remus deserve better.”_

_Kai got to her feet. “Thank you for saying that, but I, I don’t know what to think. I think I need to be alone for a while.” She took a few stumbling steps backwards before turning and running out of the common room. No one moved to stop her._

  
  



	7. Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders are almost ready to attempt their Animagus transformations. Unfortunately, they still have to deal with a suspicious Snape, and regular life such as Quidditch.

“Have you started the Transfiguration essay?” Aria asked. 

Kai rubbed her face. “Ugh. No. I had to finish Potions first. I’ll do Transfiguration tonight.” Remus, leaning on her shoulder, shot her a glance, but she ignored it. Full moon two days ago hadn’t been as bad as it sometimes was, but he was still a bit wiped out. 

A snide voice from behind them interrupted, “Prefect hasn’t done her homework? Dear me. And a Ravenclaw prefect no less.” 

She rolled her eyes, trying to ignore Snape despite the heat rising in her cheeks. “Fuck off.” _Don’t pick a fight with Snape_ , she told herself. _Keep your temper._ Last time that had happened, in fourth year, a very disappointed Slughorn had given her detention. Plus Remus was still leaning on her, meaning she couldn’t get to her wand and couldn’t risk him getting involved. She was still tempted to punch Snape in the face, though. _Snape’s an idiot, but you gotta keep it together._

“Have _you_ done the Potions assignment, Aria?” said Sirius, his tone conspiratorial but his voice deliberately loud. 

“Yes, but I’m not letting you copy mine,” she said with a slightly strained laugh. 

“Have you so little faith in me?” Sirius put a hand to his heart. “I’ve done it. I was just asking.” 

“Didn’t sound like it,” said Remus. “Besides, that’s due this period, so I’d really hope you’ve done it. How’s your Transfiguration coming along?” 

Sirius grinned nonchalantly. “Fine. Also, where is Slughorn? He’s usually much earlier than this.” 

“Guess he got comfy in the staffroom with some chocolate,” said Kai, resisting the urge to look over at Snape. _Just pretend he isn’t here._

“Didn’t want to come teach a freak,” suggested Snape, just loud enough for the Marauders to hear. 

Kai’s blood ran cold. _Does he know? Has he guessed?_ After three years she trusted her friends with Remus’s secret. Snape, on the other hand, might very well decide to get them thrown out. Another thought struck her. Did Remus know Snape suspected? 

“Well, of course,” said James lightly. “Who’d want to teach _you_ , Snivellus?” 

Remus and Sirius laughed, and the moment seemed to be gone. 

“At least I show up to all my classes.” Snape shot a pointed glance at Remus. “How convenient for you to keep getting sick.” 

Kai clenched a fist. This full moon had actually been relatively mild, and Remus had only missed first period yesterday. Still, the comment set her on edge as she remembered Monday night. Though she itched to punch Snape in the teeth, if Slughorn arrived and saw them fighting—again—she was going to be in so much trouble, and she couldn’t afford to get more detentions. She had too much work to catch up on and barely enough time to sleep as it was. A lump rose in her throat, and she folded her arms. _Keep it together, Kai. Ignore him._

“Lay off them, Snape,” snapped Aria from behind her. Kai jumped. 

“And what are you going to do about it, Mudblood?” 

Aria said nothing more, but shot a jinx right at him. Nothing serious, just a Jelly-Legs Jinx. Unfortunately, he ducked. When he fired a spell of his own, Aria wasn’t as quick to duck as he had been. His Furnunculus Curse hit her squarely in the face. 

Of course, it was at that moment that Slughorn appeared. “Dear me. What on earth is going on here?” 

“Parker tried to curse me, sir,” whined Snape immediately. 

Slughorn glanced at Aria, who was trying in vain to hide the effects of the curse already showing on her face. “Then who cursed Miss Parker?” 

“Snape, of course,” said Kai. 

“Permission to take Aria to the hospital wing, sir?” said James. 

Slughorn nodded. “Mr Potter, you may go. Miss Lupin, Mr Snape, you will stay behind after class. I want to get to the bottom of this.” 

There was no way any of the other Marauders would have let Kai stay back alone; that was how it happened that six students stood clustered by Slughorn’s desk as the bell rung, not two. Kai was grateful for the support. She didn’t care to spend any time more or less alone with Snape, not least because she wasn’t convinced she wouldn’t have hit him for cursing Aria. 

“Mr Snape, would you be so good as to give your version of events.” 

“Parker tried to curse me, sir. Out of nowhere.” 

Remus grumbled, “What a load of—” but stopped when Kai elbowed him. He was correct, but Slughorn would not take kindly to being interrupted. 

“What sort of curse?” asked Slughorn. 

“Er, I think it was the Reductor Curse, sir.”

Now Sirius looked like he was about to interrupt, but Peter kicked him in the shin before he could. 

After a pause, Slughorn turned to Kai. “Miss Lupin. Your version of events, please?” 

Kai drew herself up straight. “My friends and I were talking about Transfiguration homework, and Snape butted in to make fun of us.” 

“Mostly Kai and Remus,” added James. 

“So Aria told him to stop,” Kai continued, “and he called her a Mudblood, so she jinxed him. It wasn’t a Reductor Curse, it was a Jelly-Legs Jinx.” 

“Mr Snape, is this true? Were you mocking Miss Parker and the others?” 

“No sir!” 

Kai glared at him, then turned back to Slughorn. “He made some rude comments about, er, subjects which are sensitive to us.” 

Slughorn turned back to Snape, saying nothing. The silence stretched longer and longer. Finally, Slughorn said, “Provoked or not, Mr Snape, you cursed Miss Parker. Detention. As for the rest of you, I will speak to your Heads of Houses. But for now, you may go.” 

They sat at the Ravenclaw table for lunch that day. Reaching over the table for a plate of chicken, Peter said, “Slughorn didn’t totally believe us. Do we go to McGonagall? We can’t keep hexing Snape and getting in trouble for it, every time he says something mean.” 

“Much as I’d like to,” muttered Kai, stirring her soup. She had a bad feeling Snape had started to put the dots together from Monday night, and she desperately hoped Remus hadn’t noticed. He didn’t need the additional stress. 

“I’d personally rather not make a fuss,” said Remus. “Not worth it.” 

Aria entered the Great Hall at that point, and Kai half-stood to wave to her. Grinning, Aria hurried over and joined the bench beside James. “Did Snape get in trouble?” 

“Detention.” Kai smiled, relishing the word—and the fact that it had not been applied to the Marauders. “Not sure Slughorn believed us about the other stuff, but he did see Snivellus curse you. You feeling better?” 

“Yes. Madam Pomfrey is wonderful, fixed me up pretty quickly. I was expecting it’d take longer, actually.” Her eyes darted in the direction of a loaf of bread sitting beside Kai’s elbow. 

Kai passed her the bread. “Well, screw Snape. I’d rather focus on lunch.” 

“Agreed,” said Peter with his mouth full, nearly spraying crumbs over Sirius in the process. He swallowed, then said, “And if it happens again, _then_ we can go to McGonagall, yeah?” 

“I have to say I’d prefer that to getting cursed,” said Aria. 

~

October 25. Kai crossed the date off her calendar, grinning. Their potion was ready, six months after they’d started it. 

“Someone’s birthday?” 

Kai jumped and turned to see Diana, one of her roommates. 

“Er… yes? One of… my cousins,” she lied. 

Diana smiled. “Cool! I hope they have a good day.” Somehow Diana seemed to get on with everyone; Kai struggled to make friends with people she couldn’t really confide in, but she still found it difficult to dislike Diana. Even though she’d been rather rude to her roommates a few times in second year—it had been a stressful time, but that didn’t mean she’d been in the right—Diana still treated Kai like a friend, something she didn’t exactly deserve thanks to all her secrecy. 

Kai forced a smile in reply. “I’ll pass it on.” 

“I read something the other day that I thought you might be interested in—a charm that makes drawings come to life. I know you like to draw, so…” 

“That does sound very interesting.” Kai was itching to leave and wake Aria up, to tell her about the potion. Partly she wanted to figure out when they could do the next steps. “Look, I’m sorry, I gotta go. I need to, um, write to my cousin, to make sure it gets there on time. But I’d love to hear about that!” 

“That’s all good. Remind me later,” said Diana with another smile. 

Grateful that Diana didn’t seem too offended, Kai grabbed her dressing gown and dashed out the door. 

Predictably, Aria was still sleeping when Kai slipped into the Hufflepuff common room. Aria’s dorm-mates barely batted an eye at Kai, fortunately, as she sat down on Aria’s bed and tweaked the patchwork quilt away from her friend’s face. 

“Wha’?” mumbled Aria, trying to grab the blanket back. 

“It’s October 25th.” 

“And?” 

Kai leaned closer and whispered, “You-know-what is ready.” 

Aria rolled over abruptly, her eyes flying open. “Really?” 

“Yep!” Kai bounced with excitement, making the whole bed shake. 

“Get out and let me get dressed,” said Aria, but she was smiling too, her green eyes alight. 

Kai stood up, narrowly avoiding smacking her head on the rail of Aria’s four-poster. “I better get dressed too. Come to my dorm?” 

“I’d rather not, but I can if you want.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back here.” With that, she ducked back out of the room, feeling like she was floating on air even as she slogged up the multiple staircases back to Ravenclaw Tower. 

~ 

“Six months ago I thought this potion was going to take forever. But now it feels like we started it yesterday,” Aria commented. 

Kai considered the idea as they ducked past the mirror. “No. It feels like it’s been forever.” 

Aria shrugged. “Fair enough.” 

Six months ago they’d finally been successful at keeping a Mandrake leaf in their mouths a full month. Under the light of the full moon they’d had to spit their leaves into a crystal phial and add some other stuff, including one of their own hairs. Kai wasn’t entirely sure about the rest, because Aria had done most of the work there, just like she’d done most of the work on the other part of the potion. 

“What now?” Kai said. “Remind me what this next step is?” 

Aria gestured _wait a minute_ ; she held a hair tie between her teeth as she gathered her curls into a ponytail. Once she’d done that, she said, “Gotta split the potion between our phials, then store it away and wait for an electrical storm.” 

“It’s raining right now.” 

The two girls paused for a second, listening to the sound of the rain drumming on the roof far above them. 

“Well, let’s hope some lightning shows up.” Aria rolled up her sleeves and picked up the spoon she would use to divide up the potion. “Grab your phial and hold it steady.” 

Kai did so, averting her face from the unpleasant smell. “So, how do we do this without Remus finding out?” She didn’t want to leave him feeling left out if they all went off to do something they couldn’t tell him about. 

“Well, given the unholy hour at which you woke me up—”

“It was not that early!” 

Aria smiled. “I’m teasing. But still, it’s early in the morning. As far as I can tell, Remus is not a morning person.” 

“No way.” Kai laughed. “You’re right. It’s Saturday, so there’s no way he’ll be up before, like, ten o’clock. At earliest. So I can go grab the others now? Assuming you don’t need me to hold this still.” 

“I’ll levitate them, probably.” 

“Good plan.” 

They’d been right; Remus was still in bed when Kai crept into their dormitory. The Ravenclaw fifth-year girls were a small cohort this year, and only needed one dorm, unlike the two that were needed to house the Gryffindor boys. 

After double-checking that Remus was sound asleep, Kai nudged Sirius. His eyes sprang open and she mouthed “potion ready”. He nodded and mouthed “common room?” She nodded and moved onto Peter’s bed; James’s was already empty, since he was an obnoxiously early riser. 

Sirius and Peter dressed quickly and made their way downstairs; Kai followed, with one final glance at her sleeping brother. 

They found James in the common room and explained what was going on. 

“I completely forgot it was today,” he said, grabbing the jumper he’d thrown over the arm of the couch. 

“Apparently,” said Kai. “And it looks like it’s about to storm! So let’s go meet Aria.” 

As she said the words, lightning flashed outside the common room windows, casting sharp shadows across the room. 

“There you go,” said Sirius. 

They could do it today. Kai could hardly believe it. She definitely couldn’t keep the grin off her face; James glanced at her and smiled. Accompanied by the rumble of the thunder, they eased the portrait open and began to make their way to the fourth floor. 

~

“Is it open enough here?” Kai adjusted the position of her wand, which she was currently using as an umbrella. As useful as the spell was, her shoes were still soaking wet, and her socks squelched with every step. She wrinkled her nose. 

Sirius ducked under James’s umbrella and cast _Lumos_ , looking around the clearing. “I think so.” 

“Whose brilliant idea was it to go round the other side of the lake in a thunderstorm?” asked Peter, huddling closer under his own Umbrella Charm. 

“Forbidden Forest isn’t exactly an open space, mate,” said James. “This, on the other hand, should do. Aria, what do we have to do again?” 

“Ok, so we have to recite a spell, which I have here, with our wand tip on our heart. If it works, you’ll feel, like, a double heartbeat, and then you drink the potion.” 

Kai nodded, fidgeting with her sleeve. Aria didn’t even need to remind them of the spell—they’d all memorised it months ago. 

“Remember,” Aria continued, “you have to try and clear your head. The spell responds to your emotional state, and it won’t work if you aren’t calm and neutral.” 

They all nodded and, without speaking, spread out to put what was hopefully a safe distance between each of them. Kai flipped her hood up and brought down her umbrella; she’d already cast a charm on her robe to keep some of the rain off. “Please work,” she whispered to herself, and set her wand tip to her heart. This had to work — for Remus. 

In a soft chorus, they cast their spells. “ _Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus._ ” 

Silence from all around the clearing. Nothing happened. 

“Did anyone’s work?” hissed Aria. 

Kai shook her head; the others followed suit after a moment. 

“We just gotta keep our heads clear,” said Sirius quietly. 

Kai squeezed her eyes shut; to her left, she could hear Peter repeating his charm. A few seconds later, Sirius said the words too. Lightning flashed in the sky, bright even behind her closed eyelids. In the silence following, rain poured through the trees behind her, pattering on the leaves and trickling down branches. What if this didn’t work? They’d have to wait for another lightning storm, at very least. Thunder boomed. There was a full moon in less than a month, and she wanted to be done by them. No more painful full moons for Remus, and she’d never have to leave him to face one alone again. Not a single one. They’d always been everywhere together; everywhere but here. And now she could be with him for this, too, and they were so close! _Clear your head,_ she remembered, and rubbed her eyes. She had to be calm, neutral for this to work, not stressed. “ _Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus._ ” 

Nothing. Just the pounding of her own heart, nothing more. 

She attempted to bundle the disappointment away to a deep dark corner of her head, preparing to try again. 

“Holy—” breathed Sirius. 

Kai opened her eyes. Peter was—Peter was no longer present. No. She blinked several times, and through the rain saw that where Peter had been was a small grey rat. A laugh burst from her and she covered her mouth. “Peter? Did you—” 

With a soft _pop_ , the rat was gone and Peter was back. 

“It worked!” James cried. “Peter, that’s incredible!” 

Peter looked slightly shaken, but he smiled nonetheless. “It worked. I—” 

“We’d better get a move on.” Sirius raised his wand once more. 

Kai pulled her hood forward and closed her eyes again, taking several deep breaths to try and calm herself. _Forget about Remus, just for now,_ she thought. That might be easier said than done, though, since at times she felt like he was literally a part of her. _No. Not for now. Pretend. There’s nothing to worry about, nothing at stake, nothing…_ “ _Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus._ ” 

Still only a single heartbeat in her chest. 

The bark of a dog startled her out of her frustration, and she looked around. Sirius let out a giddy laugh and transformed into a big black dog, then back again. Still laughing despite the rain pouring down his face, he threw his arms around James, who happened to be closest. 

Kai couldn’t hide her own smile. If Peter and Sirius could do it, so could the rest of them, surely. They just needed more time. 

The clearing was beginning to lighten and she frowned. “Is that the sun? I thought it came up ages ago.” 

“I think it did. I think the clouds are going away,” said Peter, squinting up through the rain, which had started to ease off. 

They stayed there several minutes longer, but there was no more thunder or lightning. Kai stowed her wand inside her robes, beside the potion phial she hadn’t touched. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she said, “We’d better get going, in case Remus is wondering where you’ve all gotten to.” 

“I’ve got Quidditch training to run, anyway,” said James. “Since we’re playing next week. Good thing it’s stopped raining, eh?” 

Kai nodded and pressed her lips together. “Yep.” 

Aria slung an arm around Kai’s shoulders. “I think it’s supposed to be stormy tomorrow, too. Or maybe later today. We can try again, and we’ll get there. Don’t worry.” 

Kai appreciated Aria’s vote of confidence. Someone had to feel confident, because she certainly didn’t right now. 

~

“Do try not to fall off your broom this time.” Kai gestured at James with a piece of toast. 

James pouted. “Last time was because I got hit by a Bludger.” 

“No, it was because you _thought_ you were going to get hit by a Bludger, ducked, and fell off your broom.” 

“Bludger was still involved.” 

“It wasn’t even that close to you.” Kai popped the toast in her mouth, content she’d won the argument. 

Aria turned a glare on the two of them, but it was softened by her fond smile. “Stop it, you two. I doubt James intends to fall off his broom.” 

“We’re playing Slytherin. We’ve all gotta try and focus.” 

Remus swallowed a mouthful of scrambled eggs. “I’m going to count how many times McGonagall yells at Sirius. Do you reckon it’ll be more or less than last time?” 

“Last time Gryffindor played Slytherin, or last time Sirius commentated?” Kai asked.

Remus considered the question. “Last time Sirius commentated, which was… Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff?” 

“Yep,” said Aria. 

“In which Sirius got yelled at thirteen times, and told off in a moderate tone an additional three.” 

Sirius laughed. “Do you seriously have nothing better to do, Moony?” 

“Like pay attention to me playing?” Kai said, buttering a fresh slice of toast. 

Remus shrugged. “You were doing fine that match. I paid attention to you when interesting stuff happened.” 

She laughed. “I was teasing. It’s fine.” 

“I think Sirius will get told off more, because it’s Gryffindor and Slytherin. So he’ll be making fun of James and being mean about the Slytherins,” said Aria. 

Remus smiled. 

Sirius leaned back in his chair, as far as that was possible on the bench. “Sounds about right. Oi, James, you need to eat that, mate. Can’t just stare at it.” He leaned away from Remus, resting an elbow on James’s shoulder. “It’s an important game, but you can’t win it on an empty stomach.” 

Remus’s smile dropped as Sirius turned away from him. When he spotted Kai looking, though, he smiled at her again. “Do you reckon more as well?” 

“Yeah,” said Kai absently, examining Remus’s face. “You okay?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

With her foot, she nudged his knee under the table. “Can’t stop me.” 

~ 

“And Gryffindor scores again, a wonderful play by Potter.” Sirius’s voice boomed across the Quidditch stadium. “Potter, if you’re trying to impress Evans again, I’d suggest you try something else. She looks thoroughly unimpressed.” 

Someone booed. Lily flipped Sirius off, which Kai thought was fair enough. 

McGonagall leaned forward to reprimand Sirius, but apparently thought better of it, since Sirius had quickly moved on to actual commentating. She stopped and sat back. 

“Still only at eleven,” said Remus. 

“I reckon we ruined it by telling Sirius about it,” said Aria. “He knows you’re counting now, maybe he wants to be annoying.” 

“Sirius always wants to be annoying,” said Kai, but her attention was mostly focused on the game once more. James and the other Chasers were doing well, but the Porskoff Ploy wasn’t going to work for much longer—sooner or later, the Slytherins would catch on and block it. Last year James had been trying to learn to do a Finbourgh Flick, and Kai wondered if he’d try that this game. She had no idea if he’d perfected it or not. 

Her question was answered when James attempted it a few minutes later. It wasn’t successful; the Quaffle bounced off the goalpost and was caught by Slytherin’s Keeper, who jeered at James as he tossed it back to his team. 

“Oh dear,” said Sirius. “No goal for Gryffindor this time, but good try, Potter.” 

_Was that a deer pun?_ Kai rolled her eyes. 

Aria had been right; last Saturday the storm had returned after dinner. Attempting the transformation had been even less pleasant in the dark, but she and James and Aria had returned to the other side of the lake to try it again. 

They’d returned well past midnight, soaking wet and with only one success. James had transformed into a stag. Kai and Aria still hadn’t managed it, though Kai didn’t quite understand how Aria seemed so relaxed about it. Maybe Aria was just better at hiding it than Kai was; Kai’s frustration had led her to try and punch a tree, which had been a stupid idea on several levels. It had left her with a bruised and scraped hand, and extra water running down her collar from the disturbed leaves above her. 

_Episkey_ had taken care of Kai’s sore hand, but did nothing for her wet shirt, nor the simmering frustration at her inability to get the spell right. She was good at spells, far better than she was with potions or essays. And now if there wasn’t another storm before full moon, which was only seventeen days away, what would they do? Did they tell Remus before they’d all got it? She had assumed they would all manage it together, so they could all show him together, but now… 

“The Gryffindor Seeker has caught the Snitch! 150 points to Gryffindor, putting the scores at 260 for Gryffindor and 190 for Slytherin.” Sirius’s voice wrenched Kai back to reality. She noted that he couldn’t keep the grin off his face, even though he was technically supposed to be impartial. He was at least supposed to pretend to be. 

Hoping no-one had noticed her attention wandering, she joined in the applause as the two teams made their way back down to the grassy pitch. The watching students began to file out, and Kai let herself be caught up in the tide too. The skies were clear, and it didn’t look like the storms would return any time soon. She desperately hoped they would, though. 

“What’s the final count?” Aria asked. 

“Fifteen. Are we counting the three times last match when Sirius got told off, but McGonagall didn’t _yell_?” 

“Nah,” said Kai, in an attempt to get her head back to the present where it belonged. “That way we get the satisfaction of guessing correctly.” 

Remus shrugged. “I’m surprised, admittedly. I thought it would be higher.” 

“I told you, Sirius is onto us now,” said Aria. “Better wait until he forgets about it.” 

The corner of Remus’s mouth twitched in a small smile. Despite that, though, he didn’t look particularly happy. Kai was about to ask him about it, even though he’d told her not to worry, but at that moment James appeared out of apparently nowhere. “Did you see that Flick? When I tried it the second time, I wasn’t too sure if I should, since it didn’t work last time, but then I figured why not, so I did and you saw what happened.” He grinned. 

Actually, Kai had not seen what happened, but she assumed his second attempt had sent the Quaffle through the goal. “You did well,” she said. “But you gotta change up your tactics a bit, the Porskoff is not going to work forever.” 

“I’ll make note of it for when we play you guys,” said James with a mischievous wink. 

She smiled. “Doesn’t bother me, idiot. But I’ll tell Will anyway.” 

James nodded, still grinning from the elation of winning as he wiped sweat from his forehead. “I better go find Sirius. He’s going to ruin my chances with Evans if he’s not careful.” 

Kai swatted his arm. “If Lily actually likes you, she won’t be bothered. If she doesn’t, you have no chances anyway, so lay off her.” 

“I _did_ ,” James said. “But Sirius is making me look bad.” 

Kai rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. But by all means, go complain at Sirius. By the way, the tally was fifteen.” 

“Good to know,” he said, and then he was gone. 

Kai turned to look for Remus, to see if he was alright, but he too had disappeared into the cheering mass of red and gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a note on Quidditch plays mentioned (quoted from the Harry Potter wiki)
> 
> Porskoff Ploy: One Chaser flies upward, and then throws the Quaffle down to another Chaser directly below.
> 
> Finbourgh Flick: A Chaser uses their broomstick to hit a Quaffle in midair into a goalpost.


	8. A Pumpkin for a Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Halloween time, and the Marauders prepare for a major prank at the feast. Sirius has a birthday party, but not everyone has a good time. Aria and Kai try the Animagus spell again.

Aria leant against one of the barrels that barred the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room as she waited for her friends. It didn’t take long for their footsteps to echo on the basement staircase. The torches flickered with their movement, making the shadows on the stone steps dance. It would’ve been eerie had she not been expecting them.

“Took you long enough,” she said when they appeared. “I’ve had to stand out here looking like an idiot who doesn’t know how to get in her own common room.” 

“Well we’re here now,” Kai said.

“Is James here too?” Aria turned to the blank spot beside Sirius. Sirius thumped what looked to be thin air with his hand, eliciting an ‘ow’ in James’s voice.

“He’s here,” Peter said, though it wasn’t needed at this point.

“Then let’s go.” Aria led the way down the basement corridor until they reached an innocuous painting of a bowl of fruit.

“You should do it, Aria, the pear likes you the most,” Remus said.

Aria used her index finger to tickle the pear. The pear giggled and transformed into a door handle in the same shade of green. She turned it and the painting swung open to reveal the Hogwarts kitchens. Aria grinned and hiked up her robes before climbing through the door.

“Ouch, James,” Kai hissed as she climbed in after Aria. “Watch where you’re going.”

Aria enjoyed visiting the kitchens. Although the house elves were constantly busy, they would always find the time to make the Marauders feel welcome and offer them some tea and biscuits.

“Hello sirs and ma’ams.” A house elf by the name of Norry came running over. “What can we do for you?”

“Hello, Norry, how have you been?” Aria asked. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius nudge the space that was James. 

“The same as always, ma’am. Can’t complain,” Norry said in a squeaky voice. “Is there something else you wanted? Best be quick about it, we have a big feast to prepare for Halloween tomorrow.”

_ Yes, be quick, James,  _ Aria thought. There were a lot of pumpkin pies he needed to charm. If he was successful, then this would likely be their best prank all year.

“We were just wondering,” Aria faltered and tried to remember the excuse they’d settled on. Remus was usually the one who did the smooth talking; he was such a good liar that no one ever suspected anything. But he seemed content to stay quiet and let her handle this one. Norry continued to stare at Aria, politely waiting for her to finish. “We missed out on dessert tonight as we had… something to take care of. And we were wondering if you had any leftovers you might be willing to spare?” Aria fought the urge to grimace, wishing she hadn’t sounded so shaky and unconvincing. 

“Well, we don’t have anything from tonight’s feast,” Norry said, and Aria bit her lip. “But instead we will make you a cake from scratch since you asked so kindly.”

“Thank you so much.” The generosity of house elves never ceased to amaze Aria. 

“We will get right to work.”

“Can you make it a chocolate cake please?” Kai called after him. Her eyes were on Remus when she said so. Chocolate was his favourite flavour, but Remus didn’t look as pleased as he ordinarily would. He may not have even heard her; his eyes were glazed over in a way that told Aria he was lost in thought. 

“So we get a chocolate cake out of this too? Brilliant,” said Peter.

“Yeah, but I wish the house elves didn’t have to do extra work,” Aria said. The elves seemed enthusiastic as they hurried around the kitchen, but she wondered if this was only because they were being watched. 

“Oh well,” Sirius said in a tone that held no real sympathy. When Aria frowned at him, he elaborated. “My family has a house elf and he’s a horrible, spiteful creature. I’ve never really liked them because of that.”

“But surely not all house elves are like that.”

Sirius shrugged. “Guess not.”

“Never mind them, are you excited for tomorrow?” Peter said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I am, but I think Kai is annoyed she has to miss out on pumpkin pie.” Aria smiled ruefully at her. 

“It’s like my favourite pie ever, and we only get it at Halloween,” Kai protested. “You could have charmed the jelly, I don’t care for that stuff.”

“And then everyone gets, what, a jelly head?” Sirius said. “Pumpkin pie works way better.”

“A jelly head would still be funny,” Kai muttered under her breath. 

“Sirs? Ma’ams? Here is your cake,” Norry announced. Two house elves carried a large tray between them, and sitting on the tray was a triple-layer chocolate cake. 

“Wow, you really don’t do things by halves,” Peter said, sounding impressed. 

“Thank you again,” Aria said. She took the tray from the elves. “Alright, well, we best be going,” she said in a loud voice. “Goodbye to all of you.”

Kai helped her carry the cake through the door. After Peter, Sirius and Remus climbed through, Aria waited for a little while to give James enough time to finish up and exit. She then poked the door handle and it turned back into a pear.

“James?” she said, “You there?” She waited with bated breath for him to reply, but there was only silence.  _ Oh no.  _ “James?” she said again, louder. 

There was a rustling sound and James suddenly appeared. “You should’ve seen the look on your faces,” he crowed. 

“Don’t do that, you asshole.” Kai hit him on the arm. “Next time we’ll leave you in there.”

“Did you at least get all the pies done?” Peter asked.

“Yep, we’re all good to go.” James straightened his glasses. “Can’t wait to see how Greylame looks with a pumpkin for a head. You know, I think it might be a distinct improvement.”

~

A huge fork of lightning flashed across the ceiling, lighting up the Great Hall. A couple of first years squealed in excitement. There was no storm outside, but for every Halloween, Dumbledore enchanted the ceiling to mimic one. Aria blamed his flair for the dramatic.

“Can they hurry up, this is the longest we’ve had to wait for the food since the welcoming feast,” James said. He was tapping his spoon on the table in an impatient rhythm. 

“It hasn’t been that long, it just feels like it,” Aria told him. There were a few stragglers still finding their seats, and feasts like these didn’t begin until all the students were present.

“No one suspects a thing, this is gonna be great.”

“They will unless you keep your mouth shut, James,” Sirius said.

“I’m still impressed you —” Peter was cut off by a loud rumble of thunder “— managed to pull off those spells.”

“Wasn’t hard when you know what you’re doing,” James grinned.

There was another blinding flash of lightning, and suddenly there were platters upon platters of food covering the tables. Cheers erupted around the hall and everyone started to fill their plates. A large pumpkin pie sat right in front of Aria and Peter, and they both shared a laugh before pushing it to the side. 

It took a couple of minutes for the first person to fall victim to their prank. There was a loud popping sound and a younger Ravenclaw girl began to scream. Her head looked exactly like the jack-o’-lanterns floating above the tables, complete with carved out eyes and mouth. Then her neighbour’s head transformed, then someone from Slytherin, then another student, and another, and another, until a quarter of them were sporting pumpkins for heads. 

James was laughing so hard that tears streamed down his cheeks. Sirius was also laughing as he tried to fling mashed potatoes into Frank Longbottom’s jagged, pumpkin mouth.

“Look.” Peter caught Aria’s attention. He was pointing up at the teacher’s table. “Look at Dumbledore, and Slughorn. Blimey, is that  _ Greyhame? _ ” 

He was right. Dumbledore himself had a pumpkin for a head, his wizard hat balanced precariously on top. He was sitting next to Slughorn, who was also a victim of the curse. They were roaring with laughter and pointing at each other’s pumpkins.

“At least those two are having fun,” Aria said. Then she looked over at Greyhame, who glared back at her with the deepest frown she’d ever seen on a pumpkin. “I think Greyhame suspects it was us.”

“She can’t prove it,” Peter said around a mouthful of chicken. “Let’s just enjoy her looking like an oversized jack-o’-lantern while it lasts.”

“Hey you two, did you see Avery and Mulciber? Ol’ Snivellus doesn’t seem to like pumpkin pie, but his mates sure do.” James pointed at the Slytherin table where Snape was sitting, flanked by two pumpkin heads. He looked most displeased with his current situation. 

“Dammit, he deserved it most of all,” Aria said.

“Forget about them, did you see Greyhame?” Peter asked.

James let out a triumphant cheer that blended right in with the surrounding chaos. “I was right, she does look better with a pumpkin for a head.”

“She knows it’s us,” Aria said. Greyhame was still aiming a poisonous glare at the Marauders. “Even if she can’t prove it, she’ll still make the rest of the year a living hell for us.”

“She was already doing that, how much worse can she get?” James said.

“Don’t test her.”

“Oi Sirius, did you get a look at Greylame over there?” 

“No I — wait, is that  _ McGonagall? _ ” Sirius exclaimed. Aria quickly turned back to the teacher’s table. McGonagall, in her classic emerald robes, had a pumpkin head with glasses carved around the eyes. The fact that she managed to look composed with a pumpkin for a head was hilarious in of itself. 

“Brilliant! That’s one for the history books.” James craned his neck to get a better view. McGonagall wasted no time before getting out her wand and tapping her head, transforming it back to its normal self without a hair out of place. Greyhame leant over and appeared to ask McGonagall something, but McGonagall didn’t reply. Greyhame sat back in her seat, fuming with rage.

“I think Greyhame asked McGonagall to transform her back,” Aria told Peter.

“She said no, right?” Peter said.

“She didn’t say anything, just completely ignored her.” Aria laughed. Apparently Greyhame wasn’t popular with the teachers either.

“I hope Greyhame tries to undo it herself, I’d love to see her screw it up and make it worse.”

“I hope her head shrinks to the size of a grapefruit like Selwyn’s did, or turns purple and starts emitting smoke like Tremblay’s.” She didn’t know why Tremblay had tried to fix his head himself, his spellwork was passable at best.

“Guys,” Kai complained. “I have a slight problem.”

Aria looked over her shoulder and nearly jumped out of her seat. “You too? Kai, what were you thinking?”

“I don’t know!” Kai clutched the sides of her pumpkin head. “It was an accident.”

“Did James’s spell go wrong or something?” Remus asked. It’d been quite a while since Aria had heard him say something. She hoped he was having as much fun as she was.

“Definitely not.” James held up Kai’s plate which had a half-eaten piece of pumpkin pie on it. “I think someone just likes pie too much.”

Kai rested her pumpkin on the table. “I hate you all.”

“So, remind me how you got Sorted into Ravenclaw again?” James teased.

Without looking up, Kai picked up a toffee apple and threw it at him. “Shut up. I wasn’t thinking when I ate it. Now hurry up and tell me what the countercurse is.”

“Ahem.” James coughed. “About that… I never formally looked it up.”

“Now who’s the one who wasn’t thinking?” Kai said.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s supposed to wear off in a few hours.”

“A few  _ hours? _ ”

“In the meantime, will you let me put a candle inside your mouth to see if your head glows?”

“You’re not coming anywhere near my pumpkin, Sirius.”

“Attention students.” Dumbledore’s booming voice overpowered the hubbub and everyone fell silent. He removed his wand from his throat and waved it in a long, fluid motion. All the pumpkin heads returned to normal, including his own. There was a collective sigh of relief, and many students reached up to touch their faces, as if to make sure they were real.

“Now that you’ve had your fun, it’s time to enjoy the feast as normal. And to the student or students who thought this an entertaining joke to play, know that I will be personally questioning the house elves in the kitchen to find out what happened.” Dumbledore maintained a stern face, but Aria picked up on the unmistakable twinkle in his eye.

“Good luck with that, mate,” James said once the noise resumed.

“I doubt the punishment would be that bad, did you see him laughing with Sluggy?” Peter said.

“Can we also talk about McGonagall with a pumpkin for a head?” Sirius added.

“Guys.” Kai slammed her hands on the table. “From now on we have to remember to research countercurses. Just in case something goes wrong like it did today.”

“Went  _ wrong?  _ We got to see you with a pumpkin head, I’d say things went very right.” 

Kai threw James a murderous expression. 

“C’mon Kai, let’s focus on the positives. As Sirius said, we got to see McGonagall with a pumpkin for a head.”

“Okay, that was pretty good,” Kai admitted. 

“And the curse is gone now.”

“Yeah, no thanks to you.”

“Next time I’ll find a countercurse, I promise.”

Kai seemed satisfied with this answer as she didn’t press for more. She cut herself a slice of apple pie and started eating that instead of her remaining pumpkin pie.

Aria took a lollipop from the centre of the table and gazed up at the ceiling while licking it. The thunderstorm had finished and now there was only a light shower of rain. Getting away with a harmless prank was such a good feeling. She couldn’t wait until the next one. 

~

Sirius sat up in bed and wrenched the hangings open. Today was his birthday and he wasn’t going to waste another second of it lying in bed. James and Peter’s smiling faces greeted him, their arms full of presents. 

“Happy birthday!” they both yelled.

“Another year older and yet no wiser,” James said, dropping half the presents to mess up Sirius’s hair.

“Get off you git.” Sirius pushed him away and brushed a loose strand out of his eyes. There was something different about it, the colour wasn’t quite right. Sirius grabbed the strand and examined it closely. It was—

“Pink!” he yelped. “I know that was you, James, and mark my words, I’ll get you back.”

James gave a bark of laughter. “I think it looks rather dashing.”

“Even your eyebrows are pink,” Peter giggled.

Sirius scrambled out of bed and ran into the bathroom. The face that stared back at him in the mirror did indeed have pink eyebrows to match his pink hair. “Oh nooo.”

“Stop preening and hurry up and open your presents,” James called.

The first one was a large silver package from James. Inside was a year’s supply of Sleakeazy’s Hair Potion.

“So you can make your pink hair look even better,” James told him. Sirius tackled him into the floor and wrapped him up in a bear hug by way of thanks.

Peter had made him a large batch of brownies. “And not just any brownies,” he told Sirius. 

“Does that mean what I think it does?”

“Mhm.” Peter mimed smoking a joint. 

“Nice one, Pete. If I eat one of these, I might just be able to get through a Defence lesson.” 

“Trust me, eat one of these and you’ll probably come to Defence with no pants on.”

“And wouldn’t that be a sight,” said a voice coming from the only occupied bed.

“Moony, mate, come join the party.” Sirius beckoned him over. He was hoping Remus would wake up soon; he wanted Remus to be there when he opened his present. 

“The one with the stars on it is from me,” Remus said as he sat down cross-legged on the floor. Sirius hesitated before opening the package, not wanting to ruin the nice paper. When he eventually did, he was rewarded with a chunky, knitted scarf in a shade of Gryffindor red.

“Did you make this for me?” he asked, as he ran his fingers over the soft wool.

“I did. I hope you like it.” Remus averted his eyes, seemingly embarrassed by his handiwork.

“I love it.” Sirius beamed broadly and threw the scarf around his neck.

“Gross, it clashes horribly with your new hair,” Peter said.

“Pete, you wouldn’t know fashion if it knocked on your door, introduced itself and shook your hand.” Sirius flicked him with the long end of his scarf.

“This one’s from Kai.” Remus handed Sirius a gift which turned out to be a large bag of Dungbombs from Zonko’s.

“Just what I needed, my stash was running low,” Sirius said.

Aria had gifted him a rolled up poster of a fancy Muggle motorbike, a Harley Davidson to be exact. Sirius proudly stuck it up on the wall next to his bed.

“Did you see this one, mate?” James plonked down a large, rectangular gift in front of him. “Blimey, it’s heavy.”

“That one’s from my parents,” Sirius said without looking at the note. He didn’t need to, he recognised the silver and green wrapping paper easily. 

“Aren’t you going to open it?”

“You can, I couldn’t care less for what’s inside.”

James shrugged and ripped along one of the edges.

“It’s a book. The cover says ‘The Noble History of the Most Sacred Families of Blood Purest’.”

Sirius mimed vomiting. “Does anyone need firewood? Because that’s all this rubbish is good for.”

“I’m not in here, it must be wrong,” James said, thumbing through the ‘P’ section.

“I think it’s only the Sacred Twenty-Eight that are included,” Peter pointed out.

“The Inbred Twenty-Eight more like.” Sirius snorted bitterly. Trying to keep a family’s blood pure definitely came with its risks.

“So is that what’s wrong with you then?” James joked.

“Watch it.”

“I’m just saying, it would explain a lot.”

Sirius threw a pillow at him, then turned to face Remus.

“So, Moony, do you like my new hair? You haven’t mentioned it yet.” Sirius tossed it over his shoulder for dramatic effect.

“When you’ve known James for as long as I have, nothing surprises me anymore.”

“Yes, but do you  _ like  _ it?”

Remus shrugged. “It’s fine. Your hair always looks decent.”

“That’s true enough.” Sirius was glad Remus appreciated one of his best features. “Better than that rat’s nest James calls hair. You’d never guess his father owns a hair potion line.”

“Hey! It’s  _ artfully messy. _ ”

“That’s a load of bullshit and you know it.”

~

The common room had been transformed thanks to Remus’s friends. Streamers and balloons were everywhere, and there was a huge sign that read ‘Happy Birthday Sirius’ hanging over the fireplace, inches away from catching on fire. Remus would’ve fixed it, but he wasn’t much of a decorator. He’d left most of the preparations to the others as he wasn’t really in the mood for a party. How inconsiderate of Sirius to have a birthday when he wasn’t able to enjoy it as he ought to. 

“Oi, Remus, come help us with this disco ball,” James called.

“How did you manage to get this?” Remus asked as he levitated it so James could stick it to the ceiling. 

“I transfigured a Quaffle. How are we supposed to listen to ABBA without one?”

Remus couldn’t help but smile. “I regret letting Aria introduce you to Muggle music.”

“Bloody brilliant stuff. The only wizard band that comes close is the Twisted Broomsticks.”

“Is that all?” Remus said when the disco ball was firmly attached.

“For now.” James checked his wristwatch. “I’m off to Honeydukes to get food. Might even swing by the Hog’s Head for some Firewhiskey. Thank Merlin the barkeeper doesn’t ask questions.”

“Firewhiskey? It’s Monday.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Moony. We’re young and foolish, we can handle it.” James winked devilishly. 

Remus wasn’t convinced. “How many people are coming?”

“However many want to. It’ll be mostly Gryffindors, but Kai and Aria will swing by of course.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any point in me trying to get out of it?” Remus sighed. Watching a bunch of teenagers get drunk and make poor decisions didn’t sound appealing when he was feeling so out of sorts.

“None at all. Imagine how Sirius will feel if you aren’t there? He’ll be devastated.” James slapped a hand over his heart in mock anguish. 

“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” Remus muttered. “Alright, I’ll be there. Now go before it’s too late.”

The party was well underway. Students were dancing on tables and couches, the disco ball sent fractured light spinning on the walls, and the heavy bass from loud music thumped through Remus’s body like a second heartbeat. 

“How is McGonagall not here to tell us off?” Aria asked Kai. The three of them were sitting in a corner, clutching bottles of Butterbeer and watching the party like antisocial spectators. 

“Several Silencing Charms and a lot of nerve on James’s part.” Kai nodded at the man in question, who was showing off his best disco moves to an unimpressed Marlene. 

“Well if she doesn’t find out tonight, she definitely will tomorrow when everyone comes to class hungover.”

The room steadily got more crowded until it was hard to make out specific people. Remus swore he saw Regulus arrive at some point, give Sirius a present, and promptly leave. Sirius was the one constant of this party. No matter what happened, he was the centre of attention, the life and soul of the festivities. He managed to look unfairly cool despite his pink hair and the scarf he was still stubbornly wearing. Remus watched him down some Firewhiskey straight from the bottle while everyone around him cheered him on. An odd prickling sensation began to build beneath his skin, and he forced himself to look away.

“Aria! Kai! Come dance with us.” That was Lily’s voice. She’d come over to their corner, her face flushed and her red hair a mess.

“Alright.” Aria set down her butterbeer.

“Just one song,” Kai warned.

Lily grabbed them by the hand and led them to her circle of friends. Remus understood why they went so willingly; Lily was one of the most popular girls in their year. But it was hard not to feel a little abandoned. They didn’t even acknowledge him before leaving with her. 

Shortly after they were gone, the space they’d vacated was taken up by Jocelyn and Kevin. She slung one leg over his hips and he stuck his tongue down her throat. Remus had never stood up so quickly in his life. That left him with two options: the crowd dancing, or the drinks table. Remus chose the latter.

He uncorked a fresh bottle of Firewhiskey and took a searing gulp, all former misgivings about alcohol thrown to the wind. No one was watching him, no one cared about what he did, so why did it matter? Maybe the Firewhiskey could mask the heaviness that was steadily growing inside of him. James and Peter hoisted Sirius on their shoulders as they belted out the chorus on ‘Killer Queen’; Remus drank. Aria and Kai left for their dorms after their bout of dancing without saying goodbye; Remus drank. Gradually, the world around him began to blur, and he set the—considerably lighter—bottle of Firewhiskey down on the table.

“Moons! Come dance with us!”

Remus squinted to focus on the person talking to him. It was Sirius, he could tell by the pink hair. Remus opened his mouth with half a mind to say yes, and half a mind to tell Sirius to sod off. But Anastasia Fosse was clutching his arm, and James had an arm slung around his neck, and the words died in Remus’s throat.

“I’m goin’ to bed,” was what he ended up saying. 

Sirius’s brow creased with concern. “You sure? What’s wrong, Moony?”

Remus didn’t reply, he just walked unsteadily towards the boy’s staircase. He managed to stumble up half of them before tripping and falling flat on his front. The ridges of the stairs were sure to leave bruises, but he was tempted to just lie there until morning. He forced himself to get to his hands and feet and crawl the rest of the way. Only when he was inside the dorm did he allow the tears to fall. 

~

It took nearly two weeks after Sirius’s birthday for another lightning storm to hit Hogwarts. Aria was grateful that they were fairly common around this time of year. It wasn’t hard to feel jealous of her friends who had succeeded. James and Sirius had taken to roaming the Forbidden Forest, uninhabited by their human forms and free as any other animal there. Peter had used his small size to great advantage around Hogwarts, and was determined to discover all of its secrets. Passages that were hidden behind statues, portraits that would reveal shortcuts if complimented in a particular way. All of these would be very useful for five Animagi and a werewolf when sneaking in and out of the castle unseen.

But Aria knew that Kai would be even more pleased than she was. There was a full moon coming up soon and Kai had been on edge all week. She’d been itching for an opportunity to retry the spell, and one was finally here.

Not wanting to waste any time, Aria grabbed her thick, winter cloak; protection from the rain that was pouring down outside. She was rummaging in her trunk for her wellingtons when her roommate, Jocelyn, noticed what she was doing.

“You can’t go out in this weather, did you see the lightning?” she told Aria.

“I have to, uh, talk to Hagrid about something,” Aria lied. She wasn’t going to tell Jocelyn why the weather was actually ideal.

“Can’t it wait? You’ll catch an awful cold.”

“It’s very important.” Aria pulled on her boots and grabbed her cloak and her wand. “I’ll see you this evening, okay?”

“What took you so long?” asked Kai when Aria met her in the entrance hall.

“Jocelyn asking too many questions,” Aria replied. “Did you get the phials?”

“In my pocket.” Kai patted the side of her hip. “Let’s go.”

They went to the same spot on the other side of the lake as before. The ground was so saturated that the grass had turned to mud and Aria had to walk carefully to avoid slipping. 

“Okay, here’s your phial.” Kai handed her the small bottle containing the potion and the leaf. A loud clap of thunder startled her and she almost dropped it.

“Careful,” Kai said.

“At least we know the storm is still electrical. Can you cover me with your umbrella charm, please? I need to use my wand for the spell.”

Kai moved her wand so that they were both partially sheltered from the rain. Aria pointed her wand at her chest, took a deep breath, and said the words, “ _ Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus. _ ” She waited for a second heartbeat, but felt nothing. 

“Try again,” Kai urged in response to Aria deflating with disappointment.

Aria straightened up and gripped her wand tightly. Pointing it at her chest once more, she tried to clear her mind. When she repeated the spell, she tried to let go of her emotions. Instead of focusing on the end result, on using her animagus to help Remus, she focused only on the present. On the words coming out of her mouth, and the wand in her hand. When the spell was done, she lowered her wand and waited. Nothing happened outwardly, but deep inside her chest, she felt two steady heartbeats. 

She let out a giddy squeal of excitement. “Kai, the spell worked!”

“Really? That’s brilliant. Now drink the potion.”

Aria pulled out the tiny stopper and drank the entire thing in one gulp. The potion tasted rancid, like Bubotuber pus and rotten Mandrake leaves, and she fought the urge to gag. A few seconds after she’d swallowed it, her stomach began to bubble violently. There was a snapping sound and she felt her bones shifting and reshaping. Her skin felt like melted wax and it was melding with her clothes. She opened her mouth to cry out, but she had no voice. All the trees around her started to get bigger and bigger, and the grass was suddenly a lot closer. Aria sniffed deeply at the thick, damp air. She could smell the pine needles from the forest, and the smoke from the fires in the castles, and the scents left by other animals. She shook her small body violently to get rid of the rain on her fur. Her field of vision was now so much wider; she could see Kai’s ankles to her right without turning her head. Her muscles felt tightly wound, coiled with nervous energy. She took a large, springing leap, and then hopped around in a circle, enjoying the thump of her large back feet on the ground. 

“Aria! You’re a rabbit!”

She quirked a large ear at the sound of Kai’s voice. Some of the murkiness in her mind cleared. That’s right, she was a  _ rabbit.  _ It’d worked. The potion had worked. If she thought very hard, Aria’s human form was just within her grasp. She thought of arms and legs and skin and hair, and soon the grass and trees shrunk and she was standing up again like nothing had happened.

“That was, that was,” Aria struggled to find the words to explain it.

“I can only imagine.” Kai’s eyes were shining. “My turn.” She rushed her first recitation of the spell, likely from excitement, but nothing happened. Kai’s excitement quickly turned to frustration.

“Why does it never work for me?” she yelled.

“Try saying it slower,” Aria said, hoping that would help. “If I could do it, I’m sure you can.”

“Okay.” Kai tried again, this time speaking slowly and carefully. Aria waited with bated breath for her to announce that it worked, but instead Kai threw her wand down angrily. 

“What is wrong with me?” she cried out to the heavens. 

“I know it’s hard, but you have to try not to be angry.” Aria picked up Kai’s wand and gave it back to her. “You really need to empty your mind, think of the most boring thing you can. Emotions will only make it harder for you.”

“Easy for you to say, I’m the one who’s the most invested.”

“We’re  _ all  _ invested,” Aria insisted. “We all care about Remus. Maybe not quite as much as you, but we do care. And blaming us won’t do you any good either.”

“I’m sorry, this isn’t your fault.” Kai looked so miserable that Aria couldn’t help but pull her into a hug.

“You’ll get there eventually, I’m sure of it. Let’s try again.”

“ _ Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus. _ ” Nothing.

“ _ Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus. _ ” Nothing.

“ _ AMATO, ANIMO, ANIMATO, ANIMAGUS! _ ” Nothing.

“ _ AMATO, ANIMO, ANIMATO, ARSEHOLE! _ ” Nothing.

“Kai, I think we better call it quits,” Aria said wearily. “Look, there’s no more lightning. And you’re soaked to the core.”

Kai burst into tears. “I’m useless,” she choked out. “I’m never going to do it and I’m never going to help Remus.”

“That’s not true.” Aria wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her back to the castle. “You help Remus everyday just by being there to support him. And you  _ will  _ do it. Maybe not tonight, but sometime in the future you will. You just have to practice clearing your mind. Now let’s go to the kitchens and see if the elves will make us some hot chocolate.”

  
  



	9. Your Help Isn't Really Helping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape decides to stick his oversized nose where it doesn't belong, and Sirius has an unorthodox solution. Tensions rise between Kai and Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER!! please click "more notes" to find out more if you need to! 
> 
> the same trigger will feature more heavily in the next two chapters, particularly the next one

“Hey, Lupin!” 

Kai didn’t turn, and kept right on walking. She didn’t want to talk to Snape—not that she ever did, but particularly not right now. She was still frustrated from Friday. Why wasn’t the spell working for her? Spells were her strong point, the thing she was best at. And it wasn’t like she could just forget about Remus. 

“Lupin,” he called again, closer this time. 

If she just kept walking to class, would he leave? He wasn’t in their History of Magic class, and at some point he’d have to leave to make it to his own class on time. 

He called again. This time was louder, and people around Kai were starting to notice. It had to be her he was talking to, though, since Remus was in bed. Full moon was tomorrow, and he was feeling pretty crappy. 

Then Snape actually grabbed the sleeve of her jumper, and she could stand it no longer; she spun around, her ponytail whipping in a circle. “What do you want?” 

“What’s your brother’s deal?” 

“You’re gonna have to get more specific,” she said, though her stomach had flipped over at his words. Did he know? Surely not. He could do little more than guess. 

He shrugged. “Shouldn’t he be here? Isn’t he in your class?” 

“He wasn’t well. He went to see Madam Pomfrey.” Not technically a lie. 

“Funny. Full moon’s tomorrow, isn’t it? One might almost wonder—” 

He got no further. Kai whipped her wand out of her bag and pointed it at his face. “If you don’t get your oversized nose out of my business, I’ll hex it off.” 

He looked surprisingly calm considering the proximity of her wand to his face. “Someone’s getting defensive.” 

“You’re asking me questions about my twin brother which are invasive and, quite frankly, rather rude. What were you expecting me to do, buy you flowers?” 

He took a step towards her; she flinched backwards. “Perhaps a bouquet of wolfsbane,” he whispered. 

“You right there, Kai?” It was Sirius’s voice. 

Without moving her wand a single inch, she turned to face Sirius, trying to bring lightness to her tone. “Hey, Sirius. I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment, actually.” She gestured with her wand, totally unapologetic when the tip bounced off Snape’s nose. 

“Do you wanna go ahead of me? Binns is gonna start soon, and you know you’re our secret weapon for passing this class.” 

Snape was still uncomfortably close to her, but she managed to smile. 

“I’ll deal with that trash for you,” Sirius continued. 

Kai desperately wanted to tell Sirius that he _knew_ , but she couldn’t do that without telling Snape too. So she just nodded and smiled again. “Be my guest.” She lowered her wand and headed for the History of Magic classroom, intending not waste a second more of her attention on Snape. But she couldn’t quell her curiosity, and glanced over her shoulder. 

Sirius was talking to Snape; as she watched, her friend actually _smiled_. 

_Sirius, what the hell?_

~

It was full moon, and they weren’t ready. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Kai wasn’t ready. There hadn’t been another lightning storm; she’d nonetheless held out hope of achieving her Animagus transformation before this full moon. But she’d failed. And so, yet again, she’d left Remus to face his transformation alone. 

Rain lashed at the windows of Gryffindor Tower, but the sky was dark and devoid of lightning. Of course it was. If she pressed her face to the window she could see the thrashing branches of the Whomping Willow; she possibly shouldn’t be looking, but she did it anyway. 

“Kai, there’s nothing you can do,” said James, echoing her thoughts. “Is watching going to help you?” 

“I don’t know.” A lump rose in her throat. “You didn’t have to wait for me, you know. You all should’ve gone tonight.” 

“No way,” objected Aria. “We wouldn’t leave you behind like that.” 

Tears pricked her eyelids. “But—” 

“Next full moon,” said Peter. “You’ll have it by then, I know you will. You’re great at spells.” 

“Theoretically,” she muttered. She turned back to the window, peering out through the darkness at the Willow. The full moon was obscured by clouds, but she knew it was there. How could she not? 

The windowpane was cold against her cheek. She shivered and folded her arms. An armchair creaked, telling her Aria had gotten up; a moment later, she draped a blanket over Kai’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” Kai said softly. 

Aria wrapped her arms around Kai’s waist, and rested her head against Kai’s shoulder. “I’m sorry it didn’t work yet. But you’ll get there. I know it.” 

Kai placed her forehead against the glass, pulling the blanket tighter around herself, and closed her eyes to try and stop the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. It didn’t work. 

“What’s that?” said Aria. 

Kai opened her eyes, though her vision was slightly blurred by the tears. She blinked several times, trying to clear it. “What’s what?” 

“I thought I saw someone heading down to the Willow.” 

“You _what_?” 

Without even bothering to grab any kind of rain protection, James ran to one of the doors out to the balcony, heaved it open, and disappeared out into the rain. Peter was on his feet too, but Sirius looked strangely unperturbed. Kai frowned. That was odd. She contemplated following James outside, but as desperate as she was for answers, she wasn’t that eager to get soaking wet yet again. Fortunately, James returned not long later, slamming the heavy glass door as quickly as he could manage. Some rain still made its way in, pooling by his feet. 

“What is it?” Kai asked. 

James flicked his wet hair out of his eyes. “It’s Snape.” He pulled off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt, which was still more or less dry under his jumper. 

“Snape?” said Peter. 

Aria grabbed another blanket and tossed it to James. “Why would Snape—oh no.” 

“He’s guessed,” whispered Kai, her heart sinking. She’d tried to pretend it wasn’t the case, but saying it now cemented it. He had guessed. “He tried to ask me in the corridor yesterday.” 

“What’d you tell him?” said Peter.

“To get out of my business or I’d hex him. Obviously.” Her angry tone faltered. “But he’s guessed about Remus, I know he has.” 

“I know he has too,” said Sirius slowly. 

Kai rounded on him. She had a bad feeling she knew what he might have said to Snape yesterday. “What have you done?” 

“I didn’t legitimately think he’d do it.” 

“Did you tell him how to get to the Shrieking Shack?” 

Sirius’s expression said it all. 

Kai’s blanket fell from her shoulders as she put her head in her hands. She couldn’t have cared less. “Sirius. What the actual _fuck_.” 

“Figured if he wanted to know so badly, I’d tell him. We might finally be rid of that slimy little git.” 

James dropped his own blanket and dashed from the common room. Kai didn’t look up. She was seriously contemplating hexing Sirius, possibly with the hex she had planned to use on Snape yesterday. 

“Seriously. He suspected there would be a werewolf at the end of that tunnel, why would he go there?” 

“The point was _not_ to tell him what Remus is.” 

“I didn’t. I just told him he could go down there if he wanted to find out. But I heard what he said to you. He knows. I just didn’t think he was that dumb.” 

Kai paused, momentarily lost for words. 

“Murder is a bit extreme, don’t you think?” said Aria. “I know he’s a twat. But I don’t think murder is the correct response here.” 

“I—”

Kai lifted her head. “If you’re going to say it wouldn’t count as murder because you didn’t kill him yourself, you better fucking think again. Because this is your fault, and I think you know that as well as I do.” The fingers of her wand hand twitched. “More than that, you’re using Remus for this against his will. You know he’d remember all this tomorrow, right? Even if he isn’t in control of himself right now, he’ll remember. He’ll know he killed someone, even if it was Snape. And as much as we try and tell him it’s your fault, he’ll label himself a murderer for the rest of his _life_.” 

Sirius was silent. 

“Plus, clearly Snape _did_ go down there, or at least planned to. So now he knows. Well done, Sirius. Well done.” 

“Kai, I’m sorry. I didn’t think—” 

“No, you didn’t, did you?” she snapped. “Look, I won’t lie. Sometimes I think it would be pleasant to get rid of Snape. But, unlike you, I’m not a coward who uses my friends to do my dirty work for me.” 

Absolute silence had fallen in the room. Even the rain had quieted down. 

“Fuck you, Sirius,” Kai finished, clenching her fists. Her legs shook beneath her. 

From the window, Aria interrupted, “I see James and Snape. I don’t know how far he got, but he’s still alive. I don’t even think he’s hurt.” 

Kai collapsed into the nearest chair, trembling all over. “Don’t mention this to Remus, any of you. Please. If he doesn’t already know, I don’t want him to find out.” 

“I won’t,” said Aria. 

“Me neither,” said Peter. “And I’ll tell James when he gets back here.” 

“Thanks,” Kai mumbled. This whole thing was only slightly improved by the fact that it hadn’t actually happened; whether or not he’d intended to, Sirius had planned to use Remus as a murder weapon. And therefore, whether it had happened or not, she wasn’t sure if she could find it in herself to forgive Sirius. “I’m going to bed.” 

~

Kai wondered why Astronomy had to be at midnight, then giggled aloud at how silly the thought was. Of course it had to be at night. What was she thinking? 

It was quarter past one in the morning; the problem was that she _wasn’t_ thinking. Or at least, not sensibly. She felt the urge to laugh again, and would have if her foot hadn’t caught on one of the stairs, sending her sprawling. 

Gryffindor Tower’s common room seemed to be deserted, though a few stragglers were still making their way up the stairs to bed. Her friends had probably gone to bed already; she’d made it all the way to Ravenclaw Tower before realising she had to come back here. Now she just had to grab the sketchbook she’d left here yesterday, and then she’d go straight back to her dorm. 

Correction. The common room was mostly deserted; Remus, curled up on one of the couches, was scribbling away at some sort of homework. Kai couldn’t tell exactly what, but there was a fair bit of parchment involved, and a heavy-looking textbook. Although, come to think of it, all their textbooks were heavy. “You want a hand with that?” 

Remus turned; he looked a little surprised to see her. “Hm?” He’d skipped Astronomy, still wiped out after yesterday. So how did he have the energy for this? 

“I can do that for you, if you need.” 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” 

She nodded slowly, leaning back against a nearby bookcase. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” he snapped. “Go to bed, Kai.” 

Kai practically recoiled at his tone. He never spoke to her like that. “What is your problem?” 

“My problem is that I can’t have you doing everything for me, or I’ll never really pass my OWLs. I don’t want to cheat, and I don’t want to force that on you while I just sit around.” 

“You’re not _forcing_ it on me,” she said hotly. “I help you because I want to. And because full moons wipe you out, and I don’t want you to fail because you can’t hand in an assignment.” 

“We’re going to get caught at some point.” 

“I’ve lived with you for nearly sixteen years, Remus. I know exactly how tired you get. And I wish I could really understand it, but I can’t, so all I can do is help you out.” 

“Do you? Really?” 

“Do I what?” 

“Wish you could understand what this—” he gestured to himself “—is really like? You don’t, do you? Not really.” 

Kai paused. She wanted to say yes. But that would be a lie. 

Remus saw her answer in her eyes, and let out a sarcastic laugh. “Of course you don’t. Who would?” 

She hesitated. 

He continued, “Kai, you’ve spent way too many late nights on my homework. I can’t keep doing this to you. It’s not fair.” 

“Neither was Greyback.” 

“Kai, please. Go to bed. Let me finish this.” 

She shook her head. “I want to help you. This is one way I can.” _The only one. For now._

“I don’t _want_ your help.” He slammed shut the book he was holding. 

Stung, Kai said nothing. She swallowed. Silence fell. 

“What happened with Sirius?” he said quietly. 

“What?” 

“I’m not blind, and I’m not stupid. You’re all pissed at Sirius. Why?” 

_Oh, shit._ “You don’t want to know.” 

He turned away and set the book down on the table. “Fine. Leave me out of this, too.” 

“Remus—” 

“No, really, it’s fine.” His tone sounded light, but it was forced. “I don’t care.” 

Kai put her head in her hands. She’d wanted to keep this away from him, so he wouldn’t be stressed. But hiding it was hurting him more. Tears welled in her eyes; she wiped them away and looked up to see that Remus had gotten up from his couch. “Sirius told Snape how to get past the Willow,” she blurted. 

Remus stopped in his tracks. “What the fuck?” 

“He didn’t think Snape would actually do it.” Why she was defending Sirius, she didn’t know. She was still angry at him. “I—I don’t know why he did it. But James went and stopped Snape.” 

“I thought I saw Snape last night,” he said slowly, still not turning back to her. “But then I thought it must’ve been something else, because it couldn’t have been Snape. But apparently it was. You said _Sirius_ told him how to get there? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

A tear spilled down her cheek. “I didn’t want you to be more stressed. I thought since James got to Snape in time, it would be okay and you wouldn’t need to know.” 

Remus tugged the hem of his sleeve down over his scarred hand. “Why would Sirius _do_ that?” 

“Snape guessed about you,” she whispered, trying to hold back further tears. “He saw you heading to the Willow, back in October. And then he decided to ask me in the corridor the other day. According to Sirius, ‘if he wanted to know so badly, he’d tell him’.” 

“You didn’t tell me about that, either.” 

“I told you, I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to worry.” 

“Seeing Snape in that tunnel made me fucking worried, Kai.” Finally, he turned to face her, anger in his eyes. “Watching you avoid eye contact with Sirius all day made me worried. Seeing you a tired wreck every morning from doing my work makes me worried. Not knowing what’s going on, that’s what makes me worried.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean this.” 

“You can’t coddle me forever. I’m not a fucking child, to be protected from all the things you think might hurt me. At least, no more than you. It’s not up to you to decide that.” 

“I just want to help,” she said softly. A dull headache had started up, like a pickaxe pounding at her forehead from inside. 

He turned away from her once more, shoulders tight and hunched. “Your help isn’t really helping.” In silence, he climbed the stairs to the dormitory, his footsteps echoing loudly in the quiet. 

Kai stood, watching him as though frozen, until his feet had disappeared up to the landing. Then the tears started; half-blinded, she staggered to the portrait and out into the corridor. Her body still ached from tripping up the stairs, but she hardly noticed that now. Leaning on the wall for support as sobs racked her body, she managed one clear thought: she had fucked up. Royally. And she had no idea how to fix any of it. 

~

“Miss Lupin?” 

Kai opened her eyes. Her head was resting on the desk, cradled in her arms. With a sinking feeling, she realised where she was, and what had happened. 

“Miss Lupin,” McGonagall repeated. 

Stomach twisting, Kai sat up, blinking sleep from her eyes. _Oh no oh no oh no._

“Nice of you to join us, Miss Lupin. I would appreciate it if you also joined me in my office tomorrow evening for detention. Do try and focus for the rest of the class; I will do my best not to bore you.” With that, McGonagall returned to the front of the room. 

She’d tried really hard to stay awake, despite her drooping eyelids. A double period of anything in periods 5 and 6 was hard, but particularly without enough sleep. She’d meant to go straight to sleep last night, but had spent a while wandering the castle trying to clear her head, and figure out how to really help Remus into the bargain. The upshot of that was that she was now extremely tired, and counting down the minutes to the bell. Fifteen. At least she’d lasted through the practical part of class, if only barely. She kept her gaze on the desk in front of her as McGonagall continued talking, unwilling to meet the eyes of any of her friends. Especially Remus. 

When the bell rang, every one of the class wanted to be first out the door. Kai especially, but just as she joined the bottleneck by the door, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Miss Lupin, a word, if you please.” 

Kai turned to McGonagall, though she stared at her shoes. 

“This isn’t like you, Miss Lupin. Is everything alright?” 

Kai opened her mouth to defend herself, to explain or excuse what had happened. But nothing came out. After a moment’s pause, she choked out, “N-nothing, Professor. I’m alright.” 

McGonagall nodded. “Very well. I know I am not your Head of House, Miss Lupin. But should you need it, you may speak to me. If things are not alright for you in future, for instance.” 

Anxious to leave, Kai managed half a smile. “Thanks, Professor.” 

McGonagall gave Kai a small smile, which she took as her cue to go. 

Halfway down the corridor, she ran into Aria, waiting for her. “Where are the others?” 

“They went ahead,” said Aria, her arms folded in a way most unlike her. “What’s going on with you? This is at least the second time you’ve fallen asleep in class recently, and you’ve been acting funny all day.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I expected you not to be talking to Sirius, but you’ve barely spoken to Remus either. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” said Kai. “I’m fine.” 

“Rubbish.” Normally Aria wasn’t particularly confrontational, but clearly today she was done with Kai’s shit. Which was possibly fair. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it here,” she admitted. 

Aria didn’t reply, but headed off in the direction of one of the girls’ bathrooms, the one very few people used because it only had one functioning cubicle. Kai followed. Typically, it was empty. Aria dumped her books on one of the toilets and turned to Kai. “Right. What’s up with you?” 

“Which bit?” She knew she was dodging the question, but she did it anyway. 

“Pick one and explain it, because I don’t like seeing you like this, but I can’t do anything unless you talk to me.” 

Kai bit her lip. “Remus is pissed at me. Because I didn’t tell him about Sirius. And I think there’s something else going on, but I don’t know what and I have no idea how to fix this.” She rubbed her forehead. “I thought I was helping but it turns out I wasn’t at all. And I just—I don’t think he wants to talk to me now. So I can’t ask him.” 

“Oh, Kai.” Aria wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry.” 

Kai buried her face in Aria’s shoulder. 

“Is that why you were tired today? I know you’re not normally this tired after Astronomy, but that makes a bit more sense.” 

“I was up late trying to figure out what to do about it,” Kai admitted, lifting her head. “And I wanted to clear my head, which did not happen. I’ve never fought with Remus like this before, never this badly. And I hate it so much. I feel like—” It was hard to explain. It was kind of like someone had screwed one of her arms on the wrong way, or something equally off-putting; Remus was so close to her that being at odds with him was like being at odds with herself. 

“Remus probably feels the same,” Aria said. “If he feels anything like this, surely he won’t be able to stay mad at you. Maybe you just need to wait. I doubt he’ll give you the cold shoulder forever.” 

That was what Kai hoped. In the past they’d never been able to stay mad at each other longer than a few days; even though she held grudges often, it was difficult to do with Remus. But they’d never fought like this before, so who knew what might happen? 

“Hang in there,” Aria murmured. “Give him space. He’ll come around eventually.” 

“I hope so,” Kai whispered, her words muffled in Aria’s jumper. 

~

Reluctantly, Kai pushed her plate away from her. “I’d better get going. I don’t want to make McGonagall more cross.” 

The other four nodded agreement; Remus hadn’t come down for dinner. Assuming he was still tired, they hadn’t bothered him. 

“Miss Lupin.” McGonagall looked up with a small smile as Kai eased the office door shut behind her. “Biscuit?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Would you like a biscuit?” McGonagall held up a tin, angled towards Kai. 

Kai appreciated the offer, but this wasn’t what she’d expected at all. Confused, she made her way over to the desk and took a biscuit without looking too closely at the tin; it was a Ginger Newt. 

On the desk in front of McGonagall was an essay Kai immediately recognised as her own. 

McGonagall nodded, confirming Kai’s guess. “This is your last Transfiguration essay, Miss Lupin. I have reason to believe you were not at your best when it was written.” 

She’d finished it at two o’clock in the morning, yes. 

“Therefore, I would like you to rewrite it for me now.” McGonagall picked up the essay, along with several sheets of spare parchment, and a quill. 

Kai stuck her biscuit in her mouth to free up her hands, then took the stack and headed to the smaller desk that had been set up. Last night she had been in bed at a sensible hour, though it had taken her a while to fall asleep. Even if she were less tired than last time, this essay might not be much improved, because it was her writing it. Nonetheless, she pulled her pen from her pocket and spread the parchment out before her, because McGonagall was watching. 

The essay was one on Vanishing Spells, which Kai actually knew heaps about. If only McGonagall would ask her to speak about them, she’d get an E for sure, maybe even an O. The problem came in trying to write it down. The words on the page would not stay still. 

Forty-five minutes in, Kai had one messy paragraph and a headache. She kept her pen to the paper, hoping McGonagall wasn’t paying too much attention, as she let her head sink into her other hand. A quick glance sideways told her that McGonagall was, in fact, still watching, and she scribbled another word. 

The door slammed open. Kai jumped and dropped her pen. McGonagall looked up with a frown. It was James, out of breath with his glasses sliding down his nose. He pushed them back up. 

“Mr Potter, what is the meaning of this?” snapped McGonagall, half-rising to her feet. 

James didn’t even look at McGonagall. His gaze was fixed on Kai. “I didn’t want to interrupt your detention, Kai. But you gotta—you need to know. It’s Remus.” 

Kai stood up so fast her chair turned over behind her. She ignored it. “What about Remus?” 

Behind his glasses there were tears welling in his eyes. “He—he tried to kill himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE  
> referenced once this chapter, in the very last line  
> the next two chapters will deal with the event in more detail  
> if you want a summary of what happens beyond what's up above ^ (ie with spoilers), feel free to comment :) 
> 
> _  
> sorry for the cliffhanger except no i'm not


	10. I Don't Want to be a Burden Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sidebysidewithafriend: "what should i put for the chapter summary?"   
> redscrollsofmalec: "pain. and suffering. and more pain"   
> sums up this chapter pretty well i think 
> 
> if you've read chapter 8 you can probably guess what happens in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER!!   
> same trigger as for last chapter but dealt with in more detail; again, please click on "more notes" for more information

Kai actually staggered backwards at the words, tripping over her chair in the process. She landed hard. Then all of James’s words registered. “Tried?” she demanded. “You mean—” 

“We’re not sure,” said James, now looking anywhere but at Kai. 

“Has someone gone to get Madam Pomfrey?” asked McGonagall as Kai struggled to her feet. 

James nodded. “Peter’s there right now.” 

Kai dared to glance towards McGonagall with a question in her eyes. 

“Go, Kai,” said McGonagall at once. “I’ll follow.” 

Kai needed no further prompting; without even needing to think about it consciously, she took off running. 

Her back ached from where it had hit the chair, but she hardly noticed the pain as she pelted through the castle. James ran beside her, matching her pace. Her thoughts moved as fast as her feet, question after question. Every single one circled back to  _ why?  _

She just felt empty. She couldn’t believe what James had said, not really. It seemed as though it had happened in a dream, somewhere else or to someone else. It wouldn’t be real until she saw it for herself. It couldn’t be. 

One of the staircases moved away from them, just before they could reach it. She barely registered it in time, and stopped so fast she fell over, scraping skin from her hands as she caught herself. James helped her to her feet and they kept going. 

Finally, finally, they skidded to a halt in front of the Fat Lady. 

“ _ Quid agis, _ ” panted James. 

Latin for ‘how are you?’. Kai had no idea why that fact popped up in her head now, of all times. 

“I’m good, thank you,” said the Fat Lady with a smile. 

“Not now!” James shouted. He turned back to Kai and rolled his eyes, clearly trying to pretend he wasn’t as worried as he was. He didn’t manage to hold it very long, though; the expression collapsed into one of fear. 

_ Why?  _ was still all Kai could think.  _ Why why why?  _

The Fat Lady grumbled, “Oh, all right.” 

As the portrait began to swing open, James said, “Sirius had to go get Aria, she was helping Professor Kettleburn. They should be on their way now.” 

Kai just nodded. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, standing aside to let her climb through the portrait hole. 

She turned back, halfway through. “You said he might be—he—didn’t you?” 

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. 

Stomach turning over, she made her way through the hole and into the Gryffindor common room. Once there she didn’t wait for James; she ran up the staircase and across the landing to the dorm room, wishing she could shut her eyes against the horrific images her imagination was conjuring up. 

The door was shut. She didn’t stop in time, and slammed headlong into it. As she reached for the knob, her hand was shaking. 

Two steps into the room she stopped in her tracks. It was real, James was right, and oh  _ fuck _ . She ached to run to him, to see if he was alright, but what if all she found was a still cold shell of her brother?  _ Please no. Please no.  _

She couldn’t live without him. She couldn’t. Even if he might be alright, it seemed like someone had scooped out part of her chest. Her breath was coming faster, but her eyes were still dry, as though they refused to believe what they were seeing. He was practically a part of her. What would she do if he were—

Even if she could have braved the possibility, run to his side anyway, her shoes were rooted to the floor. 

Beside the bed, a bottle of pills had spilled onto the floor. Next to that lay a crumpled piece of paper. James ducked through the door behind her and reached for the paper, handing it wordlessly to her. She made no move to take it. She couldn’t tear her eyes from the bed, and Remus. If she hadn’t known better, she might have thought he was sleeping. The picture was almost peaceful. 

“Do you—do you want to know what it says?” 

She put her head in her hands. Her legs shook, but her feet still wouldn’t move.  _ Why?  _

The door creaked open once more. Sirius cursed from behind her; Aria ran past her, straight to the bed to kneel beside it. 

_ Don’t touch him,  _ Kai wanted to say, but her vocal cords were as frozen as her feet. 

“I think—” Aria began softly. 

“What?” James asked. 

“I think he’s alive.” 

Kai’s legs gave out under her and she stumbled to her knees. The carpet was rough on her palms as she caught herself. Tears began to flow, stinging her eyes and soaking her cheeks. They were probably drenching the ground in front of her, too, but she didn’t care. She pushed herself back to sitting, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Her breath stuttered as she inhaled. 

A pair of arms wrapped around her; through the blur of her tears she saw James’s dark brown hands. He said nothing, just held her as she sobbed. 

Someone else joined them too. “I’m sorry, Kai,” whispered Sirius. “I am so sorry.” 

As though miles away, Kai heard a crumple of paper, and Aria asked, “What’s this? Did Remus—”

“Yes,” said James quietly. 

“‘I don’t want to be a burden anymore’,” Aria read. 

Kai buried her face in James’s shoulder as a fresh torrent of tears poured from her eyes. How could Remus ever think he was a burden to them? James’s arms tightened around her. 

_ If you’d gotten your Animagus transformation by Tuesday,  _ murmured a nasty voice in the back of her head,  _ this would never have happened.  _

She wasn’t entirely sure she could dispute that. The debacle with Snape and Sirius wouldn’t have happened, and Remus would know how much they all loved him. She thought he’d known that. Maybe not. Had she told him recently? Should she have? Shit. 

The door opened again. Kai glanced up, trying to blink back tears, to see Peter, Madam Pomfrey, and McGonagall. She scrambled to her feet. 

Aria stepped back to allow Madam Pomfrey through the relatively small space. The room fell silent, so quiet that even the rustle of McGonagall’s skirts and the soft creaking of the bed frame were audible. 

Blood pounded in Kai’s ears. She was desperate for an answer to the question no-one had dared to ask aloud, but at the same time she didn’t want to know. What she really wanted was a Time-Turner, to go back two days or even further, and set things right before they could come to this.

But it was too late for that. She could only hope, heart in her throat, that she’d have another chance to fix things. 

“Minerva, will you make me a Portkey?” said Madam Pomfrey, straightening up. 

The sound snapped Kai out of her thoughts. “Where are you taking him?” She took a step forward. 

Aria’s hand slipped into hers and squeezed gently. 

“St Mungo’s,” said Madam Pomfrey. 

Even though she knew that was the logical place to go, Kai wanted to say no.  _ That was when you were five, _ she told herself.  _ That was completely different.  _ So she clamped her mouth shut and concentrated on Aria’s hand in hers, trying to reassure herself that this would be okay. 

A few minutes later, Madam Pomfrey and Remus were gone, and the room gave almost no indication that anything amiss had happened. 

“Kai.” The voice was McGonagall’s. 

A little surprised to hear a teacher use her first name, Kai looked up. 

“The Healers at St Mungo’s know their job. And Remus is a Hogwarts student, so he is under Madam Pomfrey’s charge. She will be there.” 

Had McGonagall read her mind? 

“And while I suspect this is the furthest thing from your mind right now, for the time being I am postponing your detention. We will discuss it at a later date.” 

She was right; it was the furthest thing from Kai’s mind. But it was reassuring to leave it there. 

McGonagall was still speaking; Kai tried to pay attention. “Aria, will you take Kai to the hospital wing? Get a Potion for Dreamless Sleep from Professor Slughorn’s office on your way.” With a small, sad smile, McGonagall left the dormitory. 

Aria tugged on Kai’s hand, but Kai resisted. She’d gone empty again. Fear nudged at the edges of her mind, but she was too numb to notice it properly. Even though everyone said Remus would be alright at St Mungo’s, she didn’t quite trust the place, and so to her there was still a large question mark about the outcome of tonight. 

“Kai,” Aria said softly. “We need to go. You need to rest.” 

Slowly, reluctantly, Kai let herself be pulled along. Her feet followed Aria, down the stairs, through the common room and out of the portrait hole, then through the corridors, but her mind was still elsewhere. Still trying to process what had happened, trying not to let the fear in. 

“He’s going to be okay,” said Aria, still quietly. “I’m sure of it.” 

And the fear spilled over. What if he wasn’t? What would she do? Her mouth went dry and her breathing began to quicken until she wasn’t sure she could breathe at all. It was as though she was underwater, trapped just below the surface, with no way to come up for air. Her stomach twisted and turned over. She stopped and leaned against the wall for support. Her legs gave out again, and she slid down the wall, landing in a half-seated heap on the ground. Still gasping for air, she pressed a hand to the stone beneath her, trying to ground herself. 

Aria crouched beside her and placed a hand on her knee. How was she this calm right now, when Kai’s entire world had been turned upside down? 

“Breathe with me,” said Aria, her voice level and soft. 

Kai tried to match her cousin’s inhale, but her breath ended in a hiccup and another gasp. 

Aria didn’t seem perturbed, but gestured for Kai to try again. One slow, careful breath. Then another. Slowly, the sensation of being underwater began to recede, and breathing came more easily. 

Aria gave her a reassuring smile. “Can you walk? Or do you want to wait here while I go to Slughorn’s office?” 

Kai snatched at Aria’s sleeve, though she hadn’t moved. “Don’t—don’t go.” 

“Okay.” Aria nodded. “I’ll stay with you. Can you stand? It’s not far to the hospital wing.” 

Somehow, she made it to standing, though her legs still trembled underneath her with every step. 

It seemed like there was no-one else in the hospital wing. Many of the lights were off, and all the beds Kai could see were empty. Aria directed Kai towards one of the nearby beds and picked up the folded pair of pyjamas that lay atop it. “Put these on. While you do that, I’m going to go to Slughorn. I’ll be right back, okay? I promise.” 

Kai didn’t want to be left on her own, but she was too drained to protest. Then Aria was gone, her footsteps receding quickly into silence, leaving Kai alone with the pyjamas and her thoughts. 

Moving as slowly as if she were moving through honey, she changed out of her jumper, T-shirt and jeans and into the pyjamas. That done, she dropped her clothes and sat down on the bed, sinking a little way into the soft mattress. Her back still ached from the chair she’d fallen onto. She’d almost forgotten about that. It seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Aria appeared from behind the curtain, out of breath and holding a small bottle of purple liquid. “Slughorn said to drink all of this, and you’ll sleep through til morning, okay?” She sat on the bed beside Kai and put both arms around her. Kai leaned into the hug and returned it as firmly as her exhausted body would allow, concentrating on Aria to keep herself from panicking again. After a moment, Aria pulled back and reached for the top edge of the blanket, folding it back. 

Still moving sluggishly, Kai clambered across the bed and under the blankets, settling back into the pile of pillows. Aria passed her the potion bottle and she raised it to her lips, then hesitated. She didn’t want to wake up alone tomorrow morning, in an empty hospital wing. Having her friend beside her was a comfort; she knew if Aria was here she would be safe. “Stay?” 

“I’ll stay,” promised Aria. “And I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Kai nodded and drank the potion in one go. She reached out to set the bottle down beside the bed, but blissful darkness was already creeping up on her. Whether the potion reached the dresser or not, she didn’t know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE  
> will also be featured in the next chapter   
> like i said last chapter, comment if you want a spoilery description of the chapter (like if you want to avoid the chapter because trigger, but want to know what happens). definitely happy to help out 
> 
> if you enjoyed this please leave us a comment we'd love to know what you think


	11. I Need You Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang waits for news of Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter deals with the aftermath of the previous two, so if you skipped those for trigger reasons, please be aware that it's referenced in this chapter (and the next one) 
> 
> also, both of us now have uni work (yay...) so we won't be able to update quite as frequently. (we also have different amounts of uni work, which will also mean an irregular posting schedule as some chapters will probably get done more quickly than others)   
> we're trying and we hope you enjoy this going forward, even if updates are less frequent! ❤️

“I thought she’d be awake by now.” 

“Shut up, Sirius.” 

“Is standing around here waiting going to help?” 

“Aria, always the voice of reason.” 

Kai realised that she was awake; she could hear voices, though they sounded a long way off. For a brief moment, she lay still, her mind blissfully empty. Then the memory of yesterday’s events set in and she opened her eyes with a small groan. It was day; the windows let in bright sunlight that spilled over the foot of her bed. 

Beside the bed were a couple of mattresses with a pile of blankets on them. They hadn’t been here when she went to sleep. 

Four faces appeared in her field of vision: Aria, James, Sirius and Peter. She reached up a hand to rub her eyes. “What… what are you all doing here?” 

“Didn’t want to leave you alone,” said James. 

“And you asked me to stay,” said Aria. 

“So we dragged some mattresses over and slept in here,” Peter added. 

Sirius was hanging back; Kai spared him a glance, then looked away, unwilling to deal with the confused mess of emotions that sprang up on seeing his face. 

“Also,” James began, “before you panic about Quidditch—”

“Was there Quidditch today?” With a sinking feeling, she realised there was. Or, there should have been. By her estimate, the game would be over by now. “I—”

James ploughed on, over her. “BEFORE you panic about Quidditch, McGonagall postponed the match.” 

“What?” 

“Technically we’re entitled to a walkover, since you guys couldn’t field a Seeker, but McGonagall called both teams to her office and said she’d postpone the match if we all agreed. Whole team did, both of them.” 

Kai smiled. “Thank you.” 

James shrugged. “It’s not entirely unselfish. I’d rather beat you properly, not just play a match where the outcome is all but inevitable. When we win, I want to have to fight you for it. Otherwise it’s no fun.” 

Kai prodded him. “Ha. Ha. You wish.” 

He just grinned and plopped down on the bed, hard enough to make it bounce. 

She had to ask. “Any word about—” 

“McGonagall said she’d let us know as soon as she hears from Pomfrey,” Aria said, joining James on the bed. 

“And nothing yet?” 

“Nothing. So nothing good, but nothing bad, either. But now that you’re awake, if there’s any news, you’ll be first to know.” 

Kai nodded slowly. The panic was still there, roiling in her gut, but she did her best to hold it back. It would be okay. She had to believe it. 

“You might want to get dressed, though,” said Aria, dumping a pile of clothes on the bed and topping it off with Kai’s hairbrush. “I went to your dorm. Figured you might not want to go, since people might ask questions.” 

“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?” 

Aria shrugged. “Probably not everything. But we did our best.” 

While the others moved their mattresses back to the beds from which they’d stolen them, Kai got changed. She did feel slightly more awake in jeans and a jumper, but she was still a little sluggish. Still tired, probably, but compounded by the wrongness of it all, the feeling of a part of her missing. 

“Do you want to talk?” said James, stretching out on Kai’s bed once more. “Or would you rather we distract you?” 

“I don’t know if I told you,” Kai said slowly, “but I fought with Remus the other day. And I just felt so awful about it, but I didn’t know what else to do but give him space. But maybe I should’ve talked to him.” The words spilled out of her in a rush. “I thought he knew how much I love him, how much we all care, and so I don’t think I’ve told him recently and then there’s the Animagus thing—” 

“If you’re going to say this is your fault,” interjected Sirius, “stop.” 

_ Are you going to say it’s yours? Because maybe it is.  _ Kai bit back the nasty thought. It was no-one’s fault, really. Not hers, not Sirius’s, no matter how angry she was at Sirius. 

“It’s no-one’s fault,” said Peter, voicing Kai’s thought. 

But what if she never had a chance to tell Remus again? She picked at a loose piece of skin beside her thumbnail. “I just don’t understand why. There was the chalk prank, but I didn’t think—I don’t understand how he could feel so unloved. How could he think that all he is is a burden?” 

Silence for a moment. 

“He knows about your Boggart,” said Aria softly. 

“Oh,  _ shit _ .”  _ I told you not to tell him, Aria.  _ “Did you—” 

“I didn’t tell him. He guessed.” 

She dropped her face into her hands. She hadn’t explained it to him; admittedly, it was hard to reconcile, even to herself. But he didn’t know that, he didn’t know how guilty she felt about it. He must just think she was terrified of him. That she hated him. 

“Kai?” It was James again. “What—if you don’t mind me asking, what was your Boggart?” 

“It—” She swallowed and lifted her head. “Remus. As a werewolf. But it’s not—it’s not quite like that, I—” 

James shook his head. “It kind of makes sense. You don’t have to justify it to us.” 

“Maybe I do to him.” 

“He’ll get it,” said Aria. “I’m sure he will. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you he found out.” 

_ He’s probably upset I tried to hide that, too. Sounds about right.  _ All of this hinged on the idea that she’d get the chance to explain, though. At the thought, tears welled in her eyes. 

James and Aria each, at the same time, put an arm around Kai. “Not your fault,” Aria said. “It just happened. A combination of things.” 

A footstep sounded behind them; Kai jumped to her feet. At first glance McGonagall looked as severe as ever, standing ramrod straight beside the curtain. Looking closer, though, Kai thought she detected a slight smile on McGonagall’s lips, but sadness in her eyes. 

“What is it?” Peter was first to ask the question that was on all of their lips. 

“He will be alright,” said McGonagall. 

_ He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay. He is!  _ Without thinking about it, Kai ran forward and hugged McGonagall. Then she realised what she was doing, and hastily pulled away. “Sorry, Professor.” 

McGonagall said nothing, but her hard gaze had softened a fraction. “I am given to believe he will be awake soon. You may Floo to St Mungo’s to see him if you wish, Miss Lupin.” 

“Yes!” There was no question about it. She had to see him, and quickly. 

McGonagall nodded. “You may Floo from my office. A temporary connection has been set up there. After that I will contact your parents. They must know what has happened.” 

Kai just nodded, too distracted to care about the details. Hope swelled in her chest, so much that she thought she might float off the ground if she wasn’t careful. 

~

The corridor of St Mungo’s smelt the same as it had when she was five, cold and scrupulously clean. She was on a different floor now, not the first floor as previously, but the corridors all looked much the same. If she closed her eyes, there was no difference, and she was not-quite-five years old again, clinging to her mother’s hand. 

_ “Why can’t they fix him, Mummy?” The place on her shoulder where the cut had been still stung a little, but the procedure had been quick. There was nothing there now but white scars. “They fixed me quick, why not him?” She stared at the closed door before her, where they’d taken her brother. And he still hadn’t come back. She shivered and leaned closer to her mother.  _

_ “It’s not so straightforward, sweetie,” said her father softly. “We might have to wait a bit longer.” He crouched down and lifted her into his arms, holding her close until she stopped shaking.  _

Even later, once she’d understood why it wasn’t quite the same, what a werewolf bite meant and why it wasn’t the same as a scratch, she’d been left with the same feeling of distrust. In fact, for the first month or so—at least—it had been, if anything, worse. They hadn’t healed him, even though their jobs were literally Healers. Five-year-old Kai had struggled to see how that was fair, even after she understood what it meant. 

Ten years had only taught her that it wasn’t fair, and that she should stop trying to see how it might be. She rubbed her shoulder. It wasn’t the first time she’d wondered what it might be like if they’d both been turned that night. Maybe he wouldn’t have felt so alone all this time. 

The door in front of her was still closed, and she thought she might explode if she had to wait any longer.  _ “He will be alright,”  _ said McGonagall in her head.  _ He’s going to be okay he’s going to be okay he’s going to be okay.  _ He would live. But she had to make sure he knew he was loved. 

What was the most important thing to tell him? What should she say first? Talk about the Boggart, tell him she loved him, apologise for the fight, what? Too many things. At least now she knew they had time, the one thing they hadn’t had last night. 

The door opened and Madam Pomfrey stepped out. “Good morning, Miss Lupin,” she said with a smile. 

“Is he—” 

Madam Pomfrey just held the door open and gestured her inside. 

His face was gaunt and tired, as tired as Kai had ever seen him after a full moon, but he was sitting up in bed. All the things she’d wanted to say went out the window; she ran to the bed and threw her arms around him. Ignoring the hospital smell of his clothes, she buried her face in his shoulder and clung to him as tightly as she dared. Tears stung her eyes. 

After a moment, he hugged her back, if cautiously, and she let herself be lost in the comfortable familiarity of it all. 

She wasn’t sure how long it lasted before he pulled back, but it wasn’t long enough. She wasn’t sure a hug could ever be long enough, really. 

“Kai—” he began, but she cut him off. 

“You’re not a burden,” she told him. “You hear me? You’re not and you never will be.” 

He looked startled at her words. 

“You’re my brother.” She couldn’t hide her smile, despite her watery eyes. “I need you around, okay?” 

“Your Boggart is me,” he said, still looking uncertain. “I’m your greatest fear.” 

She shrugged. “Screw my Boggart.” 

“That’s not how that works.” 

“Okay, fine. It’s complicated. But like, you’re not  _ you _ at the full moon. Not really.  _ You _ —” she poked him in the shoulder “—are my brother. I’m not scared of you. I love you. Always have, always will.” She took a deep breath. “And maybe that is my greatest fear. But even so, there are several things that are also true. One, you’re my brother and practically a part of me. Two, I love you. Three, I can’t live without you.” 

There was an agonising pause.  _ Please understand, please understand…  _

Then he nodded slowly. “Werewolves are pretty fucking terrifying, I suppose. Greyback was. I was kind of scared of myself for years.” 

She bit her lip, her throat suddenly choked up. “I’m not sure there’s much I can do about the fear.” Except maybe one thing, but she couldn’t tell him about that yet. Soon. “But I know that you matter more to me than that. I need you in my life, ups and downs. More than anything or anyone else.” 

“I’m sorry about Wednesday night. Thursday morning, whatever it was. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry too. You were right. You’re not a child, or at least no more than me.” 

He smiled, actually smiled, even if it was only a small quirk of the lips. “You’re only six minutes older, so don’t get ideas.” 

“I still wanna help you, but you gotta talk to me, okay? Talk to me when you feel like crap.” 

“It hurts you, I can tell. When I talk about full moons.” 

“I’d rather that than lose you like this,” she said at once. “Look. Yes, it’s hard. I hate to see you hurting, and it brings back bad memories. But that’s my problem, not yours. And I think on this one, your feelings are more important. You’re the one that has to live with it, after all. So,  _ please _ , talk to me. Talk to any of us. And tell me how I can help you, because you don’t have to go this entirely alone.” 

There were tears in his eyes now, and he smiled. A real smile. “I’ll try.” 

She punched him, gently. “And on an entirely selfish note, don’t you dare do that to me again, you  _ asshole.  _ I need you around, remember?” 

He laughed through his tears. “If you insist.” 

“I insist.” She hugged him again, this time laughing and crying in equal measure. This time, he hugged her back tightly, like he’d never let her go. She hoped he never would. 

~

It was mid-afternoon; their parents had come and gone some time ago, but Kai still hadn’t left the ward. Remus had taken a nap, so she was curled up in an armchair sketching, and keeping an eye on him. The room was blissfully quiet; Madam Pomfrey had returned to Hogwarts for the time being, and there were few other patients and visitors present. An hour or so ago, a Healer had given her a blanket to wrap around her while she drew. 

The chattering of voices infiltrated the silence, quietly at first but growing steadily louder. Kai lifted her head, listening. Something about it sounded familiar, but she wasn’t quite sure what. Then the door opened to admit her friends, and she set down her sketch with a grin. 

James started towards Remus’s bed before noticing he was asleep, so headed in Kai’s direction instead. She unfolded herself from the armchair and sat forward. Peter sat carefully on the end of the bed, and Aria ran straight to Kai to hug her. 

“Did you hear today’s Quidditch drama?” James asked. 

Kai peeked around Aria’s hair. “No?” 

“Well, apparently not the whole Ravenclaw team showed up to McGonagall’s last night. One of your Chasers was missing, and he got really ticked that no-one told him about the cancelled match. He didn’t want it to be cancelled, or something, and would’ve said so if he’d known.” 

“Sounds like Damien,” Kai muttered. “Was it Damien?” 

James shrugged and leant on the bedframe. “I don’t know Damien. Tall black guy?” 

“Damien. Figures. He’s a jerk.” 

“Anyway, Will was all like ‘well you should’ve shown up when McGonagall called the teams to her office’, and Damien was just like ‘I didn’t hear it and no-one came to get me’ and then someone else said ‘dude I was right next to you in the common room when we heard about it’. Damien just went purple and stormed out.” 

Kai laughed. “Figures. Suck it up, Damien. Who was the other person?” 

“I think it’s your Keeper? Smaller stocky girl, Chinese I think.” 

“Yeah, that sounds like Bella. I think Will only puts up with Damien because he’s a seventh-year and we couldn’t find any other good Chasers this year. As much as he’s a twat, he is a good player.” 

Peter put in, “I think Will was surprised that Damien wouldn’t have voted in favour of a rematch or a rescheduling. He was pretty mad when he found out.” 

“He was very defensive of you,” said Aria, “which was rather sweet.” 

Kai smiled. “Only about eight months more that we have to put up with Damien. Although then we lose Bella too, which no-one’s looking forward to.” 

“Wasn’t it Damien who knocked you off your broom in third year?” Remus pushed himself up to sitting and rubbed sleep from his eyes. 

“It was. And then he lectured me about staying out of his way.” She loaded her words with sarcasm, though she was secretly just elated to hear his voice again. To remember that he wasn’t gone, that last night hadn’t been an ending. “Because he was the captain, so he could do that.” 

James had lost interest in the Quidditch discussion—an impressive feat, in Kai’s opinion—and had gone to tackle Remus in a hug. Peter and Aria followed, grinning. Sirius lagged a little behind, staring at the ground, but eventually sat down on the bed beside the other three. Kai’s urge to throw Sirius off Gryffindor Tower was still there, but she tried to ignore it, and looked instead at the radiant grin that had lit up Remus’s face, though it was a little hard to see through the heap of friends on top of him.  _ Remus can decide about Sirius, _ she told herself. After all, it was really Remus who had been hurt by it, so he should decide whether to forgive Sirius. Kai would follow her brother’s lead. Or, at least, she would try. 

“Moony?” 

Silence fell, and every eye in the room turned to Sirius. Kai fought to keep her expression neutral. 

“Can I talk to you? Alone?” 

Remus said nothing for a moment. His face betrayed little, but Kai saw a flash of wariness in his eyes. Finally, he said, “Alright.” 

Kai gathered up her sketching things and joined the others on their way out of the room.  _ He’d better be apologising,  _ she thought, and she was tempted to look back to gauge his expression, but didn’t. It wasn’t really her business. 


	12. This Conversation was Long Overdue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus returns to Hogwarts, difficult conversations arise and Kai is under pressure to get her Animagus soon.

Ever since last night, when he’d learned what had happened, Sirius had been thinking of what he could possibly say to apologise. But now that Remus was okay, and they were in the same room, alone, his mind was coming up blank. What do you even _say_ after something like this? What could you possibly say that might make something about this even the slightest bit better? Sirius had done something dumb, reckless, irresponsible, and it’d almost cost Remus his life.

How do you come back after that?

Remus cleared his throat, a faint sound, and Sirius realised that he’d been pacing and Remus’s bed was several feet away. “What did you want to say to me?”

“Right, yes, of course.” Sirius walked back towards the bed, but stopped to leave a cautious distance between them. Now that he was standing still, his foot was tapping the floor. It was an infuriating sound, it echoed off the walls and reminded Sirius that he still hadn’t said anything useful yet. “Remus—” he silenced his foot “—I want to apologise for the… prank.”

Remus didn’t say anything, didn’t even look up at Sirius, but Sirius supposed it was a good thing that he hadn’t been told to fuck off yet.

“It was stupid, Moony, it was so stupid, and I knew it was stupid then, and I wish I’d never done it, but I know I did, so I just want to say that I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, and I know it’s all my fault—”

“Sirius,” Remus said in a quiet voice. Sirius clamped his jaw shut. “It’s not your fault.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius said before he could stop himself. “It was me. I did the prank.”

“I know. But _what happened_ , that’s not your fault.” Remus was biting his lip. Hard. Sirius hoped he wouldn’t make it bleed.

“But it’s not your fault either,” Sirius insisted.

Remus shrugged and let his lip fall back into place. “I was the one that did it. No one can deny that.”

“But that’s only because all the stuff that happened pushed you to do it. You can’t put it all on yourself.”

“Let’s not talk about faults.” Remus slowly lifted his head so that his eyes were meeting Sirius’. They were tired and red-rimmed, but they were the same shade of warm brown that they’d always been.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Sirius was confused, he’d thought Remus would be angry at him. Maybe the potions they’d given him were affecting his emotions.

“When I first found out about the prank, I was so fucking angry I thought I might break something.”

_Okay, so maybe he is angry at me._

“It wasn’t just you, I suppose. I was also angry at Kai for never telling me anything, but I was mostly angry at myself. But, Sirius, you have to understand, you can’t just _do_ something like that to me.” Remus clutched the sheets with his fists, but didn’t look away from Sirius. “You can’t use me as your personal fucking weapon. I’ve spent my whole life fighting who society sees me as, I won’t let you prove them right. I refuse to be a murderer, even for someone who deserves it like Snape.”

Sirius nodded, feeling unable to speak right now. Remus was right, of course. If their roles were reversed, Sirius would be furious too. 

“And I couldn’t shake this feeling that that’s what you saw me as. A monster. That that was all anyone, even my closest friends, could see me as.”

“That’s the furthest thing from the truth!” Merlin, was that really what Remus had thought all this time? “You’re not a monster, Remus. You’re Remus Lupin, you wear odd socks and eat too much chocolate. You’re a Marauder, you’re _not_ a monster, and I’m so sorry you ever felt like you were.” Tears started to well in Sirius’s eyes. He blinked them away.

“You’re not just saying that? Please don’t lie to make me feel better, Sirius. It won’t work.”

“I’m only saying it because it’s true. It’s always been true and I wish I’d said it more often. I wish I’d told you every single day.” Sirius didn’t say it, but the words hung in the air between them. _Maybe that would’ve been enough._

Remus sighed, but it wasn’t a frustrated sigh. It was a sigh of exhaustion. Sirius hoped this conversation wasn’t taking too great a toll on him. “In that case, you must have just not thought about the consequences at the time. Which isn’t an _excuse_ , but I suppose you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“ _Never._ ” Sirius shook his head. “I was an idiot, but I never wanted to hurt you. That’s the last thing I would ever want.” 

“I forgive you, Sirius. Just, for Christ’s sake, just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t, I promise.” Sirius took a couple of steps closer to the bed. “Thank you for forgiving me, it’s probably more than I deserve. And please believe that I never wanted to hurt you. We’re friends, or at least I hope we are.”

Remus smiled. It was a tired smile that only just reached his eyes, lifting the corners of them up slightly. But it was a smile nonetheless. “Of course we’re still friends. And you do deserve to be forgiven. I’m not going to hold a mistake against you forever, especially when I know that you’re already beating yourself up enough for it.”

Sirius grinned. He couldn’t help it, he was so happy that Remus still wanted him around.

“I know it might be too soon to ask, and I definitely don’t want to hurt you, but I was wondering if I could give you a hug?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I haven’t been hit by a bus, c’mere.”

_You almost died_ , was what Sirius wanted to reply. He held his tongue, though, and gently wrapped his arms around Remus’s skinny shoulders.

“I meant what I said,” Remus continued when they were still hugging. “You can stop beating yourself up. I forgive you. I just want to move on from here.”

“Okay. We can move on, but you have to promise to try not to see yourself as anything less than Remus Lupin. And to tell us if things get bad again.”

Remus’s arms tightened around Sirius. “I promise.”

~

The mantle above the fireplace in Madam Pomfrey’s office was covered with strange bottles and jars in various colours and shapes. In fact, the whole room was covered in them. Aria had to be careful not to move her head too fast lest her curly hair knock some of them over.

One of the phials on the shelf opposite her looked remarkably similar to the ones they’d stored the Animagus potion in. With this realisation came a pang of regret. They’d come so close to succeeding, but Kai hadn’t managed to make it in time before… _that_ happened. Aria didn’t blame Kai. She was there for all of Kai’s attempts, she knew how hard Kai had been trying. Too hard, in Aria’s opinion. No, what she regretted was not telling Remus. Not involving him at all. If they had treated him more like a friend than a charity case then maybe he wouldn’t have done it. Or maybe he would’ve. It was impossible to know exactly what was going on in his head, but Aria knew she wouldn’t have enjoyed being left out. At the time, it had felt like a game. Sneaking around behind his back. Making up terrible excuses that he never questioned because he trusted them. It didn’t feel like a game now.

“Do you think we should tell him?’ Aria’s voice sounded loud and foreign in the quiet room. No one had said anything much since they’d arrived.

“Tell him what?” Kai said. Her stance changed and became more guarded, which happened whenever Remus was mentioned.

“About the Animagi stuff. I know we said we’d show him when it was all complete, but it feels wrong to keep it from him now.”

Kai’s face crumpled into a pained expression. “Can we wait just a little longer? I think I’ll be able to do it next time.”

“But why do we have to wait? Come on, he’s been left out enough already. Maybe if we tell him, he’ll feel a bit better knowing that we weren’t neglecting him for no good reason.”

“We can wait a few days and he’ll still feel better.”

“Why are you so against this, Kai?” Aria was confused, she’d thought that Kai would be on board with anything that would benefit Remus.

“Because it’s my fault,” Kai shot back. She was glaring at Aria, but her lip was quivering. “I’m the one who can’t do it. I’m the one that failed.”

“I understand, and Remus will too. He won’t hold it against you. I just think we need to stop lying to him.”

“We’re not _lying_ to him, we’re—” Kai gesticulated wildly as she struggled to finish “—delaying the truth.”

“I agree with Aria,” Sirius said from where he was standing by the window. “We’ve done enough lying. Remus deserves to know.”

Kai didn’t turn her head to acknowledge him, but her frown deepened. “We’re not lying.”

Aria threw a desperate look at her other friends. “Guys? What do you think?”

James held up his hands. “I don’t want to argue either way. I personally think a few more days won’t do any harm, but it seems we have a pretty shit grasp on what does and doesn’t cause Remus harm.”

That shut everyone up. He was right, none of them had seen it coming, had seen what harm they’d somehow done. Aria still believed that honesty was what Remus needed right now, but she might be wrong.

Kai had lost her anger. Her shoulders were slumped forward; it was likely that shame was now weighing heavy on her. “Please. Just a few more days. A week. Give me a week, and if it hasn’t worked by then, you can tell him.”

“Alright then,” Aria conceded. “A week. And no more lies after that.”

Peter and James both nodded. Sirius stared out the window, ignoring her.

“Sirius?” Aria said. She needed to make sure that he was on board with their plan.

“I won’t tell him.” He kept looking out the window. “But I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Duly noted,” Kai spat out in a tone that told Aria she hadn’t noted anything. 

The sound of combustion suddenly filled the room. The air grew warm and a green fire blazed in the fireplace. Out of the chimney appeared Remus, followed closely by Madam Pomfrey. Remus was covered in soot and coughing out lungfuls of ash, but he was here and that’s what mattered.

There was a chorus of “Remus!” and “Moony!” from the Marauders. Kai was closest to him so she took hold of his hands and helped him to his feet. Aria went over to Pomfrey and offered her a hand to be polite.

Remus brushed soot off his robes, his hands getting in the way of Kai’s, which were doing the same thing. “I know I was only there for a little while, but I actually missed this hospital wing.”

“Hogwarts has missed you too, dear,” Pomfrey told him.

“ _We’ve_ missed you,” Kai said.

Remus stared at her. “You saw me yesterday.”

“So? We still missed you.”

“We really did, mate.” James leaned over and patted Remus’ shoulder gently. Sirius looked like he wanted to come closer, but held back. Kai was still fussing over Remus, and Aria knew that things were still rocky between her and Sirius. 

“Glad you’re with us now.” Aria smiled at him and gave one of his hands a small squeeze. 

~

“So I take it that classes have started for you again?” Remus asked. He was still in the hospital wing; Madam Pomfrey wanted to keep him there for a few more days. Kai was visiting him, which she tried to do as often as she could.

“Yeah they have. It’s been alright, ‘cept Greyhame of course. It’s nice to have a distraction.”

“Yes,” Remus agreed. “It is nice.”

“Remus.” Kai shot him a look.

“Kai.” He returned it.

“You don’t have to do anything but recover for now,” Kai reminded him. “McGonagall said she wants you to recover before coming back to school.”

Remus shook his head. “I am recovered enough. And I’ve already missed enough work. Could you please bring me some of your notes?”

Kai raised an eyebrow. “Just notes?”

“Yes, just notes. I just want to be able to keep up with the content.”

“Alright.” Kai supposed that this wasn’t an unreasonable request. “One problem though, I don’t really take notes.” She could ask Aria for hers (they were all nice and colour-coded), but Aria liked to study with them and Kai didn’t want to make it hard for her to keep up. James’s were patchy and covered in notes between him and Sirius, Sirius’s were non-existent, and Peter’s were so messy that only he could read them.

“You could ask McGonagall,” Remus suggested. “I’m sure she can work something out.”

“Maybe.” Kai had been a bit wary of McGonagall since the detention and everything that’d followed. 

“Kai, Aria told me what McGonagall did that day with your detention and the dreamless sleep. She’s a good person, she’ll want to help.”

“I know she is.” Kai changed the water of the flowers by Remus’s bed for something to do with her hands. “I’ll talk to her, figure something out.”

“Thank you.”

Kai bent down and pushed Remus’s hair back before kissing his forehead. “Keep taking your Blues-Away potion, I’ll be back to visit tomorrow with some notes.”

~

The door to McGonagall’s office was ajar. Kai peered through the gap, not wanting to barge right in. There was no one sitting in the chair behind the desk, but there was a grey tabby cat snoozing on the sunny windowsill. The sight was both heartwarming and frustrating. It was rare that McGonagall allowed her students to see her Animagi form, and they never got to see her like this: relaxed and unguarded. But it was also taunting Kai with what was just barely out of her reach. Her friends had given her one week to sort it all out, and she had no idea what she could do differently to make it work.

Kai rapped her knuckles on the door, loud enough to hopefully wake McGonagall, but not loud enough to frighten her. It would have been more courteous to look away and give her some privacy, but Kai couldn’t help but watch. The cat lifted her head and blinked slowly. She must’ve seen Kai through the gap in the door, because her cat eyes widened and she leapt to her feet, transforming into an adult woman wearing emerald robes. McGonagall straightened her witch’s hat and hurried to her desk.

“You may enter,” she said to Kai. Her voice was calm and steady, as if she had been sitting there the whole time.

Kai sat down in front of her desk. It was covered in scrolls and scraps of parchment, with at least five quills in various ink pots. Amidst the clutter, two things stood out to Kai: her essay on Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration, and Remus’s essay on Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration. Which was technically also hers. She’d written it for him during a bad week when he was swamped with things he had to catch up on. McGonagall hadn’t said anything at the time, so Kai had assumed she’d gotten away with it.

McGonagall must’ve noticed her looking at them because she twitched her wand and they disappeared. Kai gulped. That wasn’t a good sign.

“What did you want to speak with me about, Miss Lupin?”

“Um, it’s about Remus,” Kai began. Immediately, McGonagall’s expression shifted from her usually businesslike one to one of sympathy and understanding.

“It’s nothing bad,” Kai said, feeling the odd urge to reassure her teacher. “I just wanted to request some notes to take for him to read while he’s still in the hospital wing.”

“I see.” McGonagall’s expression was all business again. “And what is preventing you from sharing your personal notes with him?”

“Um…” _Shit._ Kai didn’t have a good answer for that one. She knew what the truth was; she couldn’t share her notes with Remus because said notes were few and far between. Why would Kai bother taking notes for herself when she would never bother reading them? And though she would be willing to try for Remus, she doubted any of her sentences would make sense to him, and she’d be distracted and unable to retain anything from the class.

But she couldn’t tell McGonagall that. She was a Ravenclaw, and a prefect to boot. She couldn’t tell her that she never bothered to take notes. There was no way in hell that conversation would go smoothly.

“I need my notes to study, Professor. I would hate to fall behind with OWLs coming up.” Kai hoped that was believable enough.

McGonagall didn’t miss a beat before replying, “You can bring them to me and I’ll perform a duplication spell for you.” Kai felt like tearing her hair out. This was not going well.

“My handwriting is quite messy, and I don’t know if my notes would make sense to Remus. Please, Professor, I just don’t want to make things harder for him. He’s already been through so much.” Kai knew that was a low blow, but she was rapidly running out of excuses. 

McGonagall stared at Kai for a good few seconds, one eyebrow slightly higher than the other. Kai hated it when people looked at her like that. Like she was a puzzle they were trying to fit together. Eventually, McGonagall said, “Very well. I will have a set of notes for you to bring to Mr Lupin at the end of each day. I will make sure Madam Pomfrey knows that they are to go to Mr Lupin and only Mr Lupin.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Kai exhaled, feeling some of the tension leave her body. Thank goodness McGonagall bought that.

“Miss Lupin?” The sympathetic, motherly expression from before was back. “Are you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell me? Sometimes it’s better to tell someone else, than to leave things bottled up inside us.”

Kai’s heart picked up speed. Was this where she’d bring up the essays? How much trouble would she be in? Did Hogwarts even have a policy on plagiarism? Kai had been so close to leaving the office unscathed, she didn’t want to blow it now.

“No, Professor, that was all,” Kai fought to keep her tone light and unbothered.

“Very well. You may leave.” McGonagall didn’t look convinced, but at this point, Kai didn’t care. She got to her feet and walked calmly out of the office. Once the door was closed behind her, she bolted to Ravenclaw Tower.

~

The library was dead quiet. It was always quiet; Madam Pince never hesitated to kick students out for disturbing the peace. She once kicked someone out for breathing too loudly. Aria needed the quiet, and she was certain Kai did too. They were both working on a monstrous Astronomy essay. They’d been at it all afternoon and Aria still had the conclusion to go.

Aria put down her quill and rubbed the cramp in her hand. She snuck a glance at Kai’s essay and grimaced. It was no secret to Aria that Kai struggled with essays, but this was worse than usual. Kai had barely written an introduction, and every second word was crossed out. 

“Kai,” Aria said. Her voice was a soft whisper, but it still carried in the silent room.

“What?” Kai whispered back. Aria looked over her shoulder, half-expecting Madam Pince to swoop in like a vulture and ban them from the library. She got out her wand and cast a quick _Muffliato_ over them. 

“I know you’re having trouble with your essay.” Aria wanted to be delicate with Kai’s situation, but there wasn’t really a delicate way to phrase it.

“It’s an essay. Essays suck. But I’ll get through like I always do.” Kai bent over her parchment and picked up her pen. She likely thought that was the end of their conversation.

“The problem isn’t just essays, Kai.”

Kai looked wary. “Where are you going with this?”

Aria held up her hand to count off items with her fingers. “You struggle with essays, you never take notes, you mix words up sometimes, you have a great aural memory, and you’re very intelligent.” She paused to let that sink in. “I think you have dyslexia, Kai.”

Kai blanched. “What the hell is dyslexia?”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Aria reassured her. “Plenty of people have it. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid or anything.”

“What is it? Can it be cured?”

“I don’t think so, but it can be managed. I’ve done a little research.” Aria had done more than a little research. This conversation was long overdue.

“Seriously, Aria, what is it?”

“It’s when you have trouble with reading and writing. Words are just hard for your brain to deal with.”

“Hmm.” Kai stared blankly into the distance for several seconds. Then she looked back at Aria with a hint of hope in her eyes. “So it’s a real thing? It’s not just me?”

“It’s a very real thing,” Aria confirmed. ‘Well, for Muggles it is. Wizards don’t really know anything about psychology.”

“But you did say there’s no cure.” Kai’s face fell again. “So I’m always going to be shit at reading and writing. And OWLs are coming up and I’m probably going to fail the written components because there’s nothing that can fix me.” 

“It can be managed,” Aria reminded her. She didn’t want Kai to lose what little hope she had. “I’m sure we can find ways to make school work easier for you so can feel more confident come OWL time.” Aria had racked her brain in the past for spells that could be useful to Kai, but she’d come up blank every time. That led her to the most difficult part of this conversation. “I think it would be best to talk to a teacher about it.”

“No.” Kai said flatly. “Not a chance. They would never understand.”

Aria had been expecting her to react like that. “You don’t know that for sure. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“What’s the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is I lose my prefect badge and get kicked out of Ravenclaw and maybe even Hogwarts.”

“Kai,” Aria said gently. “They didn’t kick Remus out. They’re not going to kick you out for being dyslexic. You’re being overdramatic.”

“Maybe you’re being under-dramatic. It’s easy for you to say, you don’t have a weird brain thing that could get you expelled.”

“Look, I understand that this is all very new for you, so how about I find the book I used to research it so you can check it out yourself.”

“A book.” Kai snorted. “Very helpful. If only I didn’t have a condition that makes reading difficult.”

Aria wouldn’t let herself be deterred. “I’ll read the hard parts for you if it’ll help. You don’t have to read it all, I just thought it might be nice to have some more information. I’m not the best at describing things.”

“Hey.” Kai patted Aria’s arm. “You described it really well. And if you think a book will help me with this dyslexia thing, then it’s worth a shot.”

Aria smiled. “Great. Let’s leave our stuff here and head over to the Muggle Studies section.”

The books in the Muggle Studies section were different to the ones in the rest of the library. They weren’t hundreds of years old and they didn’t scream at you if you turned their pages too roughly. Aria scanned the shelves until she found the bright red book on psychology.

“There it is.” She handed the book to Kai. “You can borrow it and take your time reading it.”

“I may need to take a lot of time to read it properly.” Kai pointed at the image on the cover. “What’s that?” 

“That’s what your brain looks like.”

Kai wrinkled her nose. “Weird.”

“So this is the section on dyslexia.” Aria flipped to the right page. 

Kai started reading it and made a noise of delight. “Look, the letters have more space between them so it’s easier for me to read.”

“Really?” Aria peered over Kai’s shoulder to look. “I didn’t notice that when I was reading it.”

“Well you wouldn’t really see the difference unless you needed to.”

“I did read that that’s one of the ways it can be managed,” Aria said. “I’m sure we can find others that will work for you.”

Kai tucked the book under one arm and pulled Aria into a hug with the other. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do all that research for me, but I’m glad you did.”

Aria smiled against Kai’s jumper. “You’re welcome. We’ll make it work, Kai. I don’t fully know how, but we will.”


	13. The Shrieking Shack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai's one week is running out, but there's a lightning storm coming. Will she manage her transformation this time, though, especially with the rest of school life going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy this monster of a chapter (it kind of just happened and I'm not sorry). grab a snack.

She’d managed to get out every single thing she owned for this one Transfiguration double, somehow. Two pens (one had run out), several sheets of parchment to at least attempt to take notes for Remus—a definite failure—and textbooks that she’d tried to read alongside everyone else, which hadn’t worked out either. And her wand, because it had been a practical. Thank goodness. Practicals were the best sort of lesson, and she was good at Transfiguration. With a sigh, she lifted her bag and started filling it. 

“Kai?” 

She glanced up. The room had basically emptied while she’d been musing. The only person still there was Sirius, staring at her with a question in his eyes. 

“What?” 

“Can I talk to you?”

“Go ahead,” she muttered, struggling with a textbook that did not seem to want to fit in her bag, despite having been in there two periods ago. She had a good guess as to what he wanted to talk about. Last Tuesday. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I am so fucking sorry.” 

She felt bad that she wasn’t looking at him, and lifted her head, leaving the textbook alone. Earlier in the week she’d talked to Remus; she knew he’d forgiven Sirius, but she hadn’t had a chance to talk to Sirius yet. She also hadn’t figured out what she would’ve said, so this was good. “Thanks.” 

“I know my prank itself mostly hurt Remus. But these last two weeks were really shitty for you. That’s my fault and I’m really sorry. I swear to you, I’ll never do it again.” 

A small smile twisted her lips. “If you do, I’ll throw you off Gryffindor Tower. And that’s a promise too.” 

He nodded. “And look, I get it if you don’t want to forgive me just yet. But I had to say it. I wanted you to know I know I was wrong.” 

She drummed her pen on the desk, considering her next words. “I  _ want  _ to. I want to be friends again and move forward like it never happened. But I’m not sure my mind is entirely working with me.” She held grudges like a champion, or so Remus told her. But even if she couldn’t stop the occasional involuntary nasty thought, she could try. She could choose to be friends with Sirius. She would choose to forgive. “I forgive you,” she said quietly. 

He nodded slowly. “Thanks. I’m still not entirely sure I deserve it.” 

“Beating yourself up won’t help anyone.” She should know; she’d spent the last week trying to stop herself doing much the same thing. 

They stayed in silence for a moment; Sirius standing, Kai sitting, her hand frozen on the pen she held. Then Sirius said, “Need a hand?” 

She glanced down at her half-packed bag. “No. I’m good. But thanks.” 

He turned to go; he was halfway to the door when he stopped again. “By the way, I heard a couple Ravenclaw sixth-years talking. They were studying metey-something. Weather? I think? They had a chart and everything. Anyway, I didn’t hear the details, but apparently there’s supposed to be lightning tomorrow.” 

The door slammed behind him, and Kai’s heart leapt. She was still within her week. A lightning storm tomorrow… just what she needed. 

She shoved the textbook again, and this time it slid easily into her bag as though there had never been a problem. 

~

Throughout double Herbology, it rained so hard Professor Sprout cast a charm on the greenhouse roof to reinforce it just in case. She’d had to tell them to wear wellies on their way down; judging by the state of the ground outside—if one could still consider it ground, as it seemed to be mostly liquid—Kai was very relieved. There was little worse than wet socks. She stifled a laugh; the past week or two had shown her a number of things over which she would take wet socks any day. Still, she was glad of them. There had been no lightning so far, though. 

“We’re going to finish up a bit early,” said Sprout, her voice amplified to carry over the relentless drumming of the rain. “Pack away your tools and clear your workspaces.” 

Lightning flashed overhead. Several students jumped, though Sprout appeared unperturbed. “I advise you head back in groups, so you can share Umbrella Charms.” 

Over the rumble of the thunder, Kai nudged Aria. “I’m going to the other side of the lake.” She tapped her hip pocket, where she’d stashed her phial that morning. 

Aria smiled. “Good luck. You’ve got this.” 

She’d been right. The ground was more puddle than actual ground; she could’ve sworn the water rose to her ankles, but it was hard to know for sure. Plus it was a little hard to concentrate on her feet when it felt like she was being pelted with anvils. She’d given up on an Umbrella Charm several minutes ago and had temporarily charmed James’s borrowed Invisibility Cloak to be waterproof instead. Not that that was much better. She was dry as far as the Cloak stayed on, but it wasn’t perfect, and the rain  _ hurt _ . She swore aloud, then hoped there was no-one around to wonder at the disembodied curse word. Though what idiot would be out in this weather? Apart from her, of course. She swallowed her laughter and continued on until she was sure she was alone. 

She’d have to step out from under the Cloak if she wanted to use her wand properly. She knew that. But it didn’t make it any more pleasant to emerge into the rain, which hit her like a ton of bricks. In seconds, she was drenched to the skin. She stuffed the Cloak into a pocket and shook her wet hair out of her eyes. Then she placed her wand tip to her heart and took a deep breath in. This had to work. It would work, she told herself. She was good at spells. “ _ Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus _ ,” she whispered, her voice lost in the storm. Thunder boomed; she felt it through the soles of her feet.

She waited four breaths, but felt only the beat of her own heart, barely audible over the crack of lightning.

If this didn’t work, then they’d tell Remus anyway. He’d know just how much they loved him. And either way, he wouldn’t have to spend the next full moon alone. She took another breath, feeling her heartbeat slowing, and closed her eyes. For a second, she tipped her head back and just stood there, alone and very small in the immense grounds. Rain washed over her face and down her body, strangely comforting. Then she lifted her head and readied her wand once more. Despite the icy cold of the rain, there was an odd feeling of warmth inside her chest. The thickness of the rain hid everything. There was nothing here but Kai and her wand. Only here and now. Last week, next week, all of them seemed to drift away. “ _ Amato, Animo, Animato, Animagus _ .” 

Had something happened? All she could hear and feel was the storm. Then, so fierce she felt it through her whole body, a pulsing began in her chest. A second heartbeat, just out of time with her own. She couldn’t mistake the pounding for anything else. Nor could she contain the laugh that burst from her mouth. It had worked! 

She reached into her pocket for her phial, stowing her wand carefully away. She fumbled the small crystal bottle and almost dropped it; both heartbeats came a little faster as she caught it and tightened her grasp firmly around it. The others had said it tasted terrible. She hardly cared. She dug a nail into the stopper and pried it free; where it fell she didn’t know and didn’t mind. The phial was warm from her pocket. She raised it to her lips and drank. 

Her stomach turned over. She wanted to throw up, but she couldn’t move. Something snapped, sending a spike of pain through her shoulder. Her skin burned; it seemed to be melting, changing, collapsing. Every bone in her body was shifting now, jerking out of its position. Fiery agony flooded through her veins. She lifted her head to scream, but nothing came out. The dull green of the grass in front of her seemed to be changing, fading, but maybe that was just the rain. The ground rushed up to meet her, and now a sound did come from her raw throat. A howl. The clearing smelled of rain, of fifty different kinds of plants, a hint of smoke wafting all the way from the castle. She turned her nose to the sky and howled again, though the pain was already subsiding, fading to distant memory. Her fur was soaked, but she didn’t mind. In the distance she heard voices. Food? Enemies? Then she remembered who she was, and what they were. She could hear the Hogwarts students. Now she knew what she was, too. She was a wolf. She was an Animagus! She turned in a circle, snapping at her sodden tail and jumping with excitement. 

It seemed as though her human body, Kai’s body, stood just beside her, just outside her peripheral vision. She couldn’t see it, of course, but she felt it. She reached for it with her mind, reached with every fibre for that familiar feeling, and all in a rush she was  _ her _ again. Well, she’d been her the whole time, but it was different somehow. She wrapped her arms around herself, laughing from sheer exhilaration. She’d done it! She’d done it! She popped back to her wolf form, fortunately far less painfully this time, and back to human, easy as blinking. And again, as though daring it not to work. She barely had to think about it, now that she’d done it once. 

She had to tell the others. The phial had fallen from her hand but she couldn’t see it in the gathering gloom. Never mind. She could come back for it. Her wand was still in her pocket, thank goodness. There wasn’t much point in putting a cloak on, James’s or her own, because she was soaked to the skin. As she had the thought, a convulsive shiver ran through her. She needed to get inside and get changed. Right now. 

~

Thank goodness for magic. It saved her a heap of time drying off, though her hair was still slightly damp. There was, unfortunately, no spell to change her clothes for her. Still, she got out of her school uniform in record time, and into a T-shirt, jeans and jumper. The jumper had once belonged to Remus, which seemed fitting. She almost smacked into Diana on her way out of the room, ducking around her with a hasty apology, and practically flew down the stairs. 

When she arrived in the Gryffindor common room, Remus and Sirius were nowhere to be seen, but the other three were huddled by the fire. She didn’t manage to stop in time, and tripped hard over a stray footstool. 

“Did you get it?” said Aria, as Kai picked herself up and caught her breath. 

The grin that spread over her face was so wide it made her cheeks sore. “Yes!” 

James tackled her in a hug, bowling her over once more. She just laughed. Aria was laughing too. 

“I knew you would,” said Peter with a smile. “You’re good at spells. Also, your jumper is on backwards.” 

Still grinning, she shoved James off her so she could adjust her jumper. “Get off, you git.” 

“Sorry.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “But you got it! I’m so proud of you!” 

“And we can tell Remus now!” Aria added. 

“Where is he? And where’s Sirius?” 

James gestured with his head, nearly knocking his glasses off his face. “Up in the dorms. We didn’t want to leave Remus alone.” 

Kai nodded, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Shall we?” 

“After you,” said Peter. 

Sirius answered Kai’s knock; he took in her damp hair and the expression on her face, and mouthed “did it work?” 

She nodded excitedly, and he pulled the door wide open. 

Remus looked up from where he sat on his bed with his knees drawn up to his chest. “You right, Kai?” He’d presumably noticed her wet hair. 

“Got caught out in the rain,” she said nonchalantly, though she was sure he saw right through the tone. She was just waiting for the others. “We have a surprise for you.” 

His face immediately turned wary. 

“It’s a good surprise, I swear. Wait two seconds and we’ll show you.” 

Peter was the last into the room; Kai glanced around at them all. “Shall we show him?” 

Everyone nodded. Kai reached for the wolf’s shape and melted into it, eyes fixed on Remus. Rat, dog, stag, and rabbit watched him just as expectantly. 

Remus ducked his head, burying his face in his arms. Heart in her throat, Kai returned to human and stepped forward, clinging to the bedpost so tightly she thought she might break a nail. “Remus?” 

He said nothing for a moment. Behind her, the others had turned back to human too. The worry in Aria’s eyes reflected the plummeting terror in Kai’s stomach. Had they done something wrong? 

Then he lifted his head. His cheeks were wet with tears, but his eyes shone. “You—you’re  _ Animagi _ ? What? How?” 

“Yeah.” Tears stung her own eyes. “We are.” 

“Why? I don’t understand.” 

Peter said, “Werewolves aren’t a danger to animals. Humans, yes, but not animals.” 

“We can keep you company at—” Kai began, but her throat was choked up. A tear spilled down her cheek. “At full moon.” 

Remus’s eyes widened as realisation dawned. “You didn’t—you didn’t have to do that for me.” 

“Of course we did,” she said at once. 

Sirius added, “Are you kidding? We’re your friends.” 

“And you can’t really think we’d keep Mandrake leaves in our mouths for several months for any other reason,” James put in. “They taste  _ awful _ .” 

_ “I don’t want to be a burden anymore.”  _ “Okay,” Kai said, “maybe we didn’t have to. But we wanted to. We really, really wanted to, because we love you.” 

Remus shook his head slowly. “Wow. I—fuck. I could never have asked that of you. And—” 

“We know,” said Peter. “That’s why we didn’t tell you. We figured you’d say it was too much work. Or that we shouldn’t bother.” 

“And we wanted it to be a surprise,” Kai said. “We wanted to tell you last full moon, before all—” She broke off. “But I only managed it today. I’m so sorry.” 

“It—it’s ok. I just can’t believe it. That—this is insane.” 

Kai grinned. “We love you, dumbass. Just in case you needed to hear it again.” 

Remus laughed. Kai took it as her cue to hug him. The bed creaked as the other four joined them in a laughing, excited pile; quite possibly the bed wasn’t meant to take this weight, but that didn’t matter. 

“I love you guys too,” said Remus softly after a moment. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

~

“How come you two are already here?” asked James, dumping his heavy book bag with a  _ thud _ . 

“Sprout let us go early again,” said Aria from her armchair. 

Kai grinned at the boys and sat up so she wasn’t taking up the entire couch. “She said because we all got there on time and all paid attention, we got through everything quickly. And we came straight here.” 

“I love Sprout. Someday I’m just going to ditch Defence and come crash your Herbology class,” muttered Sirius. 

Remus hadn’t said anything; Kai scanned his face. He looked tired, which was to be expected after his first day back in class, but it was hard to know if there was something more going on. She frowned. “You ok, Remus?” 

“Did Greyhame give you guys work?” said Aria, sitting up straighter. 

He shook his head slowly, and Kai breathed out. “No. She did not, thank goodness. And we’ve moved on from werewolves. I’m ok, just a bit tired.” 

She nodded. 

“Glad you’re ok, Moony,” Aria said. 

Without even bothering to take his books upstairs, Sirius flopped down on his back by the fire, stretching out with his arms above his head. His shirt rode up several inches, but he didn’t seem bothered. Nonetheless, Kai glanced the other way. Remus, still standing beside the couch, hadn’t shifted his gaze away from Sirius. Before she could comment, though, he sat down beside her. She stuck her feet under his legs. He jumped. “How are your feet cold? You’re sitting by the fire.” 

“Because it’s freezing out in the greenhouses?” she said. “I haven’t been here for that long.” 

He grumbled, but made no attempt to shift her feet. She grinned at him. 

Peter picked up a blanket from the floor and shook it out. “Hey, you know what? We need nicknames.” 

“What?” James perched on the arm of Aria’s chair. 

“I mean, Remus is Moony. I think the rest of us need nicknames too. Maybe Aria could be Cottontail or something.” 

“I like Cottontail.” 

James grinned. “I’m sold. I want a nickname.” 

“Because you’re a dork,” Sirius said. 

“Commence the brainstorm!” said Peter, smiling as he wrapped the blanket around himself. 

Aria set her book to one side. Its red cover reminded Kai of the book that was currently stashed under her bed, that she’d been slowly struggling through as often as she could find the time. She was pretty sure Aria’s book was just fiction, though. “James could be Bambi.” 

“What’s a bambi?” 

“You haven’t—of course you haven’t. It’s a Muggle film about a deer called Bambi.” 

“Oh yeah,” said Kai. “That absolutely  _ traumatic _ thing you forced us to watch the other summer?” 

“I didn’t force you to watch it.” 

“Does Bambi die?” James looked worried now. 

Aria laughed. “No. But maybe Bambi is a bit of a silly name.” 

“Hey Peter,” said Kai. “How about Rabies?” 

“No!” 

She grinned. “Didn’t think so. But worth a try.” 

He glared at her. 

“Sirius strikes me as a Snuffles,” said Remus thoughtfully. 

“Hey!” Sirius rolled over. 

Remus smiled. “What? Not punk rock enough?” 

“It’s adorable,” said James. 

“I’m not a puppy,” said Sirius, though his pouty expression begged to differ. 

Peter smiled. “I think James should be Rudolph.” 

“But then we’d have to paint his nose red every time,” said Aria. “He can be Dancer instead.” 

“Nah,” Kai said. “Cupid. Because he thinks he’s so good with the ladies. I think Lily would say otherwise, though.” 

“I am  _ wounded _ ,” James declared, sitting bolt upright with one hand to his chest. 

“What, cuz she’s right?” suggested Remus, barely managing to hide his smile. 

James tossed a pillow at him. Kai grinned, hurled the pillow back, and shuffled across the two-seater couch to lean against Remus’s shoulder. He slipped an arm around her. 

“Anyway. I’m not a reindeer.” 

“A very strange sentence out of context,” observed Aria. 

“So is most of this,” said Remus. 

Peter offered, “If Aria is Cottontail, maybe I’m Wormtail or something.” 

“That could work,” Sirius said, scratching his shoulder. 

Silence for a moment. Then Remus said, “I hate the thought of full moon a lot less. I don’t know that I’m exactly looking forward to it… but almost.” 

A lump rose in Kai’s throat. That was as good as she’d ever hoped for. 

“Sometimes I think you lot are total prats,” he continued. “And then you go and do something like this and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. Even when I spent all of first year insisting you wouldn’t want to be friends with me, and trying to—” 

“Avoid us,” said James. 

“Yeah, okay. But you always included me anyway, until one day we were friends and I didn’t even know how it had happened. Thank you.” 

“We still are total prats,” said Sirius with a grin. “But we have good days.” 

Remus smiled and sniffed. 

Kai frowned. It seemed unlikely, but she had to ask. “You haven’t been drinking, right?” Remus was not usually like this. 

“I have not yet tried alcohol to deal with Greyhame. Might be worth a try, actually.” 

“Do not do that.” 

“And I don’t think any of Pomfrey’s potions get you high,” said Peter. 

Kai laughed. “You’re allowed to be sappy, don’t get me wrong. It’s just unusual.” 

“So is spending three years becoming Animagi—illegally, might I add, and during school to boot—for your disaster of a friend.” 

“Anything for our fellow prat,” said Sirius. 

“Partner in prat-ness?” suggested James. “Prat-dom?” 

“I think I’m the prat,” said Peter. “P plus rat makes prat.” 

Kai laughed and snuggled closer to Remus.

~

Normally Kai tried to avoid staying late after third period anything, but there were two factors that, today, led her to stay perched awkwardly on her desk waiting for everyone else to leave. One: this was Transfiguration, and she wanted to talk to McGonagall. Two: Defence was next period, and while she knew Greyhame would be ticked at her, she still didn’t mind being late. 

“Do you wish to speak to me, Miss Lupin? Or did you merely wish to stare at the wall until lunchtime?” 

Kai realised that everyone had left, so she picked up her bag and approached the front of the room. “Er, no. Professor. I wanted to talk to you.” 

McGonagall set down the books she had just picked up. From between some of the covers poked several sheets of parchment. Essays. 

Kai had realised recently that McGonagall knew about her doing Remus’s essays. And it seemed best to come clean about it. But that wasn’t all she wanted to talk about. “What did you want to do about my detention?” She didn’t want to serve detention, of course. But if she had to, she’d rather get it over with. 

“I thought I might have you re-do some of your work, so you can do better. I understand that only the exam is assessed for your grade, but as I said to you, I suspect your essays were not written at your best.” 

This time Kai voiced the thought. “I did them at two a.m., yes.” She’d started now. She couldn’t stop. “Sometimes around full moons when Remus is really tired, I do stuff for him. I don’t want him to fail. But then it means I’m up late doing my stuff too. Which is why my essays have been a bit sh—a bit sucky sometimes.” Part of the reason, anyway. But she was still sorting through what to do about that. Telling McGonagall now was not on the list. 

“I see. Surely your teachers would be willing to make allowances?” 

“Greyhame isn’t,” she blurted, then corrected, “Professor Greyhame.” 

McGonagall’s eyebrows drew together in a frown. 

“That’s where it started. And most teachers—sorry, Professor—go on about OWL work and the importance of deadlines and I just—I don’t think it was meant to go this far. It just happened. And… yeah.” She chewed on her lip, unsure what to do or say next. “Plus there was one she set us on werewolves around the time of full moon, like on how terrible werewolves are and stuff like that, and there was no way I was letting him write that essay.” 

“Normally I would not make exceptions for students unless it is extremely necessary. I was not aware that it was necessary in this case.” 

“Full moons wear him out, really badly sometimes. And he tends to be out of it for a few days either side, which means studying can be hard. He knows what he’s doing, of course, he tries to catch up later, but I don’t want him to fail by missing a deadline.” 

McGonagall nodded. “I will speak to Mr Lupin about this, I think. I think it is best I hear it from him. And I will speak to his teachers.” 

“I doubt Greyhame will listen,” said Kai, and clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry. I just—she hates werewolves. I can’t see her giving him extensions.” 

“I will deal with that, Miss Lupin. Don’t you worry. In the meantime, all I ask of you is that you do your own work. I imagine that is quite enough for you without trying to do extra.” 

Kai nodded sheepishly. “Yeah.” 

“Thank you for telling me. I will see what can be done. Is that all?” 

_ No, there’s also the bit where my brain doesn’t function properly so I’m shit at essays.  _ She hesitated just a fraction of a second, then said, “Yes, Professor. That’s all. Thanks.” With a smile, she grabbed her bag and ducked out the door. 

~

An early night last night had been a good idea, Kai reflected as she walked into the Great Hall. The Ravenclaw and Gryffindor teams had postponed this game two weeks, kind of for her—well, it was largely for the collective benefit of Ravenclaw and partially Gryffindor, but it had been done to avoid forcing her to play—so she wanted to be at her best. Showing up tired seemed a poor repayment to Will, both for agreeing to change the plans at short notice and for putting up with Damien’s bitching in the subsequent two weeks. Admittedly, the whole team had had to for the first following training, but then Will had said that if Damien wanted to complain, he could do so at a different time. Kai was sure he’d taken every opportunity to bitch to Will privately. Because this was Damien. 

Her friends waved to her from the Gryffindor table, decked out in a bizarre mixture of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw supporters’ gear. James was shovelling down a bowl of porridge. Not massively nervous, then. She waved back to them, but continued on to the Ravenclaw table. 

“Traitor!” yelled James through his mouthful. 

Not turning around, she grinned. As fun as it might be to bandy words with James for half an hour, Will had asked if she’d sit with the rest of the team at the Ravenclaw table. Probably to talk tactics. She saw him now; he’d gotten stuck sitting next to Damien, but when he shuffled over to make space he went towards Damien, not the other way. She grinned as she slid in next to Will. Neither of them exactly wanted to sit next to the thundercloud that was Damien. That would be a compelling reason to sit at the Gryffindor table, actually. 

“You good to go?” said Will, angling slightly away from Damien. 

Kai nodded. “Yeah. I went to bed early, and I’m surprisingly not a zombie this morning.” 

“You slept and now you don’t feel like a zombie,” said Bella from across the table. “How radical.” 

“I know, right?” She laughed. “Who’d’ve thought?” 

Bella smiled. “Glad you’re ok. Not because I care or anything—” she shuddered in mock revulsion “—but because I want to kick Gryffindor’s arses. Excuse my French.” 

Kai didn’t care, though she knew Will wasn’t big on cursing. Not that he exactly cared what the others did. She rolled her eyes. “James has been bragging for about a week about how they’re going to beat us. So I’m quite on board there, Bel, don’t worry.” 

“Potter has no idea what he’s talking about,” interrupted Damien. Kai’s mood instantly dropped; the same emotions were reflected on Will’s and Bella’s faces. “His Chasers aren’t as good as me.” 

James had acquired several new Chasers this year. She hadn’t been paying attention last time Gryffindor played, so she would’ve been inclined to accept someone else’s assessment, except the someone else was Damien. Of course he’d say that he was superior. But asking Will what he thought might just piss Damien off. The time for making Damien angry was  _ after _ the game. Preferably after they’d won. So she reached for a plate of scrambled eggs and piled some onto her plate. 

“You better eat something, too, Damien,” said Will mildly. “And Kai, even if Bella is completely heartless, I actually cared. Just so you know.” He smiled. 

Mouth full of eggs, Kai could only nod. It was nice to know, but also she didn’t mind. It would be totally fair if the decision was largely based on giving them the greatest chances of winning. She swallowed and said, “Will, did you talk about the Porskoff?” 

Will nudged Damien. “Remember to look out for the Gryffindors doing the Porskoff Ploy.” 

“No idea if James took my feedback on board, so they might do it or they might not,” Kai added. 

“You don’t need to tell me how to do my job, kid,” said Damien. 

Kai frowned, and smothered her contemplated curse word with another mouthful of food. She was the same age as Will, and Will was the captain. Not that Damien listened to Will either. Even if he was a good Chaser, she couldn’t wait for him to be gone. 

“You gotta eat too, Will,” said Bella. “Can’t have our captain fainting on the pitch.” 

Damien made a faint snorting noise that, if Kai wasn’t reading too much into it, suggested he wouldn’t mind not being annoyed by Will for a while. Not that Will was annoying. She reached for a piece of toast, and grabbed a second and dumped it in front of Will. “Bella’s right.” 

“Just nervous, I guess,” said Will. “Gryffindor is usually a serious contender for the Cup, and they beat Slytherin last time. I want us to be serious contenders this year.” 

“Really?” Bella said. “You should’ve said.”    
“We’re gonna win,” Kai said. “At least, we’d better, or I’ll have to put up with James’s crowing for a month. Please don’t condemn me to that.” 

Bella let out a short bark of laughter. “Okay, girl. We’ll do our best.” She grinned. “Haven’t had a chance to try a Double Eight Loop, but I think I’ve got that down. See how much I can annoy precious Potter.” 

Kai laughed; unfortunately she’d just taken a sip of orange juice, which she choked on. Will thumped her on the back. Bella laughed, but Kai noticed she only did so once she’d seen Kai stop choking.  _ Not totally heartless, eh, Bel?  _

Will checked his watch. “We’d better get going soon. Once Kai’s breathing.” 

“I’m good,” she said with a laugh, and waved his hand away. “Let’s go.” 

~

“The real question: is Lupin going to do anything?” 

Kai frowned at Sirius. The Gryffindor Seeker had, in fact, been doing much the same as her: scanning the pitch for the Snitch. They’d done so from opposite ends, and hadn’t moved for several goals. 

“And Ravenclaw scores again, bringing the score to 230-180!” 

Kai let out a cheer. It was almost certainly Damien who had scored, but she didn’t care. Damien was pumping a fist in the air, looking pleased with himself. Overly so, in Kai’s opinion. She tore her eyes away from Damien, letting them unfocus just slightly, the better to spot the Snitch. Then, for a slightly better vantage point, she pulled upward. 

Will smacked a Bludger, sending it whistling past James. James rolled to avoid it, and flashed a cheeky grin at Will. One of the other Gryffindor Chasers threw him the Quaffle, and he streaked towards the goal. Bella, concentrating fiercely, eyed him as he approached. Then she moved, whizzing at high speed around all three hoops. James concentrated too as he weaved past Will and drew back his arm, trying to gauge where Bella would be when he released. 

He threw. To Kai’s eye, Bella wasn’t quite close enough, but in her peripheral vision something gold streaked past her face. 

As though miles away, she heard Sirius say, “Bad luck, Potter.” She gathered Bella had caught the Quaffle with the tips of her fingers, but that thought too seemed far away. There it was again, a flash of gold. The Gryffindor Seeker had seen it too, and threw himself flat against his broom. Kai muttered a curse. Her broom wasn’t accelerating quite as fast; still she clung on as tightly as she could, lying low to help the speed. 

She had to pull up hard to avoid crashing headlong into the other Seeker; as she did so, he seemed to realise he’d lost sight of the Snitch. So had she. 

“Both Seekers seem to have lost the Snitch,” commented Sirius. “Better keep seeking.” 

Kai pulled higher. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Aria and Remus waving. She grinned, even though Aria’s blonde hair was the most interesting yellow thing she could see and she wanted to see something else. 

The Gryffindor Seeker had seen something; he was shooting across the pitch, perhaps six feet above the ground. Was it a bluff? Then she saw it too, a little way ahead of him. She took half a second to judge angles, and dived almost straight down. 

Gryffindor were shouting, Sirius had called out a goal or something, but all Kai could hear was the rush of wind in her ears. In a few seconds she would—hopefully—meet with the Snitch. But would she pull up in time? 

Some instinct told her to nudge her stick left. There was no time to question it. She did it, reaching her other hand out in front of her. 

The Snitch smacked into her open palm. She closed her fingers over it and immediately veered right, ducking under the Gryffindor Seeker’s flight path. But she was still too close to the pitch. Too close to pull up in time. She let go of the broom and tucked her head into her arms, hoping she could roll when she hit. 

She blinked up at the grey sky, gasping for air. Will plummeted downwards, landing in a slightly more controlled crash not far from her, and ran towards her. “You okay?” 

She could breathe now. Then she remembered why she’d been diving, and glanced at her hand. The Snitch’s wings fluttered feebly between her fingers. She held it up to Will, grinning. 

“Ravenclaw has caught the Snitch!” shouted Sirius. “Even if the Seeker nearly—even if Lupin has a death wish. Final score 330 to 240.” 

She laughed, though it hurt a little. She didn’t think she’d broken anything, though. Brow knotted in worry, Will offered her a hand to help her to her feet. “Are you hurt?” 

“Nah. Just winded. We won, right?” 

“Yep!” He grinned. “We did.” 

Other players were circling in now. “Nicely timed, Lupin,” said the Gryffindor Seeker. “I’m impressed you pulled that off.” 

“Thanks.” She brushed grass off her robes. 

James arrived next, discarding his broom and wrapping her in a hug. “Damn, Kai. Please don’t kill yourself like that.” 

“I didn’t,” she pointed out, but returned the hug. “I’d think you’re just upset I stole the win from you, but you wouldn’t hug me if you were that annoyed.” 

He pulled back, grinning. “Don’t get me wrong, I feel extremely betrayed. But still—shit. That was a crazy dive.” 

“Couldn’t let you win like that.” 

The rest of the Ravenclaw team were gathering now. “Can’t believe you’re fraternising with the enemy like this, Kai,” said Bella. 

Kai laughed. 

Bella pumped a fist. “That was fucking incredible, girl. Well done.” She held up her hand for a high five. Kai obliged enthusiastically, rocking Bella’s hand backwards. 

“You’re an idiot,” Damien informed her over Bella’s head. “Instead, you should’ve—”

Kai thought about ignoring him, but decided against it. “We won, you idiot. Because I caught the Snitch. Because that worked. So if all you’re going to do is ruin the mood with your judgemental bitching, shut up.” She hoped Madam Hooch wasn’t in earshot. 

After a pause, Will said, “Good thing we postponed that match, hey. If you’re going to play like that, we definitely can’t play without you.” 

“We’d better get going, if you’re sure you’re ok,” said Bella. “I have it on good authority that there’s going to be a party tonight, so I have to go.” She tapped the side of her nose with a wink. 

“Debrief in the changing rooms?” suggested Will. “I won’t keep you too long, Bella.”    
“I better say hi to my friends first,” said Kai. “But I’ll be right there. Promise.” 

“Traitor,” said Bella, turning on her heel in an exaggerated fashion. 

“Can’t win,” Kai said. “Except, oh wait, yes I can, because I won us the game!” 

“Damn right you did!” said Will, throwing an arm around her shoulders. 

“Don’t you mean ‘dang right’?” teased Bella, turning back. 

Kai retrieved her broom from where it had fallen. “Go, guys. I’ll be right there.” Not waiting for confirmation, she turned and headed in the direction of the Gryffindor stands. 

Remus swept Kai into a hug as soon as she reached him. “I know I’m not one to talk, but please don’t do that.” 

“I know James might never forgive me, but I thought you would.” 

“Very funny,” said Aria. “That was insane and you terrified the heck out of me.” 

“I terrified the heck out of  _ you _ ?” Those two seconds between realising she’d hit the pitch and actually hitting the pitch had been some of the most terrifying of her life. Possibly not as scary as losing Remus, but the thrill of adrenaline was still wearing off. The hand that held her broom shook. “I need to go debrief with my team. And sit down, I think. But I’ll see you guys for lunch, okay?” 

“You’re not hurt, are you?” said Remus. 

She shook her head. “I hit hard, and I may have some bruises, but I don’t think I broke anything. Will will probably make me go to Pomfrey anyway.” 

“As well he should,” said Aria with a smile. 

With an answering grin, Kai propped her broom on her shoulder and headed for the changerooms. 

~

The Whomping Willow thrashed its branches, forming a black silhouette against the red evening sky. Something in the grass jabbed through the sole of Kai’s shoe. The group hadn’t spoken in all the time they’d taken to walk from the castle, but now Remus broke the silence. “I’d better go meet Madam Pomfrey.” 

Kai nodded. A flash of the same worry that usually accompanied a full moon goodbye shot through her, but she ignored it. Tonight was different, she reminded herself. “We’ll see you soon.” 

“You will,” agreed Remus softly. 

Kai wondered if he was feeling the same as her. A confused mix of emotions, because they didn’t actually know how this would turn out. Perhaps it wouldn’t really help. She shook her head. No, this would be good. This would be the thing that made full moons more manageable. And if nothing else, they’d be with him. That was the important part. 

A gust of wind blew past, raising goosebumps on Kai’s arms despite her jumper. The sound wasn’t unlike a howl. 

“Go, Moony,” said Sirius quietly, and Kai realised he hadn’t moved. “We’ll be along soon. Don’t worry.” 

With a shaky smile, Remus wrapped his arms around himself and headed down the hill towards the Willow. Madam Pomfrey was currently nowhere to be seen, but at James’s beckoning the other five slipped under a nearby tree, hoping its shadow would conceal them. 

Hopefully Snape would be nowhere to be seen tonight, Kai thought. Not that it would matter in half an hour or so. She took a deep breath. Soon. 

Madam Pomfrey had appeared; as they watched, she poked the knot that froze the Willow. 

James said, “Peter and Aria will fit down there, for sure. How about the rest of us?” 

“Well, yeah, your antlers are bloody massive,” said Sirius, with a slightly strained smile. 

It was a fair question; though they knew how to get to the tunnel, none of them had ever actually been close enough to try it. They’d definitely never been inside. The realisation filled Kai with excitement, but also terror. Remus had never said more than a couple of sentences about what they’d find at the other end. Apart from a werewolf, of course. How soon would they need to transform to be safe? 

“I can push the knot first,” said Peter. “As a rat. And then the rest of you can come and we can see. You can always change back.” 

Kai nodded. “If we have to go down human, maybe someone should go ahead to see what we’re dealing with.” The whole point of the enterprise was  _ not _ to have Remus as Moony encounter them in human form. That could only end badly. 

“Good idea,” said Aria, drawing her jumper more tightly around her. She glanced over her shoulder. “He’s gone. Madam Pomfrey’s just coming back up this way.” 

They waited in silence until Madam Pomfrey’s footsteps faded away and she was nowhere to be seen. 

Freezing the tree once more was relatively simple. Wormtail had little to fear from the swinging branches, thanks to his size, and got to the knot quickly. Kai reached for her wolf form—Shadow, they’d decided to call her—and within seconds was loping across the grass on four paws. Wormtail slipped down the tunnel first, and Cottontail followed. 

“Do you think you’ll fit, Kai?” said Sirius, who hadn’t changed yet. 

She gave her best approximation of a shrug. 

“I think Prongs will fit.” James gestured to himself. “Antlers or no.” 

Sirius nodded. “And if Shadow fits, I’ll be fine. Let’s go.” He changed and wriggled headfirst down the hole. 

Shadow followed; inside the hole she found an earthy slide. Her paws slipped on it and she tumbled uncomfortably to the bottom, then righted herself and looked around. It was dark, but she could make out a tunnel that stretched away into the gloom. There was no sign of Moony. 

There was a distinct noise of distress that could only have been made by a stag. Looking back up the tunnel, Shadow saw Prongs had his head wedged in the tunnel opening, unable to fit his antlers through. She couldn’t laugh as a wolf, but the sight was undeniably comical. Prongs popped back into James, but unfortunately had misjudged his balance. He toppled forward and rolled down the slide Shadow had just fallen down. 

There wouldn’t be space for Prongs here, Shadow realised. The tunnel ahead was too cramped. She slipped back into Kai’s shape to say, “You won’t fit. And I think this tunnel is pretty long. The Shrieking Shack isn’t that close.” 

“So as long as Moony’s already there, we should be okay like this?” said James. 

Kai glanced at her watch, though without Shadow’s eyes she couldn’t see it in the dark. But by her guess, it had been enough time for Remus to get there. She reached for her wand and cast Lumos. “I think so. Let’s go like this, but be careful.” 

Padfoot walked to the edge of the tunnel entrance and stamped a paw, indicating he’d go in front of the group. “Good idea, Padfoot,” said James.    
Wormtail hopped up on Padfoot’s back. Cottontail nudged Kai’s foot, and Kai scooped her up. Maybe next time they could all go in human form. Then she entered the tunnel and immediately took back the thought. She and James had to bend almost double to avoid hitting their heads. Padfoot seemed to fit fairly comfortably, suggesting Shadow would have too, but there was no way Prongs would. And she didn’t want to leave James as the only one human. Just as her back was starting to ache, she glimpsed a light that had nothing to do with the glow at the end of her wand. “ _ Nox _ .” 

A small opening up ahead showed her what could only be the Shrieking Shack. The wallpaper was peeling and dusty, and the one room they could see was cluttered with broken furniture and smashed glass. As they crept further forward, the tunnel opened up once more. She stowed her wand in a pocket and returned to Shadow’s form. Who knew where Moony was? 

The Shack smelled, a scent somewhat like Remus, but something else too. Something not quite the same. The scent of dust filled her nostrils, and then she smelt blood too. She hooked her paws over the opening and climbed through, shaking earth off her fur. The room appeared to be totally deserted. She shuddered. The others climbed through behind her; them, too, she smelt rather than anything else. They smelt like friends. 

The smell of Remus, or rather the smells that came together to make a picture that said  _ brother _ , was growing stronger; she heard a soft scratching of claws on wood, and a snuffling. She took a cautious step forward, towards the centre of the room. A door to the right was open; the sounds and smells came from that direction. Then Moony appeared and Shadow’s stomach flipped over. 

Every scar crossing his fur was familiar. So were the amber eyes. But at the same time it was all so, so wrong. The room tilted and shifted around her. She staggered backwards. 

All at once she realised she wasn’t Shadow anymore, she was Kai, and Moony was growling. Her blood ran cold. Heart pounding, she reached for Shadow, but her breath was coming faster. Somehow she couldn’t find the wolf’s shape. She stumbled and fell to one knee. Her shoulder slammed into a wall. 

Padfoot growled, but he was far away. Moony lunged. Kai ducked her head away. 

Claws raked her arm and burning pain lanced through her shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut, expecting more pain to come. But it didn’t. A dog barked. She opened one eye to see Prongs and Padfoot butting Moony backwards, away from her. Moony yelped as Prongs’s antlers drove into his ribs, and she almost wanted to tell them to stop. But then the pain returned full force and she gasped aloud, raising her other hand unconsciously to the place. The touch stung and her fingers came away wet. Tears pricked her eyelids. She sucked in a shallow breath through her teeth, unwilling to look down. Her only comfort was that she was sure it had been a scratch, not a bite. Small comfort. 

For a second she was four years old again, holding her chest and listening to her father shouting as he forced Greyback out of the house and off the property. The fiery sting of the cuts was the same now, the warmth of the blood on her skin. 

She took a shaky breath and glanced at her shoulder. Blood didn’t usually make her feel faint, but seeing the gashes set them throbbing once more. 

Something nudged her knee. She looked down to see Cottontail and Wormtail. As she watched, Cottontail reverted to Aria. “Moony’s gone. We need to go.” 

Kai shook her head. “I don’t—don’t want to.” Beneath her fingers, her sleeve was wet through with blood. They’d done all this so Remus wouldn’t be alone at full moons, and she wanted to be with him herself, even if Padfoot and Prongs were already there. 

Just Padfoot, she amended. Prongs skidded into the room as James, and tried to catch himself but staggered, off-balance. It would’ve been a comical sight if she could’ve concentrated on anything but the throbbing in her arm. Nonetheless, he picked himself up and ran over. 

“Is—” Aria gestured to the door James had entered through. “Are they gonna be ok?” 

Wormtail darted away. 

“We should probably go,” said James, echoing Aria’s earlier statement. “I don’t think you can stay here, Kai.” He cast a quick  _ Diffindo  _ on his shirt sleeve, severing it neatly, and held it out to her. “Put this on your shoulder. We’ll figure out what to do as we go, but we can’t stay here. I don’t think—I don’t think Padfoot can keep Moony in one place forever. We need to be somewhere else.” 

“I—” Kai began, her lip trembling like a child’s. She clamped her mouth shut. 

James folded the sleeve and held it out once more. “Kai, no. You’re injured and it’s too dangerous.” 

Reluctantly, she took the sleeve. James offered her a hand; after a moment, she took that too, and let him lead her towards the tunnel. 

Navigating the cramped space was even worse this time around. The awkward crouch made her head spin, and she probably would’ve fallen over several times if not for James and Aria holding her up the whole way. By the time they emerged into the moonlight, her shirt was sticking to her sweaty skin and her shoulder burned. Once Aria had frozen the Willow, she collapsed gratefully onto the grass, dropping James’s sleeve by accident, and leant her back against the Willow’s trunk. Her breath came in shallow gasps. 

“Let me see if I can do anything.” Aria reached into her pocket for her wand. “But I don’t really know any spells for cuts this deep.” She touched the rent fabric of Kai’s sleeve, trying to move it aside, but even her light touch made the injury sting, and Kai flinched away. “Sorry. I just—it stings. A lot.” 

“What do we do?” said Aria. 

“We can’t tell Madam Pomfrey.” Kai’s heart raced. When she lifted her good hand, it shook. 

Aria took Kai’s hand in hers. “We can’t. We won’t.” 

She still wanted to go back, but in reality, she was kidding herself if she thought she could do  _ anything _ right now. And what if it happened again? What if—had she imagined that Friday a few weeks ago? No, she tried to tell herself, that made no sense. But what if she couldn’t  _ ever _ hold a transformation around Remus? What would be the point? 

She pressed the sleeve once more to her arm. The pressure made the cuts sting, and spots danced in front of her eyes. Her head felt like it was full of fog. Still, one thought made its way to the front of her mind: so much for spending a full moon with her brother. 


	14. The Room of Requirement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aria and Kai discover a mysterious room, Kai’s injury causes problems for her in DADA, and Remus struggles with what happened in the Shrieking Shack.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get that checked by Madam Pomfrey?” Aria eyed Kai’s cut, which was still seeping blood and pus.

“I’m sure. I just need to get back to the castle.” Kai grunted as she stood up. She was very pale, even in the moonlight, but she looked steady enough on her feet.

“Do you need us to support you? James, get on her other side and help.” Aria moved to wrap an arm around Kai’s waist, but Kai stopped her.

“I can walk, we just have to go slow. And, James, I want you to find Remus and the others. Make sure they’re all okay.”

James bit his lip. “I dunno, Kai, you’re still really injured. I think it’s better if I stay with you.”

“Remus needs you more than I do right now. He’s going to feel terrible when he transforms back and I need you there with him when he does.”

James looked toward Aria for support.

“Go, James,” Aria sighed. “She still has me, we’ll find a place to crash for the night and we’ll figure the rest out tomorrow.”

“Okay.” James still didn’t look comfortable about leaving them. “Raid Slughorn’s potions cupboard if you need to; he often forgets to lock it at night. And there’s that abandoned corridor we used for the Animagi potion. Use some Cushioning Charms and sleep there.”

Aria smiled at his mothering. “Thank you, James. Now please go help Moony.”

James transformed into Prongs and galloped off towards the forest, looking back at the girls at least three times before he was out of sight.

The tall hill to the castle loomed ahead of them. Kai wasted no time in starting up it, but her movements were clumsy and her pace was slow. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t have sent James away,” Aria said after she’d put Kai’s arm around her shoulders. “You could’ve ridden on his back.”

“How humiliating for me. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” 

Aria could feel Kai pulling away from her, so she tightened her hold. “Sorry, but there is no way you’re getting up this hill alone.”

“It’s just my arm,” Kai argued.

“You’ve lost a lot of blood, it’s understandable that you feel weaker than usual,” Aria said as she narrowly avoided a rock that was slippery with frost.

Kai didn’t reply. She likely didn’t have the energy to.

They reached the walls of the castle and slipped through a rarely-used slide door. The hinges were rusty with age, so Aria cast a Silencing Charm on it in case any teachers were nearby. 

Kai’s scratch had finally slowed its bleeding, but she was still pale and shaky, and her makeshift bandage was soaked through. 

“Kai, we have to find something to help with your injury,” Aria said, unable to quell the worry in her voice. She wished they could go to Madam Pomfrey. A werewolf injury was completely out of Aria’s depth.

“Let’s try Slughorn’s office.” Kai sank to the floor. “But I need to rest first.”

“Of course, take your time.” Aria sat down next to her so she wouldn’t feel alone.

“Sorry for ruining everything again,” Kai muttered.

“You didn’t ruin anything. None of this was your fault.” Aria hoped Kai wouldn’t think she was implying that Remus was to blame. No one was really at fault, it was just a horrible accident.

“But if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be sitting here in a dusty corridor.”

“It’s not a terrible corridor,” Aria said, trying to lighten the mood. Kai gave her a half-smile, which she supposed was as good as she was going to get.

“I think I’m ready to keep going.”

Aria helped Kai to her feet. This time, Kai put her arm around Aria without being prompted.

“Which way to the potions cupboard?”

“I think it’s left.”

“Okay.” 

The paintings grumbled loudly when the illuminated tip of Aria’s wand passed them. Kai hadn’t wanted to use Lumos, but this was a less familiar part of the castle and Aria didn’t want them to get lost.

“ _Another_ staircase?” Kai said when Aria had finished apologising to a particularly cantankerous portrait of a fourteenth century monk.

“Sorry.” Aria grimaced. Then she had an idea. “Wait, I think I remember a spell that might work.”

She waved her wand and then handed it to Kai. “Hold this.” 

Kai looked puzzled, but obliged. Then Aria gently lifted her into her arms. 

“I didn’t realise you were this strong.”

“I’m not. I just used a spell that makes you feel weightless.” 

“Oh right, I think I remember Flitwick mentioning that.”

Aria jogged up the staircase, feeling a bit like a comic book superhero rescuing a damsel in distress. Kai probably wouldn’t appreciate being called a damsel, though.

“Okay, I think we just take this side corridor, and—” A meow cut Aria off. She froze and looked for the source of the sound. A cat scampered across the flagstones ahead of them and disappeared around the corner. It was Mrs Norris.

“ _Shit,_ ” Kai hissed. “We’re totally screwed.”

“Not on my watch. Quick, put the light out.”

Kai muttered, “ _Nox_ ,” and the corridor was engulfed in darkness. “Where do we go now?”

“Umm.” Aria dithered, but then heard footsteps and saw the faint glow of a lantern. “Crap, that’s Filch.”

She took off back the way they came and ran up another staircase. Kai winced when her arm was jolted, but Aria didn’t have time to apologise. She wove through side passages until she was sure Filch was long gone.

“Do you know where we are?” Kai whispered. 

“No,” Aria replied honestly. “Well, I might if I had a light.”

“I’m pretty sure we lost Filch. Lumos.” The wand lit up and Aria scanned the classroom they were in.

“Okay, we’re definitely lost.” Aria said.

“Do you remember anything about the way we came?”

“No, I was too busy trying to get as far away from Filch as possible.”

“Wait.” Kai quickly put the light out. “Do you hear that?”

Aria strained her ears. In the distance, she could hear someone saying, “I think they went this way, my sweet. You know what happens to children out of bed? They get punished.”

“Crap,” she said at the same time as Kai said, “Shit.”

“There was another door over there. Let’s go through it,” Kai whispered.

Aria did her best to avoid bumping into the desks as she made her way to the other door. After some fumbling in which she almost dropped Kai, it opened.

She ran down the corridor, her lungs burning. _Please find somewhere good to hide,_ she thought desperately as they passed a large tapestry.

A grating sound coming from the opposite wall stopped her in her tracks.

“What is that?” Aria hissed at Kai.

“It looks like a door.”

Aria moved closer until she could make out the silhouette of a large door. “Should we go through it?”

“Might as well try it. We can’t stay here.”

After setting Kai down, Aria tugged on the handle and the door thankfully opened. 

The room was small and windowless, with a single bed in the centre. There was a lamp on the table by the bed providing light, and the bed looked warm and comfortable.

“Why don’t you rest here, and I’ll see what I can get from the potions cupboard,” Aria said. There weren’t any personal items in the room, which hopefully meant that no one would be coming back to it tonight.

“I wish I could remember what they used on me last time,” Kai lamented.

“And Greyhame didn’t bother to tell us how to treat werewolf injuries in our werewolf unit. Trust her not to teach us any of the useful stuff.”

Two bottles and a book suddenly appeared on the bedside table.

“What just happened? Was that you, Kai?”

“What? I didn’t do anything.”

“The bottles.” Aria grabbed them and held them up. “Look, this one’s essence of dittany, and this one’s powdered silver.”

“That wasn’t me.” Kai’s eyes widened. “But powdered silver does ring a bell. Is that a book there too?”

“Yes.” The book was already open to a specific page; the heading read ‘Treating Werewolf Injuries’. “Kai…” Aria closed her eyes and imagined a cauldron. When she opened them, one was set up on the ground, a flame already lit beneath it. “I think it’s the room.”

“Lemme try.” Kai closed her eyes and a proper tourniquet appeared. “Woah, this might just be the coolest room in Hogwarts.”

“We can try things out later, for now I have to make this remedy for your scratch.” Aria sat down in front of the cauldron with her ingredients and got to work.

“Sorry in advance, but this is probably going to sting a lot.”

“Do it. I can handle it.”

Aria dabbed the mixture of silver and dittany onto Kai’s scratches and all of Kai’s muscles tensed up. Her eyes rolled back and Aria was afraid she was going to pass out.

“I’m so sorry. We’re almost done, just a bit longer.” She stopped dabbing and tied the tourniquet around Kai’s arm. She pulled it taut and Kai groaned. 

“We’re all done. Would you like me to put it in a sling?”

“If you think it would help,” Kai said in a tight voice.

Aria answered by tying the sling around Kai’s shoulder and plumping up her pillows. “You need to sleep now, you’ve lost a lot of blood.” As she spoke, another bottle appeared on the table. The label told Aria it was a Blood Replacement potion. “Perfect. Okay, drink this before you sleep.”

Kai drank some and made a face. “That’s foul.” A glass of water appeared and she smiled. “I really like this room, Aria.”

“I’m glad.” Aria yawned. Now that the adrenaline was fading, her exhaustion was catching up to her. The room must’ve known how she was feeling, because another bed appeared beside Kai’s. She kicked off her shoes and crawled under the covers, too tired to ask the room for pyjamas.

~

The first rays of dawn had just touched the Forbidden Forest when Moony collapsed.

Padfoot saw it happen and bounded to his side. They’d lost the others some distance back, but Padfoot had thought it more important to stay with Moony and make sure no harm came to him or any other creature in the forest.

Moony’s werewolf body was contorted, bones and muscles popping out at harsh angles. He let out a long, tortured howl, and Padfoot could only watch helplessly as his anatomy changed. His snout receded and his claws retracted until he was Remus Lupin again, naked and shivering on a patch of dew-damp grass.

Padfoot turned away and slipped into his human form now that it was safe to do so. He took off the robe he was wearing and draped it over Remus.

“Remus? You alright?” Sirius whispered as he crouched down beside him.

Remus growled suddenly and twisted so he was facing Sirius. When they made eye contact, Remus whimpered and broke down into heavy sobs that wracked his thin frame.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe now, you’re okay,” Sirius murmured in what he hoped was a soothing tone. He wanted to pull him into a hug, but he wasn’t sure if Remus wanted to be touched right now. 

“K-Kai,” Remus choked out, pulling Sirius’s robe tighter around him. “I remember—I remember it all.”

“Kai’s going to be okay. She’s with Aria.” Truth be told, Sirius wasn’t fully sure she would be, but her being with Aria was a positive sign.

“How can you look at me after that?” Remus said, turning his face away from Sirius.

“What do you mean?”

“Kai was right, I am a monster. What more proof do you need?”

“Remus, look at me.” Sirius waited until Remus reluctantly turned back. “You are not a monster. You never were. And nothing’s changed. Back there? That wasn’t you.”

“It was me.”

“I know it must feel that way. I know you must be hating yourself right now. But that _wasn’t_ you. You would never hurt Kai, or any of your friends. You’re _good,_ Remus, you just have a—a problem.”

“That doesn’t change what happened. Kai’s still injured because of me.” As Remus spoke, his voice shook and Sirius knew he must be freezing cold.

“Kai will be okay. You on the other hand need to get inside where it’s warm. Can you walk?”

“Yes. I don’t think I have any fresh injuries.” Remus rubbed his hands along his arms like he was feeling for new scars.

“You were fine once I got you out into the forest. You terrified an owl, but apart from that you were fine. I think you were enjoying the freedom.”

Remus gave him a tight nod. He hated talking about himself as a werewolf, so Sirius had only a vague understanding of what he normally endured.

“I know tonight didn’t go as planned, but next time will be better. We’ll be more careful.”

“Next time?” Remus grabbed hold of Sirius’s arm. “Don’t tell me you’re planning on trying this again. It’s too dangerous, Sirius. I can’t let you put yourselves in more danger.”

“And we’re not going to let you put yourself in danger by not being here for you.” Sirius took Remus’s hand off his arm, but instead of letting it go, he held it gently. His skin was cold to the touch. “You remember what it was like with us in the forest, don’t you? You weren’t hurting anyone there. We’ll do everything we can to stop Moony from hurting anyone again.” He made sure to say Moony to remind Remus that it wasn’t really him.

“You can’t promise that,” Remus said quietly. He was still shivering, and there were fresh tears painting his cheeks. 

“C’mere,” Sirius said, tugging on Remus’s hand. He’d run out of words to say.

Remus went willingly, and bunched his fists into the back of Sirius’s jumper. He had to stoop to press his head into Sirius’s shoulder, but to Sirius, he’d never seemed smaller.

“We should find the others and head back to the Willow,” Sirius said into Remus’s curls. He didn’t want to let go until he was sure that Remus was okay, but their friends had been gone for some time now, and Madam Pomfrey would be coming to find Remus shortly.

“I don’t think I want to go back. I don’t know if I’ll be able to face Kai.”

“You will. She’s your sister, she’ll always love you, no matter what.” Sirius squeezed Remus’s body once more before letting go.

“I don’t think I deserve her love.”

“Remus—” Sirius dragged a hand through his tangled hair “—you deserve so much more than what life has given you. But you’ll always deserve Kai’s love.” He hesitated. “As well as the rest of ours.”

Sirius wasn’t sure why he’d hesitated. It was normal for close friends to tell each other that they loved them, but the word brought a strange feeling to his stomach.

He couldn’t dwell on it any longer; Remus had begun to trudge back towards the castle, and Sirius wouldn’t let him go alone. There was also the small business of recovering a lost deer and rat.

~

Aria awoke to a shrill ringing noise. She flung an arm out to find the source of the sound, almost hitting Kai in the process. It was only when she got out of bed to have a proper look that the noise stopped. _You couldn’t have picked a less ear-piercing sound could you, room?_ she thought. A headache wasn’t an ideal way to start the day, particularly after only snagging a few hours’ sleep last night, but her main priority was Kai.

“Wha’ time’s it?” Kai said, her voice muffled by her pillow.

Aria checked her wristwatch. “7am. Guess the room knew when to wake us up.” She sat down on the edge of Kai’s bed. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Better? Yes.” Kai clenched her teeth as she sat up, but no blood had soaked through the tourniquet. “Amazing? No. It’s still pretty sore.”

“I think I’ll put some more of that mixture on it before we go to the hospital wing.” Aria started to unwrap Kai’s sling. 

“We’re going to the hospital wing?”

Aria bit her lip. “I mean we don’t have to. I dunno, I just assumed you would want to see Remus like you normally do after full moons. But if you want to go straight to breakfast, we can do that.”

“No, I want to.” She hissed as Aria applied the mixture to her wound, but the pain didn’t seem as bad this time. “I want him to know that he shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“Good luck with that.” Aria tied a fresh bandage the room had supplied around Kai’s arm. A few extra bottles of dittany had also appeared, which she pocketed. “Coming to see him is a good first step though.”

“Ugh, this has been such a setback,” Kai bemoaned. “This was meant to make him feel better, but it did the opposite.”

“It was a bit of a setback, but it’s not one we can’t overcome. There’ll be another opportunity for things to go better.” Aria picked up a hairbrush from the table and used it to brush Kai’s hair for her.

“I really hope I can get through to him. I hope he’ll actually believe me when I say it’s not his fault.”

“I hope so too.” Aria wove strands of Kai’s dark hair into a braid. “I wonder if the room can give us any clothes that aren’t blood soaked or torn.”

Two sets of clean uniforms appeared on Aria’s vacant bed. One had a Ravenclaw crest and tie and the other, a Hufflepuff.

“I think we really need to remember where this room is,” Aria said.

“The door just appeared out of nowhere, how do we know it won’t disappear again?”

“All we can do is hope for the best.”

Aria held the door open an inch after she and Kai had exited the room, afraid it would refuse to open again once she closed it. It was ridiculous; she couldn’t stand here all day. Reluctantly, she let go of the handle. The door closed and immediately melted into the stone wall until it was gone. Aria deflated. _So much for that._ Kai must’ve noticed her disappointment.“Maybe it’ll appear again,” she said.

“How? I don’t even know how it appeared last time.”

“Maybe it appears at certain times? Or maybe you have to be thinking of the right thing?” Kai tapped at the wall with her good arm. “What was I thinking last night?” Aria remembered running down this corridor to get away from Filch. “I think I was thinking about wanting somewhere to hide.”

“Well next time you need somewhere to hide, come find this corridor. It shouldn’t be hard to miss.” Kai nodded at the large tapestry on the opposite wall. It depicted the humorous scene of trolls being taught ballet (and failing spectacularly).

“I don’t think I’ll forget that tapestry in a hurry,” Aria agreed, watching one troll attempt a pirouette and knock over half the other trolls.

Remus Lupin was currently the Hospital Wing’s sole occupant. There had been a small bout of the flu last week, but Madam Pomfrey had dealt with it efficiently and all the patients had recovered.

Aria was relieved to see that Remus had suffered no apparent injuries, aside from his usual post-moon fatigue. He was sitting up in bed, chatting to Sirius, James and Peter and munching on a slice of toast.

Aria let Kai walk ahead of her. She was trying hard to walk normally, but her left arm hung stiffly by her side. The bandages weren‘t visible beneath the billowing sleeves of her robes, but Aria wasn’t convinced she could fool everyone. It was her wand arm after all.

“Hey guys,” Kai said with a strained smile.

“Hey, you two. Good to see you’re looking well, Kai,” James said. His tone was light, but the relief he was feeling seeped through. Remus didn’t reply, but his eyes were glued to Kai’s arm.

“I think I patched her up well enough,” Aria said. She wasn’t trying to brag, she just wanted to reassure Remus that Kai would be fine. And Kai _would_ be fine, if her progress over the last twelve hours was anything to go by.

“Where were you two last night? Did you make it back to your dorms?” Peter asked.

“So that’s an interesting story. We were—” Aria cut herself off when she heard Madam Pomfrey’s voice ring out across the room.

“It’s good to see how well you’re doing this morning, Remus.” She bustled over, and James and Sirius parted to let her through. “How are you feeling? Would you like to attend your morning classes today?”

“I think so,” Remus said.

Pomfrey waved her wand over Remus and gave him a satisfied nod. “That must have been a rather good transformation, as far as these things go.”

“Thanks?” Her assumptions were clearly paining Remus, but Pomfrey didn’t press him for details. She wasn’t one to pry into students' personal affairs beyond what was needed to fix them up.

“And Kai, would you like me to see to your arm?”

“My what?” Kai said, her eyes wide. Aria shared in her surprise. _Remus wouldn’t have told Pomfrey, right?_

“Your left arm. It looks like it’s quite sore. Shall I have a quick look at it before you head off to breakfast?”

“I’ll be fine,” Kai said, a tad too loud. “It’s just a Quidditch injury, no big deal.”

“Quidditch? The last match was over two weeks ago, has it been like this since then?” Pomfrey started to look very concerned.

“No, um, it was actually from training. I, ah, strained it. It’s nothing really.”

Aria averted her eyes; this was hard to watch.

“Hm.” Pomfrey raised an eyebrow. “If you’re sure. Well then, you’d better go now, or there won’t be any breakfast left.”

“Actually, Madam Pomfrey, I was hoping for a couple of minutes to speak with Remus, if that’s okay,” Kai said with a sideways glance at her brother.

“Plenty of time for that over lunch.”

Kai deflated, but didn’t argue. The Marauders said their goodbyes to Remus. As they left the Hospital Wing, Aria did her best to shield Kai’s arm from Pomfrey’s watchful gaze so she couldn’t see her struggling to move it.

~

For once, Kai was happy to take out her Defence textbook. Reading (or pretending to read) was something she could do without aggravating her left arm. She just needed to hide her injury for one day, and then she’d be travelling home for Christmas.

“Put away your textbooks, students, you won’t be needing them today,” Greyhame told the class.

Kai closed her book with a glower and attempted to shove it in her bag with one hand. They’d been doing tedious theory work for over a week, and Greyhame had to pick this lesson for a practical?

“Take out your wands. Today you will be defending yourselves from Pogrebins.” Greyhame reached beneath her desk and took out a large cage containing five or six creatures. They were stone grey, with hairy bodies and bald heads in the shape of rocks.

“I expect you all to have read the relevant chapter for homework and thus know what to do,” Greyhame said, her eyes darting around the room in case anyone dared to ask for help.

Kai had not read the chapter. She’d had more important things on her mind this week, and had been relying on Greyhame going through the content orally in this class. She pressed her lips together, hoping it wouldn’t be too hard to copy what the other students did.

“Did you get a chance to read the chapter?” Aria whispered.

“No talking in my class, Parker,” Greyhame barked. Her raised voice upset the Pogrebins, and they kicked up a fuss, kicking and banging on the walls of the cage. Greyhame gave the cage a sharp tap, which startled them back into submission. Watching them cower away from her made Kai feel uneasy, and she wondered for how long they’d been stuck in the cage with no one by Greyhame for company. It was an unfortunate situation, even for supposedly dark creatures.

Aria started to slide some notes over to Kai’s side of the desk, but Kai shook her head and slid them back. She didn’t have the time or patience right now for reading notes.

“Harris, you first.” Greyhame pointed at Aria’s sort-of-ex, Aiden. He stood up from his desk, wand in hand. From what Kai had observed in previous classes, he was decent at Defence; not spectacular, but not hopeless.

Greyhame pointed her wand at the cage and unlocked it. She picked up a Pogrebin by the scruff of its neck and dropped it on the ground. Aiden stood still, his face turned away from the Pogrebin. The creature ran into Aiden’s shadow and crept closer to the back of his ankles. 

When it was about a foot away, Aiden turned around. The Pogrebin stopped in its tracks and crouched down quickly, its bald head giving it the appearance of a rock in a patch of grass. Aiden waved his wand and cast, ‘Stupefy’. Red light shot out of his wand and hit the Pogrebin. It keeled over backwards, awarding Aiden a nod from Greyhame.

“That’s it?” Kai whispered to Aria while their teacher was distracted.

“Well, the timing is really important. They’re very fast, so if it’s too far away it will dodge your spell. And if it gets too close it will attack you, and trust me you don’t want that.”

Kai pointedly stared at her shoulder, and then back at Aria. “I think I can confirm that being attacked sucks.”

Aria looked sheepish. “Sorry about that. But these things aren’t very big. If it gets too close you could try kicking it.”

“Lupin! Since you insist on talking when I expressly forbade it, you can go next.”

Kai groaned. Aria had done most of the talking, but Greyhame wasn’t known for being fair. She must’ve had a hunch that Kai was underprepared. Kai picked up her wand with her right hand, but that felt too wrong, so she switched it over to her left. Her elbow could still bend, and she supposed that would have to do.

As she made her way to the front, she saw the door open a crack, and a familiar tabby cat slip through and hide under a cupboard.

Kai had half a mind to shoo it away, but something about the markings around its eyes made her think twice. _Could it be..?_

Greyhame, oblivious to the new visitor, stuffed the stunned Pogrebin back into the cage and revived it with a quick ‘Rennervate’. She pulled out another one for Kai to practice on and placed it on the floor.

Kai turned away from the Pogrebin and felt her skin prickle with anxiety. She really didn’t want to be attacked again by anything with teeth or claws.

After waiting a few seconds, she spun around and tried to lift her wand. Her shoulder seized up painfully and her wand slipped out of her hand. The Pogrebin was advancing on her, its teeth bared, so Kai lashed out with her foot and kicked it across the room. Laughter broke out among her classmates, but Kai was just glad it couldn’t hurt her.

Greyhame, however, was not amused. She narrowed her eyes at Kai. “That was _not_ the correct defensive method to use, Lupin. Five points from Ravenclaw.”

Kai’s stomach sank, and several students made sounds of protest. She didn’t want to make things worse for her house by arguing, so she held her tongue and bent down to pick up her wand.

“But, Professor, it was an effective method, wasn’t it?” That was Will. Kai flashed him a smile, grateful for his support.

“That will be another five points, Everett. Anyone else have any smart comments they’d like to share?”

The class was silent. Kai returned to her seat, deflated. Aria gave her good arm a comforting squeeze.

“Because Lupin couldn’t manage the correct way of ridding yourself of Pogrebins, I want an essay from all of you on how it’s properly done, along with information on the history and habitat of them. Three feet of parchment minimum and due on our first lesson back.”

Kai groaned internally. So much for enjoying her Christmas break.

“Now let’s get back to the practical, this time with the _proper_ technique. Quincey, you’re next.”

~

Kai’s head was resting face-down on the table, the cauldron placed at a strategic angle to conceal her from Slughorn’s view.

“Kai?” Aria said. “We’re meant to be taking out our Potions book.”

“Don’t want to.”

Aria sighed, but forged on. “I know Defence was rough, but look on the bright side, Slughorn said we can do something fun for our last lesson.”

“There’s nothing fun about potions.”

“C’mon, he said we can choose a potion to make and I need you to back me up.” He’d written the options on the board, but there was only one there that Aria considered ‘fun’.

Kai pushed herself upright. “What potion do you want it to be?”

“I want to make a Laughing Potion. I think we both could do with a decent laugh.”

“Isn’t that a hard potion to make?”

“I’ll do most of the work,” Aria said. She didn’t mind, if she could make an Animagus Potion, she could handle this. 

“Alright.” Kai stuck up her hand when Slughorn called out ‘Laughing Potion’, as did most of the class.

“Laughing Potion it is. I’ll put the instructions on the board.” Slughorn waved his wand and a piece of chalk started to write a list of ingredients.

“Yes!” Aria rubbed her hands together. “Let’s do this.”

“Remember the prank we played on Slughorn early in the term?” Kai’s eyes followed the chalk as it floated across the board.

“I remember. What about it?”

“Nothing really.” She looked back at Aria with glassy eyes and it was clear she’d been thinking about more than the prank. “Where do we start?”

“Add the quills now,” Aria instructed as she stirred the potion slowly and carefully. 

“How many was it?”

“Three. Make sure it’s exactly three.”

Kai dropped the knarl quills in. “When are we supposed to giggle?”

“Not yet. Turn up the heat, then giggle.”

As the potion started to bubble, Aria sped up her stirring until her arm started to tire. “Now it’s time to giggle.”

“He he,” Kai attempted.

“That’s not a real giggle, Kai.”

“I’m doing my best, it’s hard to giggle when nothing’s actually funny.”

Aria started giggling herself at how ridiculous this potion was. “How does the potion even know the difference between a giggle and a snigger?”

“Beats me,” Kai said, giggling properly now. “Let’s hope it’s not too fussy.”

“Alright, now we have to turn the heat back down and shave our puffskein.”

Kai gasped. “We have to _shave_ it?”

“That’s what the instructions say,” Aria said, checking the board again. “It’s how you add the hair.”

“I’ve never seen a shaved puffskein before.” Kai was struggling not to laugh.

“No laughing yet, save that for after we’ve added the hair.”

“I’ll try,” Kai said in a strangled voice. “But trying not to laugh just makes me want to laugh more.”

“Then shave the poor thing quickly before you do!”

“I can’t shave it because of, you know.” Kai jerked her head at her left shoulder.

“Okay, you stir, I’ll shave.”

They had no issue completing the remaining steps. The novelty of a shaved puffskein was enough for them to ‘laugh loudly and uncontrollably’ (as the instructions specifically stated) at the potion. 

“It says the potion is meant to be a pale orange colour.” Aria looked down at their cauldron. “It looks pale orange to me.”

“Doesn’t smell too bad either.” Kai gave the potion a sniff. “I hope we did it right. Slughorn said a badly made potion can cause hysterical mania. I don’t need James to see me like that.”

“Students!” Slughorn got everyone’s attention. He coughed on the fumes his cauldron was expelling and let out a hearty laugh. “If you’ve finished your potion, you may try a small amount. Not too much, just a mouthful.”

“You want to go first?” Aria asked Kai.

Kai shrugged with her right shoulder and filled a small phial with their potion. She drank some of it and immediately started to giggle.

“I guess that means it worked.” Aria hurried to try some herself. The potion tasted a bit like bubblegum, and turned fizzy on her tongue. The urge to laugh quickly built up inside her like a volcano waiting to erupt. She opened her mouth and let it out, her chest heaving with each wave of laughter.

“This—” Kai snorted “— is so weird.” She paused to throw back her head and laugh harder. “I’m literally laughing at nothing.”

“I know,” Aria got out before laughter overtook her again.

“Hey Aria—ha ha—what do—what do you get when—” Kai broke off to laugh and wipe away tears of mirth. “When you cross a walrus with a—a moustache?

“What?”

“Professor Slughorn.”

Aria clutched her aching stomach as she laughed. “That was a good one.”

“It seems that someone made their potion a little _too_ well,” a voice behind them said.

Aria turned around to find Slughorn, his lips twitching under his large moustache. She dissolved into laughter once more.


	15. A Christmas Present for Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Remus talk properly about full moon, and Kai finally tells her mother about her dyslexia. Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, James, Sirius and Peter play a prank on Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the update delay! here's another chapter and if you're a reader (like us) who likes it when people just TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS DAMMIT then this chapter is for you :D (you're welcome)

“You’re doing that thing again.” She nudged Remus with her foot. 

He didn’t look up when he said, “What thing?” 

“That thing where you think you’ve hurt me so you give yourself the cold shoulder on my behalf.” They’d been on the train for several hours already, but Remus had hardly spoken to her, even when she addressed him directly. He sat curled up on the seat, his knees curled up to his chest. 

“I  _ did _ hurt you, Kai.” He pressed his lips together and picked at a loose thread from the seam of his trousers. “I did hurt you.” 

“That wasn’t you.” 

“Well, who was it then?” The look in his eyes had gone from hurt to… almost angry. “Whose fault is it? It wasn’t yours.” 

Kai hesitated. “It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t dropped my transformation.” She glanced at Aria, who’d fallen asleep half an hour ago. Hopefully she stayed asleep. 

“You dropped your transformation because you encountered a fucking werewolf. No-one blames you.” 

“It still wasn’t your fault. It’s not like someone else did it and ran away.” 

“It kind of is.” 

He shot her a look that indicated he thought she was talking total rubbish. 

She pressed on anyway. “I don’t blame you, and I don’t want you to blame yourself. It was a stupid accident, that’s all. It’ll be better next time, I know it will.” 

“You too?” he burst out. “Sirius talked about next time too.” 

“It was a group plan, you know.” 

“Yes, but Sirius is an idiot. I guess I hoped you’d be more sensible.” 

“Have you not met me? I’m an idiot too. And I love you.” 

“You can’t seriously be suggesting running around in the middle of the night,  _ again _ , with a werewolf that  _ already _ attacked you. Are you out of your mind?” 

Aria was still sleeping. Good. “Maybe a little bit. But I don’t care. It’s going to be alright.” 

Remus still looked skeptical. Still on the edge of angry. It made her feel almost sick. 

“No, listen,” she said. “Remember, how back in November, when we…” The word  _ fought _ stuck in her throat. 

“Fought,” he supplied, his tone listless. 

She paused a moment. The rhythmic sound of the train’s wheels filled the carriage. “You asked me if I really wanted to understand what this was like for you—” 

“If you’re going to say you do, I call bullshit. Especially now.” 

She took a deep breath. “I was going to say that even if I don’t, not really, this is the next best thing. I can be there for you. I can at least see what it’s like, even if I can’t feel it.” 

“How’d that work out for you?” He snorted. “You got to see just how much of a monster I am.” 

Her shoulder twinged, but she ignored it. “Are you listening to me? You’re not a monster. I don’t think you’re a monster. You’re not yourself at full moon, but you’re not a monster.” 

“Did you forget what happened on Thursday?” 

Truth be told, she might never forget it. “ _ You _ —” she poked him again “—would never hurt me. Never. And that’s how I know you weren’t yourself. You didn’t choose to do it.” 

“Yeah, it’s just in my nature.” 

“Why the fuck are you so determined to make this your fault? It sounds like you  _ want _ it to be.” 

“Because it is?” 

“No. It’s not.” She rubbed her face. “It’s not your fault and you’re only going to hurt yourself by saying it is. Ten years and you never did anything like this. You’ve always been the best brother I could ask for. This is one time.” 

“You never gave me the opportunity at full moons. Maybe I would’ve.” 

Moony would have. But that wasn’t the point. “So I’m the problem variable here. Not you.” She didn’t really think it was her fault, either. But better than the two of them blaming him. 

“Still—” 

“It was an accident, okay? It was a bloody accident. We don’t have to worry about whose fault it was, because it was no-one’s, we just have to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” 

“Yeah, by you guys staying away from me.” 

“Or by me holding my transformation. The others are totally fine, and Sirius was with you the whole time. You didn’t hurt him, not while he was a dog.” 

Remus chewed on his lip. “I mean… no. I just—I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to let anything like that happen to you.” 

“I don’t want me to get hurt either,” she said, venturing a grin. “Next time, maybe I’ll stay well back ‘til I’m sure I can hold it.” 

“There’s still a lot that could go wrong.” 

“That basically describes our lives. There’s always stuff that can go wrong. Remember that firework that blew up and landed James in the hospital wing for two days? Hogwarts and safety do not exactly go hand in hand.” 

He snorted. 

She went on, “Forget about me, just for a sec. What was it like for you? Better?” She’d noticed, and confirmed with Sirius, that Remus had come out of this full moon with no new bite or scratch marks. Possibly for the first time ever. 

He took a deep breath. “I think it was. I didn’t feel quite so—so wolfy. After you left, anyway. It wasn’t like I still had my human mind, but it was different.” 

She smiled. “That’s why we’re doing it, you know.” 

“I know. But I don’t want to be the reason you get in trouble, or injured.” 

“I’m quite happy to call it my own fault, if it’d make you feel better. Because you’re right, it’s risky. But we’re choosing to take that risk. We chose it when we started this, and we chose it last night.” 

He nodded slowly. “Look. If I can’t stop you, I want you to at least promise me this. Promise me that if it is scary or too hard for you, or anything, that you’ll say so. Don’t stick around for me if that’s all that’s keeping you there. Okay?” She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued, “Don’t tell me you weren’t scared. I remember what your Boggart is. And I can’t help but think it reminds you of Greyback, too.” 

“Yes,” she said, her voice tiny. “It does.”

“So, will you promise you’ll look after yourself too? I get that the point was to help me, but it can’t be  _ all _ about me.” 

She hoped one day she wouldn’t have to even consider that option. Maybe with time it wouldn’t scare her anymore. And she hoped that she wouldn’t have to take that out in the coming months. But she was glad they were on the same page now. “I will. I promise.” 

He smiled, and shifted his gaze out the window. 

A few minutes later, he turned back to face her. “When are you going to talk to McGonagall about your essays?” 

“What?” Her heart skipped a beat. “I talked to her about the fact I was doing yours. What do you mean?” 

“No, I mean your… er, problem. With reading and writing.” 

“Did Aria tell you about that?” She sat up a little straighter. 

He shrugged. “It came up briefly in conversation, but also I saw the heading on the chapter you were reading the other day, and I read a bit over your shoulder.” 

“Dyslexia.” Though she was relieved to know she wasn’t alone, the word still left a slight sour taste in her mouth. 

“You know I’ve always known about this, same as you. It’s not like it was a secret from me.” 

That was true. She’d been seven or eight when she’d noticed that Remus didn’t seem to struggle with reading the way she did. She’d mentioned it and they’d talked about it a bit. They’d just never had a word for it. Until… nearly a month ago, now. Until Aria had told her. 

“So,” he continued, “when are you going to talk to McGonagall? Because she talked to me about the whole full moon essay problem, and mentioned you said you’d stayed up late, but she said nothing about dyslexia. Which makes me think you haven’t told her.” 

“The only information on it in the Hogwarts library is in one chapter of one book. It’s not exactly well-known and I don’t want to have to try and explain something I barely understand myself.” 

“There’s no-one more qualified than you to explain it, if you look at it another way.  _ I _ couldn’t explain it, because I have both a limited understanding of how it works  _ and _ no experience.” 

She wrapped her arms around herself. “How do I know she’ll get it? How do I know that she can do anything to help me? I was planning to try and research some spells that might work. That might be enough.” 

“In the nicest possible way, you’re fifteen. McGonagall and the other teachers may not necessarily know much about dyslexia, but they know about spells. And there’s a chance they can make arrangements for the OWLs that won’t get you suspected of cheating.” 

She grimaced. “Forgot about that.” 

“And if nothing else, they might cut you some slack. Alright, maybe Greyhame won’t, but she doesn’t cut  _ anyone _ slack, so you’re not special.” 

She laughed. The notion of not being special or different was kind of a nice one. 

“It can’t hurt you to talk to McGonagall,” he said. “She’ll want to help you, I’m sure. And she’s never been one for unnecessary special treatment. She’s never babied me or anything.” 

“Is she going to extend stuff for you around the full moon? What did you two talk about?” She sat up and settled both feet on the floor. 

“If I ask for it, then yes. She made that quite clear.” He smiled. “And she said she’d talk to the other teachers. So no more doing my work for me, okay?” 

She smiled too, seeing his eyes light up. “Okay.” 

“My point is, she’d only treat you differently where you actually need it. Talk to her after the holidays. I’m serious.” 

“No, you’re Remus. Sirius is still at Hogwarts,” she said, but her heart wasn’t quite in the joke. 

He grinned. 

“I’m gonna talk to Mum first.” The carriage was surprisingly cold. She pulled her jumper tighter around her. 

He nodded. “Okay. You cold?” 

She was about to answer when a shiver ran through her. “Yes. Apparently.” 

“Someone left the window open.” He stood to close it. 

“What idiot did that?” 

“There’s only one self-professed idiot here…”    
“It wasn’t me!” 

He just grinned and sat down beside her, squishing her up against the corner of the carriage, then put an arm around her. “Better?” 

She leant her head on his shoulder. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

~

The wind pulled Kai’s ponytail out behind her like a flag. Its fierceness made her eyes water, but she didn’t totally mind. The beach was one of her favourite places to be, even in December. She tucked her hands deeper into her pockets and quickened her pace a fraction. Her shoes sank a little into the wet sand with each step. 

“We don’t all have your long legs, dear,” said Hope from behind her, but there was a smile in her tone. 

“Sorry, mum.” She slowed down to let Hope catch up. 

“You’ve been rather quiet these past couple of days. Something bothering you?” 

The last term had been bloody exhausting, which didn’t help. And both her parents had been—rightly—concerned about Remus, so Kai had been content to stay out of the way a little. She was perfectly happy to draw on her own while the other three talked. That was, in fact, the reason they’d come home for Christmas at all. Normally they stayed to keep Sirius company. 

That wasn’t to say that her parents had been neglecting her. This walk, for instance, had been Hope’s suggestion. Kai took a deep breath. “Have you ever heard of dyslexia?” 

“A little. Why?” 

She told the whole story, even the bits she thought her mother might already know, what Aria had told her and what she’d tried to read for herself. Hope said nothing while she talked; when she finished, there was only the thin howl of the wind. “And I don’t know what to do,” she said. “Remus thinks I should talk to McGonagall, but I don’t—I don’t know.” 

“This is the head of Gryffindor, yes? Your, what is it, transformation teacher?” 

Kai nodded. “Transfiguration, yeah. I know I’m not in Gryffindor, but she’s always been great, and she already knows—” She remembered her mother did  _ not _ know about the mess that had been her sleep schedule for the last few months, and clamped her mouth shut. That was a story for another time. “If I talked to anyone, it’d be her, but I’m just not sure.” 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t think many wizards even know what this is, and I don’t want to be different.” She’d seen too many times the weird looks Remus got from people who saw his scars, wizards and Muggles alike. They looked at him like he was strange, wrong, other. As a child she’d effectively been on the receiving end of such looks too, because he’d never left the house without her. “I don’t want them to look at me like I’m stupid because I can’t write essays and I’ll never be able to, not the way other people can.” 

“I’m sure they’ll just want to help you. And no-one but your teachers and your friends would have to know,” Hope said. 

“What if they don’t get it? The teachers, I mean. McGonagall.” 

“You’re right, you may have to explain it. But if McGonagall cares like you say she does, then she can research. I’m sure she has the capacity.” 

Kai let out a tight laugh. “I’m sure she does.” But she hadn’t gotten to the crux of the matter. “What if—I’m a Ravenclaw, mum. The smart house. What if they kick me out or something?” 

Hope stopped short. Kai heard it in her footsteps, and stopped as well. Hope said, “You are smart, Kai. Smart isn’t just about school.” 

“Yeah, but my exams are.” 

“You’re that kind of smart too. Essays aren’t the only marker of cleverness.” 

“Again, exams.” 

“Well, how can you make that better? You need them to accommodate you somehow, right? But you can’t make that happen on your own.” 

Kai sighed. “Okay, I get the point. I need to talk to a teacher.” 

“I think you knew that,” said Hope with a twinkle in her eye. 

She grimaced. “I guess. I’m just scared that it won’t work out. I wish I could know ahead of time. And don’t tell me there’s only one way to find out, because I know that.” 

“I genuinely don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.” 

Kai shrugged. “Wizards can be really dense sometimes. Especially about stuff they think is for Muggles. I only found out about this from a Muggle Studies textbook.” 

“They can’t be all bad. I married one.” 

“Good point.” She smiled, but her mood dropped again just as quickly. “I know one of my teachers isn’t going to get it. Greyhame. She won’t accommodate Remus, why would she cut me any slack?” 

“That’s not your job to figure out. Start by talking to McGonagall. She might be able to talk to this Greyhame. But it isn’t your responsibility. You’re a student, and it’s your teachers’ responsibility to help you where you need it.” 

“I feel like Greyhame would break out in hives if she heard the word ‘help’,” Kai muttered. 

Hope turned a little so the wind blew her hair properly out of her face. “It seems to me that if Hogwarts can accommodate your brother, there’s something they can do for you. And maybe there are other students like you who don’t know there’s another way.” 

Kai nodded slowly. “You’re right.” She grinned. “As usual.” 

“If you wanted to find spells or something magical that might help, you could always talk to your father. He might know something.” 

“Just because Dad’s a wizard doesn’t mean he knows everything.” Kai set off again. 

Hope followed. “He knows many things. But if you’re happy to move on, will you tell me about some of your other classes? I love hearing about what you do all day.” 

Kai smiled and began to tell Hope about her last few Herbology classes. While it wasn’t her favourite class, it was generally free of any major disasters. A welcome change. 

~

“What are you reading?” Kai peeked over the sheet of parchment Remus was holding, so that just her eyes showed. 

He glanced up and grinned, then folded the parchment and put it on his lap. “Letter from Sirius.” 

“Anything interesting happened to the boys?” 

“Apparently someone tried to stick a Christmassy hat on Greyhame and, according to Sirius, nearly got killed. I can’t tell whether he’s exaggerating.” 

Kai snorted. “Me neither.” 

“Also Kettleburn nearly blew up two of the greenhouses. No-one knows exactly what he was doing—or, at least, Sirius doesn’t—but obviously it wasn’t good.” 

“Well, it might’ve been good if it had worked.” 

Remus grinned. “No way to know. But this is Kettleburn, so it was possibly not strictly legal. At least no-one was in said greenhouses.” 

_ Well…  _ Kai deposited herself on the couch next to him, narrowly missing the letter. “We didn’t see Snivelly on the train. Do you know if he’s still at Hogwarts?” 

“Unfortunately, yes. According to Sirius, he keeps making not-so-subtle comments about me.” His grin had dropped; now he just looked tired and haggard. “Because of course.” 

“Does he even know anything?” Her pulse picked up speed. 

“I have no idea how much he saw. I hope he’s mostly got suspicion to go on.” 

She bit her lip. “He suspects. Like, I don’t think he’s been able to confirm it, but his suspicion is right.” She recounted what he’d said to her in the corridor; it felt like years ago, even if it had only been—how long? A month? 

“Did he really say that? Wolfsbane?” 

“Yes. And we told Dumbledore—I think James did. And I’m sure Dumbledore told Snape to keep his big mouth shut. Slimy git.” 

His face had gone tight. “He just wants attention. Maybe he’ll stop if we ignore him.” 

“It’d be nice to kick his sorry—” 

“If you’re going to talk to McGonagall about your dyslexia, I imagine you don’t want to get in her bad books at the same time.” 

She sighed. “Thanks for reminding me.” 

“No problem,” he said, his tone artificially light. 

She poked him. “Very funny. What’s up? I’d have thought you’d want to shut him up.” 

“I don’t want to pick a fight with him.” 

Because he thought it’d only make him look more like a monster, she was sure. But before she could speak, he continued, “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that on my behalf, either. Save your energy for school.” 

“And setting off the occasional firework under Greyhame’s desk, right?” 

He laughed, and it sounded genuine. “I mean, yeah, that too. But seriously. He’s just looking for a rise out of us. He wants us to get in trouble.” 

Talking about Snape wasn’t the best thing to be doing. She cast around for a change of subject. It was a beautiful day outside, a welcome change. She hadn’t been outside for a few days, since it had rained pretty much all day every day for that time, and it was making her antsy. 

“I’m guessing you’re thinking of going for a walk?” he said. 

She grinned. “Good guess. I want to get out of the house.” 

“You want company, or nah?” 

“If it’s yours, always.” She stood and held out a hand. 

After a second, he set Sirius’s letter aside and took her hand, letting her pull him to his feet. He slung an arm around her, pulling her close. “Love you, little sis.” 

“Hey! I’m older than you.” 

He propped his elbow on her shoulder in an exaggerated fashion. “I didn’t mean little as in younger.” 

She laughed. “Ha. Ha. I’m also not that short, you beanstalk.” In an attempt to prove her point, she reached up and ruffled his hair. 

He reached out to try and do the same to her, but she ducked out of his embrace and grabbed her coat from the rack. “If you’re coming, go get your shoes.” She’d left her own by her coat two days ago, based on an optimism that the rain would ease off that day. It hadn’t happened. 

As Remus disappeared up the stairs, it occurred to her that he, like her, had been rather moody for a few days. Sirius’s letter had livened him up. She smiled. If she’d told her eleven-year-old self that one day they’d have friends as amazing as they did now, younger Kai would never have believed her. She’d hoped, of course. But both of them had feared the worst, and maybe even expected it too. This was more than they could have hoped for: friends so close they could even share Remus’s biggest secret. 

The others had guessed, actually, but she didn’t really care. The important point was that they loved him anyway. 

~

“James! Wait ‘til tomorrow.” 

James hid his sheepish grin and set the present back down. He hadn’t found out anything but that it didn’t rattle, which wasn’t heaps to go on. “Sorry.” Peter was generally adamant that they should all open their presents together, and James was on board with the idea—Sirius enjoyed it, and it gave him a sense of family—but he wanted to  _ know _ . 

“You should be,” said Peter, but he was smiling when James turned around. 

“It’s weird not having the others around.” James picked up a blanket off the couch, having to tug it out from under Sirius to do so, and wrapped it around himself. “‘Specially Remus and Kai.” Aria had gone home for Christmas once or twice in past years, but Remus and Kai tended to stay, especially if there was a full moon over the Christmas holidays. 

“On the upside, more candy canes,” suggested Peter, with a gesture towards the bowl on one of the common room shelves. 

“I’m sure Moony would be pleased to hear that that’s our priority,” said James. 

“I just hope he’s okay,” said Sirius quietly, staring into the fire. 

James flopped down on the couch next to him. “The owl probably got stuck in the rain, if you’re worried about your letter. I’m sure he’s doing okay.” After a moment, he added, “I’m hoping that’s why my parents also haven’t replied to me. Because they’re usually pretty quick about it.” 

“You didn’t have to stay, you know,” said Sirius. “I know you miss them. You don’t have to stay on my account.” 

“Rubbish,” James said with a smile. “You’re our friend. We’re not letting you spend Christmas alone. I’ll see Mum and Dad at the end of the year.” 

There was silence for a moment. Then Peter said, “Wonder if Kettleburn is going to do what he did last year.” 

Sirius snorted. “Bring a dangerous animal into the Great Hall in the middle of the feast?” 

“He’s stealing our jobs,” said James. 

“Better he get in trouble than us,” said Peter. “Although it’s not like we have a reputation to keep up, unlike Moony.” 

“And Kai,” James reminded him. 

“Is Greyhame still at school? I haven’t seen her.” Sirius tucked his legs up onto the couch. 

Peter shrugged. “Haven’t seen her, but she might just be allergic to holiday cheer.” 

James laughed and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Sounds about right. Hope it snows tonight, I want to have a snowball fight.” 

“It’ll probably have melted before we can drag Wormtail out of bed,” said Sirius. 

Peter poked him. “Aren’t we doing presents first thing, anyway?” 

“If you want, mate.” James wrapped his blanket more securely around himself. “Also, I wondered if we wanted to prank Snivelly.” 

“That sounds like you have a prank prepared,” said Peter. “I’m guessing an exploding present.” 

James grinned. “Perhaps.” 

“Wanna get back at him for that comment in the corridor the other day?” 

Sirius let out a sarcastic bark of laughter. “Which one? There were several.” 

“I meant the one about James,” Peter said. “But all of them, really.” 

“He could at least stick to making fun of those of us that are here,” muttered Sirius. 

Silence fell again. The fire popped and crackled. 

“Enough about Snape,” said James. “Yeah, I know I brought him up, but let’s talk about something happier. Like how my mum promised to send enough fudge for all of us.” 

“Your mum makes the best fudge,” said Sirius. “Hopefully it gets here soon.” 

Peter grinned. “Agreed.” 

At that moment Nearly Headless Nick floated through the room. He’d somehow acquired a ghostly Santa hat. James did not feel inclined to ask questions. 

“Shouldn’t you lot be getting off to bed?” said Nick. 

“What are you supposed to be, Saint Nick?” Peter asked.

Nick frowned at him. “I only meant you don’t want to be too tired tomorrow, surely.” 

“If we wait an hour, it’ll be tomorrow and James will insist on opening his presents,” said Sirius. 

“Very funny.” 

James continued, “I don’t think I ever expected to take advice from a headless ghost—”

“ _ Nearly _ headless.” 

“—but maybe we should go to bed.” 

Sirius leaned back into the cushions. “It’s too late. I am one with the couch.” 

James laughed and grabbed his arm. “Come on.” 

~

An Invisibility Cloak made getting into the Slytherin common room surprisingly straightforward. James grinned and tried to ignore Sirius’s elbow sticking into him as they huddled in a corner of the room. The rigged present still lay under the tree; James had tagged it quite clearly, so Snape couldn’t miss it. Still… could he hurry up already? 

Peter shifted position and trod on James’s foot. He bit his lip to keep quiet. Though there didn’t  _ seem _ to be anyone around, he didn’t want to be too careful. The goal here was not to make Snape angry at  _ them _ , just to make him angry. Most of the Slytherins would be in the Great Hall by now, but they hadn’t seen Snape leave. 

Two things happened at once then. Footsteps sounded some way away, and James realised their feet were sticking out of the Cloak. Evidently they’d moved and shifted it. But the footsteps were coming nearer and he wasn’t sure they’d have time to fix it. He cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself and stepped quickly out from under the Cloak. When he glanced back, he couldn’t see any sign of the other two boys. No sound from them, though, so hopefully they understood what he’d done. 

The footsteps were louder now, and before James could even put his wand away, Snape appeared around a corner. He wore all black, with no concession to the holiday season, unsurprisingly. He did seem surprised to see the present beneath the tree addressed to him.  _ Come on, come on…  _

Shrugging, he reached for the box, his grouchy expression never shifting. With a mighty concussion, the box exploded in his face. Pieces of bright pink wrapping paper showered the room—and Snape—and a curl of ribbon settled itself neatly atop his head. 

James tried, and failed, to stifle a giggle. 

Snape’s expression grew even darker, if that were possible, and his hand went to his wand. James tensed. 

“ _ Revelio _ ,” said Snape. 

James practically felt his Charm melt away. 

“Potter,” Snape sneered. “How surprising.” 

“Yeah.” James forced a grin. “I can see you’re extremely shocked.” 

Snape brushed wrapping paper from his shoulder. “Where are your other little friends? I’d have thought you’d need Lupin for a charm like this.” 

“I’m offended,” said James, not offended in the least. It was true that the Lupins—both of them—had an affinity for tricky spells like this. He was just glad they weren’t here. This had been his idea and he’d take the fall. 

“And surely they’d want to watch me be humiliated,” Snape continued. 

Which was true. He just didn’t know that Peter and Sirius were here too, and James intended to keep it that way. 

“How do you know I had anything to do with that?” He gestured to the remains of the present on the floor by Snape’s feet. 

“What else would you be doing, Disillusioned, in the Slytherin common room?” 

James cast around for ideas. “For starters, how do you know someone else didn’t put the present there? Surely someone would’ve noticed me sneaking in—you did, after all. As for what I’m doing here, well… I thought the Quidditch captain might be around here. And I had some tactical things I wanted to discuss.” 

“Oh, please. That doesn’t explain why you were hiding.” 

“To avoid this conversation,” said James, as pleasantly as he could manage. This was not going quite as terribly as he’d thought. He might even be able to bullshit his way out of this one. Maybe. But the present had a second effect and if James wasn’t out of here in—he tried to glance surreptitiously at the clock on the wall—one and a half minutes, he was going to have a lot more difficulty claiming innocence. “Look. Obviously he isn’t here, so I’m going to go, because I really don’t want Sirius to eat all the Christmas pudding.” 

Snape scowled, but didn’t seem to be able to muster any further argument. James turned to go, hoping Sirius and Peter had the good sense to follow him.

Just as the common room entrance closed behind them, they heard a shout of “POTTER!” 

James set off running. 

“What did you do?” said Sirius, tearing the Cloak off and following. 

Between steps, and laughter, James managed, “He’s currently—covered in Gryffindor coloured—paint. Don’t think I can—pin that on anyone else.” 

“I’m pretty sure—he knows it—it was you,” said Peter, panting. “Knew—anyway.” 

James almost tripped, and turned his attention back to running. What he’d said was partially true. He didn’t want anyone else eating all the pudding. 


	16. An Office Full of Doxys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve goes awry when Sirius' canine instincts kick in. The group is reunited at Hogwarts and together they plan an unpleasant surprise for Greyhame.

“Aria! Catch!”

The Quaffle soared towards her and Aria urged her broom forward. It bucked, nearly throwing her off, and accelerated crookedly. She missed the Quaffle by several feet and Kai zoomed beneath her, catching it as it fell.

“Next time!” Remus called. He was the one who’d thrown it to her, and was only a tad more confident than she was on a broom; which was not saying much. Kai had definitely inherited all the Quidditch talent in the Lupin family.

Aria had been staying with the Lupins for a few days now. She enjoyed staying with them during the holidays, and her aunt and uncle welcomed her with open arms. They were making up for lost time, she supposed. Aria would’ve been content to keep both feet firmly on the ground for the duration of her visit, but Kai insisted she needed the practice. Those small moments where her broom was actually cooperating and she could feel the wind in her hair made it worth her while, but Aria was never going to play for the Harpies. 

Remus and Aria usually teamed up against Kai, figuring that two bad Quidditch players were better than one. Though with the number of passes they’d missed this afternoon, Aria was beginning to doubt that logic.

“And score!” Kai tossed the Quaffle through their makeshift hoop and took a victory lap around the small field. “10 points to Ravenclaw!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a Seeker?” Aria grumbled.

“Normally, yes, but I can play any position in a pinch.”

“Of course you can.” Aria didn’t feel any real resentment toward her cousin, despite her tone. She was very proud of Kai’s Quidditch skills. But the next school game was between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Aria wasn’t above a bit of friendly teasing. 

“Let’s go again.” Kai tossed the Quaffle to Remus, who fumbled for it a couple of times before getting a good grip on it.

“Can we get a head start this time?” Aria asked her. “I’d like to see if we can manage a single goal.”

“Fine.” Kai acquiesced and moved to the end of the pitch. “Remember, Aria, gentle movements and trust the broom.”

“It’s the broom that doesn’t trust me,” Aria said, but she loosened her grip all the same.

Remus threw the Quaffle with surprising force, and it hit Aria square in the chest without her having to move.

“Oof!” Aria exclaimed as the wind was knocked out of her.

“Sorry,” Remus called out.

“I’m okay.” Aria tucked it under her arm and leant forward to nudge her broom forward. After a couple of shudders, the broom started moving smoothly and Aria laughed as the wind ruffled her curls. She liked this part.

“Throw it back,” Remus said, waving a hand at her. Aria pulled on the handle to brake and slugged the Quaffle at him. Remus caught it and headed for the hoop, Kai hot on his heels (she’d finished giving them a head start).

“Go Remus!” Aria yelled. She moved closer, ready to try and catch the Quaffle should Remus need to throw it.

Remus took aim for the hoop and threw, managing to slip the Quaffle under Kai’s outstretched arm.

“Yea-ohh.” The excitement in Remus’ voice died as the ball hit the side of the hoop and bounced off.

“Nice try, Remus.” Kai flashed him an encouraging smile before diving down to fetch the Quaffle. 

“It was a good shot, much better than what I can do.” Aria flew slowly up to him. “If you ask me, those hoops are way too small,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Remus barked a laugh. “I don’t think Kai looked up the hoop size regulations when constructing this one.”

“Ready for another round?” Kai emerged, Quaffle in tow. 

“How about I throw the Quaffle in random directions and you have to try and catch it?” Aria often suggested this when she’d had enough of trying to catch the darn thing herself.

“And what am I supposed to do?” Remus asked, an eyebrow cocked.

“Well, you could try to catch it too—or we could take turns,” Aria blustered. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Remus out.

“I’m kidding, I don’t mind watching. My arse was getting sore anyway.” Remus headed for the ground, while Aria breathed a small sigh of relief. Things had been good with Remus while she’d been here. The last thing she wanted to do was mess that up.

“C’mon, Cottontail, show me what you got.” Kai was already in position, bobbing up and down slightly. 

“Is that a challenge?” Without waiting for her to answer, Aria threw the Quaffle backwards over her head.

Not one to give up easily, Kai soared past, the force of her acceleration buffeting Aria to the side.

Somehow, she still caught it. Aria had no idea how.

“I’m sorry.”

“Those thorns were _sharp,_ Aria.”

“Again, I’m sorry. But they barely scratched you.”

“Out of all the places you could’ve thrown it, you had to pick a blackberry bush?”

“Look, you’re not even bleeding. And I offered to get it for you.”

“I am bleeding, look.” Kai showed Aria her arm.

“That’s blackberry juice!”

“Alright, you got me.” Kai shook her sleeve back down, her eyes crinkling as she grinned. “If I’m honest, I’m more worried about the Quaffle.”

“Did it get scratched?” The Quaffle looked the same to Aria, but she was no expert.

“Nothing a good _Reparo_ can’t fix. Besides, it adds character. And that was some throw.” Kai gave her an approving clap on the back.

“The wind helped,” Aria said, though she did feel a little chuffed. It was a good throw. If only it hadn’t landed in a blackberry bush.

“No tracking muck indoors, you two,” Hope called from the kitchen. “Go wash up, and I’ll have a plate of scones down here for you soon.”

Kai and Aria exchanged a look and hurried to the washroom. Hope Lupin’s scones were legendary. 

~

James heaved the last of the fireworks into Sirius’s arms. “All set, boys? Think we can make it to the top of the Astronomy Tower in 10 minutes?”

“Let’s hurry up now, these fireworks are heavy,” Peter said.

“Just a sec.” James scanned the crude map he’d drawn up last night to avoid detection by Filch. “Alright, let’s go.”

The fireworks had not been Sirius’s idea.

Just having them in his arms made him feel twitchy. He used to be mad about them; they were loud and brightly coloured and hated by his parents. It was a winning combination for him. Something had changed recently, though, and now he had the strong urge to hide under his bed and wait until it was all over. It didn’t make sense, he always loved being in the centre of the action. Just days ago he’d had no problem watching a present explode in Snape’s face. How different could fireworks be?

“Pads, you’re lagging behind. C’mon, we don’t have all night.”

Sirius looked up the spiral staircase leading to the roof and saw that his friends were a fair way ahead. “I’m coming.” He forced down the churning in his stomach and picked up his pace.

The night sky couldn’t have been more perfect. Clear and dark, with a smattering of stars in the distance. But it was hard to appreciate when all of Sirius’s instincts were telling him to retreat back inside. He let out an involuntary whimper.

“Was that you, Sirius?” James asked. Sirius didn’t think he’d been that loud, but James had sharp hearing.

“It’s nothing.”

“Hey is something wrong?” James set his fireworks down on the ground and Sirius added his own to the pile, glad to be rid of them. “It’s just, you haven’t been very excited about this. And you’re usually more, well, involved. I showed you my new deluxe spiralling firework yesterday and it was like you were barely listening.”

“It’s nothing.” Sirius decided to bungle together an excuse. “We do this every year, it’s bound to get old eventually.”

“Not last year,” James reminded him. “We were in detention last year. Come on, what’s this really about?”

“Two minutes to go, guys,” Peter said.

“Could you start setting some of them up, then? Cheers, Pete.” James turned back to Sirius, still expecting him to answer. 

“I don’t know,” Sirius said honestly. “I’m just feeling out of it this year.”

“Hmm.” James scratched his chin. He picked up a couple of fireworks from the pile and held them out to Sirius. Sirius flinched.

James stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

“Oi, what’s so funny?” Sirius glared hotly at him. The hairs on the back of his arms were raised, and his mouth felt dry. Stupid fireworks.

“You’re a bloody _dog,_ mate, that’s what,” James said. “Look at this one, Pete, he’s scared half to death because he’s got too much canine in him.”

Peter let out a laugh, but stopped when he caught Sirius’s glare. “Well it’s midnight now, so what’s it gonna be? You staying or going?”

“It’s midnight? Happy New Year!” James pulled out his wand and ignited the tip, his glasses reflecting the dancing flame. Seeing the flame and knowing what James was planning to do with it proved too much for Sirius. Dog or not, he wasn’t staying here a moment longer. He turned, tucking a metaphorical tail between his legs, and legged it. He reached the spiral staircase just as he heard the familiar whizzing sound of a lit firework.

Sirius didn’t stop running until he got to the Fat Lady. She was drunk on 12th century mead and singing loudly (and off-key), but Sirius managed to get her attention for long enough to deliver the password.

The common room was loud and sweaty, with far too many drunk Gryffindors celebrating the new year. A few tried to get Sirius to dance as he waded through the crowd, but he shook them all off. 

His dorm was blissfully empty, and before he had time to question his decisions, Sirius was opening the wardrobe and burying himself in dusty robes. In here, the sounds of the party and the booms from outside were muffled, but not fully absent. Sirius let out another whimper, and felt his body transform into Padfoot, the dog who’d gotten him into this mess.

He wagged his tail to get it unstuck from a pair of boxers, and dug himself into a nest of clothes. When he was finally comfortable, Padfoot rested his paws on his snout, ready to wait out the night. So much for a happy new year.

There was a clatter of footsteps on the stone steps leading to the dorm and the sound of the door banging open. More footsteps, and then the door to the wardrobe was wrenched open, bathing Padfoot in light.

“Told you he’d be in here,” James said to Peter.

Padfoot growled low in the back of his throat. There was suddenly the bright flash of a camera going off. It was enough to startle Padfoot into his human form.

“You happy now?” Sirius said, rubbing his aching shoulders. 

“Come on, mate, we’re just having a laugh.” James flung himself into the closet—which was far too small for two fifth year boys—and tackled Sirius into a hug. “You know we love you, doglike quirks and all.”

“I know.” Sirius hugged James back and smiled at Peter over his shoulder. “And just you wait, I’m sure I’ll find something embarrassing that you’re scared of. Cars driving at night maybe.”

~

The Hogwarts Express chugged across snow-covered fields and frozen lakes. Muffin was lazing in a patch of sunlight on the table and Aria didn't have the heart to move her so the group could play a round of Exploding Snap.

Kai was doodling on a scrap of parchment with a pen. Aria knew Kai preferred to use pens; it was rare to see her with a quill anymore. 

"Whatcha drawing?" Aria asked. Kai held up the parchment to show a rough sketch of Muffin sleeping on the table.

"Aww."

"You can keep it if you'd like." Kai slid the parchment over to Aria.

"Thanks." Aria grinned and tucked it carefully in her planner so it wouldn't get creased. As she did so, she caught a glimpse of the words 'POGREBIN ESSAY DUE' written in red ink and circled several times. 

"Did you guys finish that awful essay Greyhame set us before Christmas? It's due on Monday."

"That thing? I did it a while ago so I wouldn't have to think about it," Remus said.

"I finished it," Kai said darkly. "I thought about strangling Greyhame the entire time, but I finished it."

"I know the feeling," Remus said.

"You know," Aria said slowly, "I've been thinking a bit about Greyhame recently."

Kai wrinkled her nose. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I just don't think it's right for her to be so vindictive in her teaching. There's strict and then there's _that_. Not to mention her astoundingly obvious elitism."

"Tell us something we don't know, Aria." Kai picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her hoodie. "You're right of course, but what can we do about it?"

Remus leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eye. "You know, Greyhame doesn't get back until tomorrow. How do you think she'd feel about coming back to an office full of Doxys?" 

" _Brilliant!_ " Kai exclaimed. "Remus, you're a genius."

Remus shook his head. "I'm not a genius, I just hate Greyhame even more than the average student."

"Do you know where we can get some Doxys?" Kai asked.

"I hadn't got that far yet," Remus admitted.

"I think I know," Aria said. "I'll show you when we get to Hogwarts."

~

“So where do we find them?” James asked eagerly. The Marauders had finished their happy reunion earlier—now it was down to business. 

“Kettleburn is breeding them for their eggs,” Aria told them. “I saw him harvesting them after a Care of Magical Creatures class.”

“So we just need to steal some of them from Kettleburn? Shouldn’t be too hard, he’s on probation right now,” Sirius said.

“What number is this? Probation 39?” Remus joked.

“Something like that.”

“We can’t go near the Doxys until we have an antidote,” Aria said, bringing them back to the topic at hand. “Their bites are poisonous and if one of us winds up in the hospital wing with Doxy bites, Greyhame will have proof it was us.”

“Slughorn should have an antidote,” Kai said.

“And he often forgets to lock his storeroom,” added James.

“Sure, but he went home for Christmas,” Aria said. “What are the chances of him leaving it unlocked all this time?”

The chances were very good, apparently. James tried the handle and the door to the storeroom swung open. 

“Wonder why more students don’t steal potions?” Sirius mused. “Slughorn’s giving them so many opportunities.”

“What’s the antidote called again?” Peter asked as he poked around the dusty shelves. 

“Antidote to Uncommon Poisons,” Aria said. “And it’s here.” She waved a round green flask at the others. It had been sitting next to a stack of bezoars, and while she was fairly sure she could identify it from the colour, it was thankfully labelled.

“Great, now let’s get the Doxys.” Kai pushed open the door and she, Aria and Peter left the storeroom. James, Sirius and Remus were waiting outside as the six of them couldn’t all fit.

“I assume they’re in Kettleburn’s office?” she said.

“Poor guy, imagine having to put up with Doxys in your office,” James said.

Aria cocked an eyebrow at him. Putting Doxys in an office was the entire point of this venture, but if anyone deserved that it was Greyhame. Kettleburn was a nice enough professor when he wasn’t off getting gravely injured.

“He was carrying a cage of them back to his office after I saw him harvesting the eggs so I think that’s a safe bet.” Aria tucked the potion in her satchel and started down the corridor.

Kettleburn was much savvier with security than Slughorn. Not only was the door to his office locked, but it was impervious to _Alohomora_. 

“Alright, this calls for a backup plan.” Sirius muscled his way to the front and pulled out a pocket knife. He flicked it open and ran it through the groove between the door and the door-jamb. There was a small click and then the door opened. 

“Knew there was a reason we were keeping you around, mate.” James clapped him on the back.

Kettleburn’s office was a lot emptier than Aria had been expecting; he must have taken most of his creatures home with him while he was on probation. The Doxys were here though, sitting on the desk in a large cage. 

“Weird looking buggers, aren’t they?” Remus said, moving closer to get a better look. 

“Should we take the cage to Greyhame’s office and release them there?” asked Peter.

“I think that’s wise, unless you want Doxys all over the school,” Kai said. 

“So who’s gonna carry the cage?” James asked.

“I’ll carry it.” Remus lifted it up by the handle. The cage shook violently, but he held firmly onto it. “You got the cloak, James?”

“Right here.” James took out the sheath of silvery fabric and draped it over the cage. It took some finessing, but once he was done it just looked like Remus was clenching his fist weirdly.

Kai aimed her wand at the cage. “ _Silencio._ ” The rattling sounds immediately disappeared. “Let’s go to Greyhame’s office.”

James brought out his Snitch on the way there under the pretence of drawing attention away from Remus. Aria doubted that was his sole motivation, but she let him be. It was entertaining watching him attempt increasingly reckless feats with it. But somehow he caught each and every one. Even Kai looked impressed. 

“Okay, we’re here. You can put that away now, James,” Aria said. 

The Snitch flew near Kai and she snatched it out of the air before James could grab it. James pouted.

“How’re we gonna do this?” Remus asked. He checked to make sure the corridor was clear before removing the Invisibility Cloak from the cage. “Open the cage and hope for the best?”

“Throw the cage in, unlock it with your wand and then close the door,” Aria suggested. 

“What about the cage? If we leave it there it’d be pretty suspicious.”

“Oh, hmm. I suppose someone will have to open the door again after a little while and vanish it. It’d be pretty difficult though, what with the size of it.”

“I’ll do it,” James said with his usual swagger. Aria hid her smile; she’d been expecting him to volunteer. “Not to brag, but McGonagall called my Vanishing Spell ‘exceptional’.” 

“Alright. Remus, are you okay to throw the cage in and unlock it?”

“I’ll be fine.” Remus _Alohamora-_ ed the door and threw in the cage. It landed with an almighty crash.

“I didn’t literally mean throw it,” Aria said.

“Sorry.” Remus rolled his eyes and unlocked the cage. The Doxys flew out, nasty, winged creatures with sharp pointy teeth, but Remus slammed the door shut before they could escape the room.

“And now we wait,” said James. “What exactly are we waiting for again?”

“For the Doxys to discover how great Greyhame’s curtains are,” Aria said. 

“Right, of course.” James pressed his ear up against the door. “I can’t hear anything.” Slowly, he turned the handle and opened the door just enough to slip his wand arm into the room.

“ _Evanesco—_ ah, shit! _Flipendo!_ ” He retracted his arm and closed the door. “Look, one of the little buggers bit me.” He showed Aria and the others his hand, which had tiny teeth marks in it.

Aria made an apologetic face. “That sucks. None of them escaped though, right?”

“No, I knocked that one back and there weren’t any others.”

Aria applied a few drops of the antidote to his bite. “You wouldn’t happen to have any bandage, would you?”

“I have some,” Remus piped up. “They’re back in my dorm.”

“Thanks, Remus. If you bandage it up and apply the antidote twice a day it should be fine.”

“Gotcha. I think it’s kind of cool. It’s like a battle scar.”

“Whatever you say, Prongsy,” said Sirius.

“If anyone asks where I got it, I’ll say your cat bit me, Aria. I hope you don’t mind.”

Truth be told, Aria _did_ mind (Muffin wasn’t aggressive), but she couldn’t think up a better excuse for him.

“Fine. Just make it clear you provoked her or something.”

~

“So how was she?” Kai asked the boys after classes had finished on Monday. Gryffindor had just finished Defence, and judging by the thrilled expressions on their faces, their prank (revenge) had gone to plan.

“Wish you had been there, it was amazing,” James said. “She was covered in bandages, and fuming all class, almost smoking at the ears.”

“She was so angry,” Peter agreed. “Angrier than I’ve ever seen her.”

“Everything she said was either a yell or an angry whisper, no in between,” Sirius added.

“And then she assigned us all twice as much homework as humanly possible. Poor Dorcas was almost in tears.” James said, grinning widely from ear to ear. 

“Twice as much homework doesn’t sound good,” Aria said. “Nor does making Dorcas cry.”

“Well that wasn’t the good part,” James conceded. “But don’t you _see_? We finally did it. We finally broke her. She was so furious she didn’t even remember to collect our essays.”

“Lucky,” Kai said. “Hope she forgets tomorrow too. Remus, you’ve been pretty quiet, got anything to say about the prank?

Remus looked up and smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile. It was the smile of someone who’d fought a gruelling battle and finally come out on top. “Vengeance was served.” 


	17. Keep Your Tongue In Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai tries and fails to keep her temper under control in a particularly frustrating Transfiguration class. Sirius narrowly avoids a fight with Snape, which Remus appreciates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been a little while but here is another chapter :D 
> 
> we hope to be back with more regular updates in a few weeks. exams are a Thing.

“Two days of classes and I’m already ready for summer,” said Sirius, tugging his tie off. Kai was surprised he’d even tied it in the first place. 

“One day and two periods,” Peter corrected. 

Kai folded her arms; the stone wall at her back was leaching the warmth out of her. “Charms wasn’t that bad.” 

“The class wasn’t bad, as far as classes go,” Sirius agreed. “But classes, on principle, aren’t wonderful.” 

“Is it overloading your tiny brain?” said Kai with a cheeky grin. 

Sirius threw his tie at her. 

James splayed his legs out in front of him. “At least old Flitwick went easier than Greyhame did yesterday.” 

“Have you considered that Greyhame’s bad mood is because of us?” Aria said. 

“I have,” said James. “Didn’t make the homework more pleasant.” 

Realisation hit Kai, and she sat forward. “Oh, shit. She’s going to give us that homework too, isn’t she?” 

“She’s not well-known for being fair.” Remus shot her a pointed glance. 

She still hadn’t figured out how to bring this up to McGonagall. She’d deal with that later, but she didn’t want to mention it in front of her friends  _ just _ yet. She was about to open her mouth to try and deflect when they heard footsteps that startled them all into silence. 

Filch leered at them as he passed, even though they were perfectly entitled to be in the corridor. Especially since it was raining outside. Actually, it looked like he was leering at Aria in particular, but he hadn’t seen them that night, had he? 

Sirius made a rude gesture once Filch had disappeared around the corner. Kai laughed and, remembering that his tie was in her lap, flung it back. Filch’s appearance had reminded her of something she and Aria had discussed, though—the night they’d almost been caught by Filch and found that incredible room, they’d not managed to tell the boys before they went home. When Aria had come to stay with the Lupins, she and Kai had decided to wait until term went back. And now, here they were. She glanced sideways, making sure Filch was long gone. 

“Did we ever tell you guys what happened to us last full moon?” said Aria, reading her mind. 

“After I—” Remus began. 

“Yes, after that,” Kai said. “When we went back to the castle.” 

“You didn’t,” said James. “We assumed you just went back to your dorms.” 

Remus frowned. “There’s no way you could’ve treated Kai’s arm properly.” 

Kai remembered he’d seen the mostly-healed scars over the holidays, though he hadn’t commented at the time. “We found—we found this crazy room. It just kind of appeared from nowhere and disappeared after we left, but it had everything we needed.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah,” said Aria, leaning closer. “It was on the seventh floor, near this truly hideous tapestry. I’ve never seen it before.”

“The tapestry or the room?” said Peter. 

“Both, technically. But I meant the room.” 

James frowned. “Are you sure it disappeared? Maybe the door’s just really well hidden. I can believe Hogwarts has rooms we don’t know about, but this is… different.” 

“No,” said Kai. “It straight-up disappeared. Melted into the wall. I couldn’t quite believe it myself, but it did, I swear.” 

Sirius shoved his tie deep into his bag. “You think it’ll ever come back? Or is it gone for good.” 

The thought hadn’t even occurred to Kai as she’d thought about it over the holiday. “I don’t know. I hope it isn’t gone.” 

“Should we go check?” said Remus. “We should have a few minutes before—”

The bell rang, making Kai jump. 

“I take that back.” Remus gathered his bag closer to him. “We’d better get going, because McGonagall is not going to cut us slack even if it is the second day back.” 

“She won’t cut us slack  _ because _ of that,” said James. He continued, adopting an excellent impression of McGonagall’s stern tones and Scottish accent, “It’s the first class, Mr Potter. You ought to be well-rested and ready to learn. Surely you aren’t tired quite yet.” 

Kai snorted with laughter. “I almost thought she was right there.” 

“It’s too early in the morning to be terrified like that,” said Aria. 

“It’s, like, eleven AM. Calm down.” 

Aria slung her bag over her shoulder and stood up. “Not everyone gets up at the unholy hours you do, Kai.” 

“I only woke you up  _ once _ over the holidays.” 

Aria just grinned and held out a hand for Kai to grab. “I’m not bothered. Don’t worry.” 

Somehow they made it to Transfiguration before McGonagall could yell at them. They weren’t even the last ones to class; Diana and Aiden ducked in the door mere moments before McGonagall started teaching, and seated themselves hurriedly in the row in front of the Marauders. Kai wasn’t entirely sure how they’d managed to end up looking like they’d run through a hurricane in the short time of recess. Oh well. Not her problem. 

Even if she hadn’t talked to McGonagall yet, she was determined to do better this term. She might even make an effort to take notes. 

“I trust you are all well-rested,” McGonagall began, and the Marauders stifled giggles. Kai nudged James under the table as she set out a sheet of parchment and a pen. 

“You all ought to be, therefore, ready to learn.” She placed a hand on her desk. “Here I have the last essays you did for me, with corrections and comments. It appears I did not teach this content as thoroughly as I could have, so this is what we will do today: you will quietly read over the comments I have made, and consult your textbooks as necessary. If you have questions the textbook cannot answer, ask a classmate if they don’t mind, or bring them to me.”

There was a groan from the class. 

“I would have hoped that this would not be too strenuous a task for your first lesson back. I can set you something harder if you prefer.” 

Silence. Kai bit back a sigh, because it really depended on how you defined ‘harder’, but no-one was going to thank her if she said anything. Well. She’d resolved to try, and try she would. She had one charm in mind that might help, but she also suspected that at some point she’d written herself off entirely and stopped trying—in situations like this, she’d just have talked it over with Remus later. Effort might help. Surely. 

“These essays do not have grades on them,” said McGonagall as she distributed them, “but from here on all your Transfiguration work will be graded according to OWL standards to prepare you for your exams and the standards you should expect.” 

Thank goodness that this essay wasn’t graded… but Kai already dreaded the next essay she’d get back.  _ Unless you talk to McGonagall soon, _ whispered a voice in her head that sounded much like Remus. 

_ Not gonna deal with that right now, _ she told herself.  _ I have an essay to read over.  _

The essay that landed in front of her was, unsurprisingly, covered in red ink. If she remembered this correctly—though the last month or so of term had blurred together—it was a topic she understood. The Inanimatus Conjurus spell. Then again, understanding it wasn’t usually the problem. McGonagall may not have gotten the impression she understood it, though. Straightening the parchment in front of her, she thought she felt Aria’s eyes on her, but kept her gaze firmly on her essay even as the words shifted on the page.  _ Stay put, you little fuckers,  _ she thought.  _ Come on.  _

Slowly, she made out the title, even though part of that was just memory. She ignored the dull thumping that had started up behind her eyes, and glanced up. The rest of the class seemed to be thoroughly focused on their own work, and McGonagall was busy writing on the board. Kai lifted her wand and touched it as discreetly to the parchment as she could manage, then muttered a charm under her breath. Nothing happened. At least, reading had not gotten easier. She whispered the words again, but still nothing. Oh well. Even if she wanted to talk to McGonagall soon, she couldn’t do it in a room full of students. 

A quiet buzz of chatter started in the silent room; whispers at first, but slowly growing as the speakers gained confidence. Somehow Kai didn’t think everyone was talking about Transfiguration. She scowled at the first comment McGonagall had made on the essay. 

Fifteen minutes later, the conversation in the room had not gotten quieter. In front of her, Diana and Aiden were talking, none too quietly and definitely not about Transfiguration. No-one laughed that much about Transfiguration. Kai wasn’t having much luck. She’d managed to take in a few sentences, but her head was aching and Diana and Aiden were  _ not helping _ . Every sentence, every giggle, grated at her. Anger built in her chest and she dug the end of her pen into the desk, trying to let it out that way. 

Peter nudged Kai’s elbow and she almost snapped at him, but bit down the words just in time. “What’s up?” 

“I have a question, and you’re good at Transfiguration.” 

The interruption was both welcome and unwelcome. She took a deep breath and said, “Sure.” 

“What’s the wand movement for this?” 

Using her pen as a wand, she demonstrated the movement. “Double flick and a circle.” 

Peter’s face lit up. “Thanks!” 

She smiled and returned to her essay, feeling the pleasure at being appreciated draining from her like water off a roof. As the red-inked words blurred before her once more, she grabbed the paper as though that could hold them still and gritted her teeth. She’d made it this far. Even if she had to finish it later, she might get a little further before the bell. 

Diana let out a loud giggle and prodded Aiden in the arm. “Aiden, not the time!” 

“No, it’s not,” said Kai before she could stop herself. 

“Pardon me?” said Aiden. 

Kai clenched her fist around her pen. “I can’t fucking concentrate when you’re talking, so could you just  _ shut up _ !” She hadn’t realised her voice was rising until she’d stopped, her last words echoing in the totally silent room. 

“Miss Lupin—” McGonagall began, but Kai fled the room before she heard any more. She’d said the wrong thing, she knew that now. What had Remus said?  _ “If you’re going to talk to McGonagall about your dyslexia, I imagine you don’t want to get in her bad books at the same time.”  _ She sighed, resting her aching forehead against the cool wall.  _ Damn it, Kai. You just have to make everything worse, don’t you?  _

“Miss Lupin?” 

McGonagall was here. Wonderful. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” she mumbled, her words a little muffled. 

“I was going to advise you that trying to keep your temper and your tongue in check is generally the best course of action in most situations. But I think you know that already.” 

Tears stung her eyelids. “Yes, Professor. I know.” 

“I will speak to Mr Harris and Miss Kimoto. Their conversation was out of hand.” 

_ But I still shouldn’t have yelled at them. I get it.  _

“Is there something going on, Miss Lupin? Anything you wish to discuss with me?” 

Kai hesitated. “No, Professor.” Now was not the time. 

“Very well. The bell will ring shortly, I believe. I will see you tomorrow.” 

Kai stood up enough to nod, still unwilling to meet McGonagall’s eyes. Finally, in a rustle of robes she was gone, and Kai was alone in the corridor with her frustration and her headache. 

The ringing bell didn’t do wonders for her head, but not long after its echoes had faded from the corridor, someone else joined her, silently. Kai glanced up to see Aria with her arms full of Kai’s stuff.  _ Bless you, Aria _ . 

“Thought you might want this,” said Aria quietly. 

Kai gathered the bundle of paper into her own arms and took her bag from Aria too. “Thanks.” 

“I don’t think Aiden and his friend—girlfriend? Dunno—are angry at you, by the way. When we were packing up they just sounded really sorry.” 

“Are the others coming?” Kai didn’t particularly want to talk about this too much. It was probably fair for Aiden and Diana to be annoyed with her. It was almost worse to know that they weren’t. 

“They’re inside, because I wanted to ask you something.” 

Midway through piling papers into her bag, she paused. “What?” 

“Well, I think I can guess why you were, er, struggling before. But the boys don’t know.” 

“Remus does.” 

“The other three don’t, though, do they?” 

Kai resumed packing her bag. “They do not.” Did she want them to? She’d been putting off telling McGonagall, but these were her friends. Friends so close she could trust them with Remus’s secret… why not with her own? Keeping it to herself didn’t seem to be going wonderfully, the evidence suggested. She frowned, folding a sheet of parchment so it fitted better into her bag. Really, she did want to be honest with them, but that might not be quite the same thing as explaining it right now. That idea seemed like too much. 

“Would it be weird if I explained?” said Aria. “You look exhausted. And you can say no, that’s fine.” 

“No, I—I think I want them to know. But I feel like I’ve talked about it a lot recently.” She’d talked to Aria and Remus several times and both her parents. Explaining it to her father had been a bit of a challenge; as well-meaning as he was, the concept of anything like this was rather foreign to him. James and Sirius were wonderful friends, but they were also pure-bloods with relatively old-fashioned parents. The thought disagreed with her aching head. “You can tell them. I have a headache I’d like to deal with.” Plus, sometimes it felt like Aria knew more about this than Kai herself. She sat down again, letting her bag fall unceremoniously onto its side, and pulled out her wand. 

Aria squeezed her shoulder and then she was gone. 

They had Defence next period. They were going to be late. She hadn’t even thought to mention that to Aria. That said, thinking was not her strong suit right now. 

If Greyhame was as pissed as she had been yesterday, two late students might make no difference. Or it might make a lot of difference. She frowned and remembered her headache. “ _ Episkey _ .” 

The tightness in her skull lessened somewhat at the charm; she tipped her head carefully back against the wall and closed her eyes. Maybe she’d just ditch Defence entirely. She didn’t want to deal with Greyhame right now, whether or not she’d be angrier than usual. 

Something nudged her shoulder. Her eyes snapped open to see James sitting beside her with a small smile on his face. “Think I see now why you were so angry at those two,” he said mildly. 

She didn’t really know what to say to that, so she just nodded. 

“I have a question,” said Sirius. 

Kai groaned inwardly. 

“Why on earth did you insist on doing Remus’s work? We’d have done it, all you had to do was ask.” 

With hindsight, it did seem stupid. “A few reasons. I wouldn’t have known where to start telling you guys about it, for starters. I only learned what it was called recently.” Not only had her headache lightened, so had an invisible weight on her shoulders. It was nice to be able to talk about it. “Besides, I’m not doing that anymore, so you don’t have to worry.” 

“Can we help?” said James. 

“Right now, I need motivation not to murder Greylame next period.” 

“You could skip,” said Sirius. 

Kai giggled. “I thought about that. Can’t decide if that’s better or worse.” 

“It’s the first class back,” Aria said. “Come to class, hold up your reputation. If you have to, go to the bathroom or something.” 

“Aria, speaking words of wisdom.” Kai hauled herself to her feet. “Otherwise known as words I probably should listen to but don’t want to.” 

“If she sets you the same pile of homework she set us, give it to me,” said James. “It’s actually a topic I sort of like. Stunning Spells.” 

Kai adjusted her bag strap. “Assuming I take in a word Greyhame says, I’ll know the content. It’s just writing it down that’s a problem.” 

“Teamwork,” suggested James. 

Aria grinned. “We’re going to be very late if we don’t get going now.” 

As she followed Aria down the corridor, Kai smiled. She felt strangely warm despite the draughty corridor. Not for the first time, she was so very grateful for her friends. 

~

Kai glanced at the clock. “Oops. How is it five already?” 

“Where are you going?” said James, not looking up from the essay he was writing for her. 

“Quidditch training.” 

“Excellent. If Greyhame asks about this homework, tell her you got hit by a Bludger and had to dictate your essay.” 

Kai let out a giggle and twisted her hair into a bun. “A much more useable excuse than last time I injured my writing arm.” 

“Surely the only person you want getting hit by a Bludger is Damien,” said Remus. 

“Yep. But Will doesn’t want to lose his captaincy the way Damien did.” 

“You know it’s serious when Madam Hooch demotes your captain,” James said. “But surely you might be able to justify—” 

“Very funny. I’m not going to convince Will to brain Damien, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Or Tilly, as much as I might want to. I might take some advice from McGonagall and try not to cuss out Damien today.” 

Sirius snorted. “Leave that to Bella.” 

Kai propped her boot on Remus’s knee to lace it up.

He shoved it good-naturedly aside. “Get your muddy boots off me.” 

“They’re not muddy yet.” She glanced out the window. “They will be in like five minutes, though.” 

“Have fun,” said James as she turned to go. “Don’t do too well, though.” 

She grinned. “Thanks again for doing that essay.” 

“Absolutely no problem. Now go, or you’ll be late.” 

It had rained all morning, but it had stopped now. That was good, but it did mean the pitch was slightly more puddle than pitch. She’d put her arm guards and gloves on in the safety of the Hogwarts entrance hall, but her shin guards were slung over her shoulder for now. She couldn’t walk too well in them, but she also didn’t feel like trying to put them on on the pitch. Once she was sure the guards weren’t going to fall off her shoulder, she zipped her jacket up as high as it went and kicked off the ground with a  _ squelch _ . The dampness of the grass meant she didn’t get enough purchase with one foot, and she shot into the air on an awkward angle. Cursing, she clutched at her broom handle and righted herself. 

As she strapped on her shin guards, she heard someone snickering. It was probably Damien, but she kept her attention on the straps and on not falling off her broom. Everyone else, she noted, had geared up on the ground or in the changing rooms. Good for them. 

“Why are we training so early in the term? Our next game is against Hufflepuff, for goodness’ sake. Everyone knows they’re not competition.” 

No prizes for guessing who that had been, she thought. 

“Hufflepuff have no intention of letting us walk all over them,” said Will pleasantly. “And the more training we have under our belts when we play Slytherin in May, the better.” 

Bella joined Kai in the air. “A better argument against training this early is to spare us Damien,” she suggested quietly. Louder, she called, “Oi, Damien! Hurry up. Everyone else has their gear on.” 

Kai checked her watch. “We were meant to start five minutes ago.” 

“And you’re late!” Bella added. “Get your arse in gear.” 

Damien didn’t manage a comeback to that. He just flipped Bella off and dropped his glove in the process. Bella cheerfully made the same gesture right back as Damien tried and failed to dry the glove. 

“Damien,” said Will, “I’ll ask you to restrain yourself from making rude gestures at other players.” 

“She did it too!” Damien shot back. 

“And I will also ask Bella not to do it. Bella—” he glanced over “—consider yourself asked.” 

“Sorry, captain,” said Bella, giving off a surprisingly good impression of being actually sorry. Kai didn’t believe it, and she doubted Will actually did, but he just nodded and wheeled his broom to address them all. “Right. Two laps of the pitch to warm up.” 

Finally finished, Damien kicked off the ground to join the sloppy circle of players. 

_ If he complains about us starting without him, I may have to kill him.  _

Will continued, “Then we’ll do some passes, again to warm up. Make sure none of us are too rusty after the holidays, get back in the swing of things. Got it? Good. Off you go.” 

Kai turned her broom and started to accelerate, but an abrupt tug on the back of her broom stopped her. She looked over her shoulder to see Will with his hand on the bristles. 

“Just wanted to make sure you’re okay?” he said. 

“I’m fine,” she replied, a little unsure why he was doing it now. 

“You seemed very stressed in Defence yesterday. Everything alright?” 

The concern was nice, but was now the time? “It’s fine.” She gestured in the direction of the others. “I’m gonna… go now? Before Damien starts complaining about preferential treatment.” 

“Oh gosh.” Will sighed. “Fair enough. Glad you’re alright.” 

She nodded and shot after the others, Will close on her heels. Warmup laps weren’t too fast, so she managed to catch up before the others had gotten too far around the pitch. 

As they circled back to the middle of the pitch, Will dove down to retrieve a couple of Quaffles. “Pair up and let’s do some passes, nothing too complicated to start off.” 

Damien rolled his eyes. 

Kai curled and uncurled her fingers.  _ Don’t punch him, Kai.  _

“You wanna go with me?” Bella nudged her arm. 

Kai laughed, and whispered, “For a tiny second I thought you were talking to Damien.” 

Bella shook her head with a grin. “Nope. Either Will’s gonna take one for the team, or the Chasers will make a three.” 

It turned out to be the latter, possibly unfortunately for the other two Chasers. Will paired up with Tilly, the other Beater, a sixth-year blonde girl who was even taller than Kai and broader in the shoulder. 

“Forgot you’re a lefty,” complained Bella, catching Kai’s pass but only just. 

“I’m still throwing it  _ to _ you,” said Kai. “Your entire job on this team is to catch things that people  _ don’t _ want you to catch.” She caught Bella’s return throw with both hands right in front of her face. “Are you trying to kill me?” 

“No.” 

Kai returned the Quaffle, as hard as she could manage. “I played a bit of Quidditch with Remus and Aria over the holidays, but it’s not quite the same.” 

Bella slugged it back with an equal force. “Because there isn’t quite as much risk of getting knocked off your broom?” 

Well, there was more risk of blackberry bushes, but Aria and Remus didn’t throw quite as hard as Bella. “Kinda. Both kinds of game are good.” 

Most of the training was spent in rough position groups. Kai and Bella alternated helping each other practise; Kai played Chaser for a little while while Bella blocked her goals, and then Bella raced her to the Snitch several times. Damien drilled his Chasers and the two Beaters practised together, occasionally coming to make trouble for the others. Trouble was made by accident on one occasion when a rogue gust of wind sent a Bludger whistling dangerously close to Kai. Thankfully it didn’t hit. 

“Come back in!” Will shouted. The wind was picking up, and he had to cup his hands around his mouth to make himself heard. 

“Are we done?” said Tilly. 

“Nope,” said Will. “We’re gonna do a short practice match. Chasers against Bella, you and I will do our thing. We keep going until Kai catches the Snitch.” 

Damien groaned. 

Kai scowled. “Sorry it’s too dark for you to see the Quaffle, but I can still catch the Snitch like this.” She’d rather like to see Damien play Seeker, except that she wouldn’t because his attention to detail wasn’t wonderful and he had no patience. Her own patience was easily tried by people like Damien, but she was usually comfortable waiting around for a while for a glimpse of the Snitch. 

“I have homework to do. I didn’t think we’d be training this long.” 

Kai felt a tiny pang of regret that she wasn’t doing her own homework, but James had offered, she reminded herself. “Look, Damien, if I don’t catch the Snitch in, what—ten minutes?” She glanced at Will. 

“Sure,” said Will. “Ten minutes then we call it quits.” 

Whatever Kai had been going to suggest if she didn’t catch it wouldn’t have been good. Thanks, Will. If nothing else, for stopping her before she could say something stupid. 

She caught the Snitch after five minutes and forty-five seconds. “Your lack of confidence is misplaced,” she informed Damien with a grin as the Snitch struggled feebly in her grip. “I’d appreciate it if you had some confidence in me.” She wanted to say  _ I’d like to see you do better  _ but kept those words firmly to herself. Damien would one hundred percent take up such a challenge, and she’d quite like to get inside where it was warm. 

Something splashed on the back of her neck, and she amended the thought to “warm and not raining”. 

“Good training, guys,” said Will. “I’ll let you know when I want to train going forward. Now go inside and warm up, all of you.” 

As much as she wanted to do that, Kai lagged behind a little in case Will needed help to wrangle the Bludgers into their box. He managed the first without too much trouble, and was going okay with the second one until it slipped out of his grip—probably because of the rain—and rocketed into the sky. Kai lunged for it, hanging onto her broom with her legs, and managed to gather the struggling ball into her chest without falling. Clinging tightly to the Bludger, she steered her broom with her knees, but between that and the rain she landed in a heap. She squinted and made out the figure of Will approaching her. 

“Thanks,” he said, reaching out to wrap his arms as far around the Bludger as he could without pushing Kai’s hands away. It was a little awkward; Kai tried to hold the Bludger a little further away from her chest. 

“You got it?” 

“I think so.” 

She let go. He tightened his grip and wrestled it into the box. Kai, now able to get up and put down her broom, ran over and held the Bludger down while he chained it. 

He slammed the lid shut, panting, and turned to Kai with a grin. “Thanks for the help. I wouldn’t have liked to chase that down in this weather.” 

“No problem.” She smiled and turned to go. The lights of the castle looked very inviting. 

~

Sirius wasn’t sure what alerted him to Snape’s presence. The slimy git hadn’t said a word—hopefully it stayed that way—and yet Sirius  _ knew _ he was behind them. 

As he had the thought, Remus skidded on a patch of wet grass. Sirius put out an arm without even needing to think about it, grabbing his friend’s elbow to steady him. 

Remus paused a second, finding his feet, then continued on, giving Sirius a half-smile and a nod. 

“Careful there, Lupin.” 

And there it was. So much for silence from Snivellus. Sirius’s hand tightened into a fist around his bag strap. Oh, how he itched to curse that little—

Last time he’d gone after Snape he’d only made things worse, so much worse, no matter how much he liked to think he’d meant to protect Remus. That had been the kind of thing his parents thought was okay; he knew that now, and he knew he didn’t want to be like that. But still, his temper was boiling dangerously close to the surface, and he was seriously tempted to give in. 

“Sirius?” Remus was looking at him with concern. “You alright?” 

He swallowed and shouldered his bag a little more surely. His bag, in which lay his wand. “I’m fine,” he said. “We’d better pick up the pace. Sprout won’t be happy if we’re late.” 

James glanced back in Snape’s direction. 

“I know,” Sirius said. “I’m imagining a much more pleasant world in which he doesn’t exist.” 

“I was expecting you to have hit him by now,” said Peter. 

Sirius folded his arms and said nothing, just continued walking. Remus caught up quickly, nudging against Sirius’s shoulder. It might’ve been an accident. It was hard to say. When he glanced up, though, Remus had a small smile on his face. 


	18. You’re Supposed to be My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aria attends her first Slug Club meeting and is thankful that Lily is there to lessen the awkwardness. When a spell doesn’t go right for her, help comes from an unexpected source. Later, Aria overhears a conversation which soon turns ugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi we're back
> 
> with hopefully more regular updates for a little while

Slughorn tapped the side of his champagne glass with a spoon. “Welcome, students, to another Slug Club party.” 

Aria exchanged a look with Lily, who was sitting beside her. Neither were overly fond of the name ‘Slug Club’. 

“And please extend a warm welcome to our newest guest, Aria, who couldn’t make it to our previous meetings.” He extended a pudgy hand out towards Aria, who squirmed a little in her chair. Everyone around the table was looking at her; she hadn’t had so many eyes on her since the Sorting ceremony. 

Slughorn chucked, his moustache twitching. “I think I’ve mortified the poor girl. So sorry, my dear. Well, I think it’s time to start on the food.” He clapped his hands and an array of dishes appeared on the large, round table. Eager for something to do with her hands, Aria grabbed her plate and began to spoon what looked like a casserole onto it. She was about to take a bite when she realised the lumps in the sauce were—

“Blegh! Snails!” Aria dropped her spoon in surprise and splattered sauce on the table. 

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked.

“There’s snails in this.”

“I think it’s called escargot.”

“Well that changes everything.”

Lily laughed. “Don’t worry, you can have my plate, it’s still clean.”

“Are you sure?” Aria eyed her suspiciously. “You don’t mind eating snails?”

“Why not? How bad can it really be?” Lily took a mouthful and immediately winced. “I was wrong, it’s bad. Never trust the English to make a French dish.” She pulled out her wand and Vanished the leftover food, leaving no trace of the snails.

“Impressive,” Aria said. 

“Huh?”

“Your magic.” Aria’s Vanishing Spells were still wildly unpredictable. If she’d attempted that, she likely would’ve Vanished the plate and the tablecloth too. 

Lily smiled. “Thanks.”

Aria spotted an opportunity. “You know who else is really good at Transfiguration?”

“Don’t say it,” Lily groaned.

“Say what?”

“Potter. Obviously. Tell him I prefer Charms.”

“You know, he isn’t  _ that  _ bad,” Aria tried.

Lily let out a pained sigh. “I like you, Aria, please don’t ruin that.”

“Aria,” Slughorn called from across the table. “Was it your grandfather who was the youngest man ever to serve on the Wizengamot?”

“I highly doubt it, sir, as he was a Muggle,” Aria replied. A student to her right sniffed at the word ‘Muggle’ and Lily shot her a scathing glare. 

“That was my grandfather, sir,” said a deep voice. 

“Ah yes, Shacklebolt, wasn’t it? An incredible man, you must be very proud, Kingsley.” Slughorn turned to give his attention to the dark-skinned boy sitting a few seats to his right. Aria had seen him in a few of her classes, but she’d never spoken to him before. 

“You should’ve made something up,” Lily said to Aria.

“About my grandfather?”

“Yeah. You should’ve said he was the first man to ride a dragon or something.”

“I’m not ashamed of my family,” Aria said, quietly but firmly. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Lily fiddled with a strand of her long, red hair. “But Slughorn will only pay attention to you if your family did something important.”

“I didn’t come here to impress Slughorn, and I’m starting to wish I hadn’t come at all. I only came because I felt bad about missing the other meetings.”

“Well you didn’t miss much,” Lily confirmed.

“Why do you keep coming then?”

“Well I—”

“Lily, dear, remind me to give you that book on fourteenth century potions before you leave,” Slughorn said as he loaded another quail onto his plate. 

Aria raised her eyebrows. “Oh.”

“Shut up.” The corner of Lily’s mouth twitched. “I’ll let you borrow it when I’m done?”

“Deal.” Aria didn’t know what the book was, but if Lily wanted it badly enough to attend the meeting then it had to be good. 

After the meal, the guests left the main table so they could mill around and talk to one another, or line up to try and schmooze Slughorn. Aria thought about introducing herself properly to Kingsley, but he was already engaged in conversation with Will, Kai’s Quidditch captain. As she looked around for another friendly face, she spotted Regulus, standing a good head shorter than the Slytherin boys he was with. Aria recognised the haughty face of Mulciber and was sure she’d seen the other boy in the Great Hall before. Slytherins tended to keep to their own so she wasn’t about to approach them. 

Regulus being here was notable, though. Aria didn’t recall Sirius mentioning he’d been invited, but maybe that was just because he’d pulled one too many pranks in Potions. Regulus caught her looking at him so Aria smiled and gave him a small wave. He hesitated, side-eyeing his companions, before lifting his hand to wave back.

“Aria! I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

Aria spun around to find herself standing far too close to Will. She took a step backwards and lifted her chin to make eye contact with him (he was a good deal taller than her). “I didn’t know you were coming either, but it’s good to see you here.”

“Always good to see a friend at these things.”

Aria smiled at being called a friend, but Will was the type to be friends with everyone. It was what made him a good prefect.

“How’s your week been?” she asked him.

“Alright, just very busy. We’ve got a Quidditch game coming up and I’ve implemented quite a vigorous training regimen to prepare.”

“Is that why I can never find Kai in the evening?” Aria joked. “Well don’t train too hard, the next game is against Hufflepuff after all.”

Will laughed. “Right. Thankfully Kai’s been an absolute legend about it,” he said earnestly. 

“Has she?” Aria prompted. Will’s eyes lit up when the conversation turned to Kai.

“Yeah. The whole team has, of course, but I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to hear that.”

Will’s eyes widened. “You’re not going to tell her I said that, are you?”

“Not if you don’t want me to,” said Aria, though a part of her badly wanted to (if only to gauge Kai’s reaction). Still, she was good at keeping things to herself when needed.

“Thanks, much appreciated.” Will looked relieved. “I just—well, she might take it the wrong way.”

_ The wrong way?  _ Perhaps there was some merit to Aria’s suspicions after all. Will was looking more and more uncomfortable as the silence stretched between them, so Aria decided to go back to their original topic.

“So, you have a Quidditch game coming up?”

“Yes, an important one which I really want to win. No offence to Hufflepuff of course.”

“None taken.” Aria had never taken much interest in the school Quidditch league. 

“Sadly, it looks like I’ll have to give the Valentine’s Day party a miss.”

Slughorn had mentioned that he was hosting a dinner party for Valentine’s Day on Friday.

“You’re not going?” If Will wasn’t, then that left Aria with only one friend at the party (Lily), which didn’t sound very appealing.

“Nah, I want to book the pitch before Hufflepuff can and get a decent training session in.”

“Or you can book the pitch for Saturday and come to the party,” Aria said, pleading with Will with her eyes. “Don’t you think it’s bad luck to train on Friday the 13th?”

“Then wouldn’t it also be bad luck to go to a party? Look, it’s just a Slug Club event. I’m happy to miss out for the sake of my team.”

“You should ask Kai,” Aria blurted out.

“Huh? Ask her what?”

“To the party,” Aria clarified. “You should ask Kai to come with you. Slughorn said we’re allowed to bring someone.”

“You really think she’d want to go to something like that?” Looking unsure, Will rubbed the back of his neck.

“With you, she would,” Aria said, taking a leap of faith. It was starting to make sense to her. Kai had always been very close with Will. They were both prefects and she spoke very highly of him as a Quidditch captain. Aria’s conversation with Will had left her feeling 99% sure he liked Kai as more than just a friend or teammate. And then Aria would have both Will and Kai at Slughorn’s party with her, which was definitely a win for her. 

“Alright.” Will grinned, light reflecting off his perfectly white teeth.  _ Of course he had perfect teeth.  _ “Good chat, Aria. Thanks for the advice.”

Aria bit her lip and smiled back. Surely this would work out well.

~

Cottontail felt the ground vibrate beneath her paws. She lifted her nose to sniff the air.  _ They were coming.  _

Shadow whined and pawed at the ground. She and Cottontail had transformed in the forest, away from the Shrieking Shack and Moony. Her Animagus form hadn’t faltered yet, but if it did then Prongs and Padfoot had a plan to force Moony away from Kai. Cottontail hoped it wouldn’t have to come to that. 

A mix of barks and howls grew louder. Padfoot wove around trees and shrubs, Moony not far behind with Prongs flanking him. Cottontail hopped forward and nuzzled at Padfoot’s shin, but Shadow hung back, her hackles raised and her claws extended. She was large for a wolf, but not a match for Moony’s size. 

Padfoot bounded over to Shadow and nipped at her playfully. She growled and took a swipe at him with retracted claws. Moony started towards Shadow, a low growl escaping his throat. It was more an inquisitive growl than an aggressive one, but Prongs still prodded him with an antler as a warning. Nestled between his antlers was Wormtail, who blended in well with Prongs’s brown fur. Cottontail twitched her ears at him as a hello. Wormtail responded with a flick of his fleshy tail.

Moony let out a sudden sharp howl and dashed forward. Padfoot quickly placed himself in front of Shadow, but there was no need. Moony was aiming for a different part of the forest. There was a thunderous sound of hooves from Prongs as he raced to follow him. Padfoot barked to tell them he was coming. He bounded forward and looked back beseechingly at Shadow, who hadn’t moved. Her hairs were still raised, but she soon followed Padfoot with a steely determination. Not wanting to be left behind, Aria hopped after them. 

Moony hadn’t travelled very far. They found him at the edge of a nearby clearing, illuminated in a pale silver light. Cottontail’s eyes widened as she took in the sight before them. It was a unicorn. A beautiful, silvery-white unicorn emitting a heavenly glow. It bowed its head to graze at the grass, clearly having not noticed the visitors. 

Moony wasn’t moving towards the unicorn. He seemed to be fixed in place, dazzled by the sight before him. His brown eyes were reflecting some of the light, and for a moment Cottontail saw a flash of Remus in his face. Remus would have loved to see a unicorn. 

“Don’t move any closer,” said a deep voice. Cottontail turned her head to see a centaur behind them. She hadn’t heard him approach which filled her with discomfort. Perhaps there were more hiding within the trees, waiting for them to let their guard down. In the centaur’s hands was a bow with an arrow nocked, though the string was still slack. Cottontail’s tiny heart beat even faster.

“Killing a unicorn is a grave offence,” the centaur continued, as if he understood Cottontail’s worry. “Keep your werewolf back.”

Padfoot bowed his head as affirmation and moved closer to Moony, who was still transfixed by the unicorn. Nothing about his behaviour indicated that he wanted to cause the unicorn harm, but Cottontail knew that everything could change in a moment. It was better to be cautious.

Padfoot’s movement must have alerted the unicorn, because it pricked its ears and turned to look at the visitors waiting in front of the trees. Cottontail didn’t dare to breathe. After a moment, it trotted off and disappeared into the forest, leaving a dark clearing behind.

Cottontail looked back at the centaur, but he had disappeared too. 

Moony was calmer than Cottontail had ever seen him, though the unicorn was now gone. She hoped he would remember what he’d seen after he transformed back.

~

Shadow’s body convulsed, her joints popping and her bones cracking until it transformed into Kai. Aria held out a hand to help her up from the ground.

“Thanks. How was that unicorn?” 

“Amazing,” Aria said. “I can’t believe we saw one.”

“I can’t believe Moony didn’t try to make it dinner.” Kai brushed dirt off her skirt.

“Let’s just focus on the fact that he didn’t make  _ you  _ dinner.”

Kai didn’t laugh, which Aria was half-expecting.

“You can tell me how you’re feeling if you want. Remus isn’t here so he doesn’t have to know.” The boys had taken Remus back to the Shack without Aria and Kai so that there wasn’t any risk if Kai transformed prematurely. 

“Not great,” Kai admitted. “I know everything went as well as it could and I didn’t screw up again, but I still feel pretty crap.”

“That’s to be expected.” Aria started pulling twigs and bark out of Kai’s hair to give Kai a reason not to look at her. “Last time was really traumatising for you and it’ll take time to recover from it.”

“I just want to feel comfortable around him like you guys.” Kai huffed. “I’m his sister; I should be by his side the whole time. Instead Padfoot gets to do that.”

“Padfoot does a good job of looking out for him.”

“I know,” Kai muttered. 

“C’mon, we should head back to the castle.” Aria had run out of things to brush out of Kai’s hair, and consequently, things to say. She knew it would simply take time for Kai to warm up to full moons. It would take time for her to trust herself. 

The moon faded into the sky with the first sun rays peeking between the hills. Aria yawned as the fatigue from the night caught up with her. If they made it back to the common rooms quickly, she was hoping to catch a couple of hours of sleep before her first class.

The boys (minus Remus) were waiting by the door they’d agreed to reconvene by.

“Took you long enough,” Peter said.

“Well we’re here now,” said Kai without much bite.  _ She must be exhausted too. _

“Right.” James pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket and unfolded it. “We need to get to this hallway.” He tapped some roughly drawn lines. “Then Padfoot, Wormtail and I can go up this staircase, Cottontail you’ll have to go down  _ here  _ to get to yours, and Shadow should know her way to Ravenclaw from here. Got it?”

“I think so,” Aria said. 

“Great. No lemme just—” James reached into his other pocket and froze. “Ah shit, we’re down a Cloak.”

“Mate, you had one job,” Sirius said, amused but not perturbed. “This’ll be fun.”

Without taking his eyes off the map, James said, “If we stay quiet and check around the corners, we shouldn’t get caught.”

The castle at night was always deathly quiet. So quiet that the stone walls echoed the silence until it became uncomfortable. That is, unless you happened to be in a corridor with a snoring portrait.

“Can someone poke him?” Kai grumbled, side-eyeing the painting of a man who was heaving great nasally snores. 

“Shh!” said Peter and Aria in unison. They hadn’t encountered any trouble so far and she’d like to keep it that way. 

“So here we turn right and—” James suddenly pulled his head back from around the corner “—nope, we got company, in here!” He grabbed Aria’s sleeve and pulled her into the closest room. Just before footsteps passed the room, the Marauders extinguished their wand lights.

“That was a close one,” Sirius whispered.

“Too close. We need to be more careful,” said Kai.

“Let’s go through this other door then,” James said, studying the crude map. “I haven’t mapped it out completely, but if we stay away from main corridors we should have less company.”

“Are you sure you’ll know the way?” Aria asked. She’d almost take getting caught over getting lost in Hogwarts. 

“Almost positive.”

“Shh, what’s that?” Peter hissed. Everyone fell silent as the faint sound of a cat meowing could be heard.

“It’s Mrs Norris. Let’s go through that door before Filch appears,” Kai said.

“The door’s locked,” said Peter, tugging on the handle. 

“ _ Alohamora _ .” Sirius pointed his wand at the door and the latch clicked. They stumbled through it and into a narrow, pitch black corridor. 

“ _ Lumos. _ ” With some light, Aria could see stairs to her left, and a dead end to her right. Stairs it was.

The corridor was so narrow that they had to walk single-file. Aria still managed to bump into a hanging tapestry and the resulting cloud of dust made her eyes water. 

James led them bravely through the confusing maze, occasionally having to stop them and retrace their steps, but never admitting defeat. 

After they rounded into yet another corridor, he turned back to face the line behind him. “I think we’re almost there.” Then another light appeared in the distance.

“Shit!” James exclaimed. “Turn around everyone. Turn around!” 

Aria extinguished her light, just as the others did, but there was no way they hadn’t already been seen. They needed to run. 

Tripping over uneven flagstones, small steps, and sometimes nothing at all, the group ran back down the corridor they came from, searching desperately for a doorway, somewhere to hide. Aria looked back to see if the light was still there and got a fright when she saw how close it was. 

“Faster, everyone,” James said desperately. 

Without a proper light source, Aria was forced to use her hands on the walls to see if anything would give way. 

“In here!” Someone grabbed Aria’s arm and tugged her into an alcove behind a tapestry. The space was cramped, but it was enough. Everyone held their breaths, but Aria was sure her heartbeat was loud enough to alert whoever had the light. 

She could see the light through a gap between the tapestry and the wall. It was definitely wandlight, and the wand was being held by… Dumbledore?   
She started harder.  _ Dumbledore?  _ Surely not. What was he doing here? She could hardly believe it, but that beard and those purple robes were unmistakably his. 

As Dumbledore neared the tapestry covering them, he turned his head towards the gap Aria was looking through. She got a flash of his piercing blue eyes and jolted backwards, elbowing one of her friends in the stomach and making them inhale sharply. 

Soft footsteps drew near and then, miraculously, they grew soft as Dumbledore walked away from them. 

“Did you see who it was?” Kai whispered in Aria’s ear. 

“I think it was Dumbledore.”

“No way.”

“That’s what it looked like.”

“How did he not see us?”

Aria thought back to those blue eyes staring right at her. “I don’t know.”

“Well that was far too close for comfort,” James said once they were all out of the alcove. “Can you believe that Peter had a spider on him the whole time and didn’t make a sound?”

“There was a bloody spider on me?” Peter writhed around, slapping every square inch of his body while James and Sirius laughed.

“Stop laughing, we have to go,” Kai said. “I wish there was a way for us to know who’s coming before they see us. We’ve already had too many close calls.”

“Hmm.” James was, once again, staring at his map. “I think I can see a shorter way to get to where we need to be. This time I’m sending Pete to check ahead as a rat.”

“Fine,” Peter grumbled. “Never forget your Cloak again.”

~

“Miss Parker.” Professor McGonagall towered over her desk. She had a severe look behind her square glasses. “What is this?”

“It’s—” Aria gulped “—it’s my Snitch, Professor.” She held out a golf ball with one pathetic fluttering wing.

“That is not a Snitch.” McGonagall sighed. “Miss Parker, when is your Transfiguration OWL?”

“April.”

“And when were you to have mastered the Goldfinch to Golden Snitch spell?”   
“Before Christmas.”

McGonagall nodded once, her lips pressed together in a thin line. “Then I suggest you practice this spell thoroughly in your own time. I expect to see a perfect Snitch on your desk this time next week. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Professor.” Aria hung her head, strands of blonde hair falling into over her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw McGonagall give Kai’s Snitch an approving nod before walking away.

“Aria,” Kai began as they both packed up their books. “It’ll be okay. I’m sure you’ll get it soon.”

Aria didn’t reply while she shoved things in her bag in no particular order. As her textbook went in, there was the audible sound of a quill snapping.  _ Perfect. _

She got up from her chair and made a beeline for the door. This lesson had been humiliating enough; she didn’t need anything else to go wrong.

“Aria, wait up!” Kai called.

“I need to be alone,” Aria said without looking back.

The common room was almost empty when Aria got there. Only a couple of older students were milling around, and they likely had a free period before. She must’ve walked much faster than usual, but it was hard to outrun Kai’s long legs.

What Aria wanted more than anything right now was to dive into bed and pretend this day hadn’t happened. Her bed looked so enticing, its warm, yellow quilt practically begging her to get in. 

She dropped her bag on it with a huff. Now was not the time to be wallowing in self-pity. Picking up just her wand and her Transfiguration textbook, she exited the dorm and headed for the library.

With OWLs now in the forefront of every fifth-year’s mind, the library was a hive of activity. Madam Pince was patrolling the shelves vigilantly, ready to swoop down on anyone who so much as turned a page too loudly. Aria made her way to the very back corner of the library where there were fewer distractions. There were no tables back here so she was forced to sit cross-legged on the dusty floor, but at least no one was here. No one would judge her for not knowing how to do such a straightforward spell.

Aria opened her book and turned to the page which described the spell to make sure she was getting the wand movement right. There it was, with the helpful diagram she’d seen at least a dozen times before. Figure eight then a sharp jab. 

Aria picked up her wand and mimicked the movement, doing her best to make it fluid and well-paced.

“ _ Carduelis auream ut snitch _ ,” she murmured. Her wand produced no sparks.

Perhaps she was emphasising it wrong?

“ _ Cardeulis aurEAM ut snitch, _ ” she tried. This time her wand produced a jet of black steam. 

“ _ Evanesco, _ ” Aria hastily amended. The steam vanished. At least she could do Vanishing Spells.

Madam Pince was nowhere to be seen, so Aria tried to say the spell louder.

“ _ Carduelis auream ut snitch. _ ” This time her wand produced a few small sparks, but they faded quickly. 

“Watcha doing?”

“Huh?” Aria turned her head to see James cheerfully swapping books on a shelf. “Oh, hi James.”

“Practicing spells are we?”

“It’s nothing.” Aria closed her book before he could see what page she was looking at. “What are  _ you  _ doing?”

“Pulling a prank on Pince. Come look.”

She got to her feet and walked over to stand beside James. “What am I looking at?”

“The spines.” 

Aria looked closer and sure enough, the spines of the row of books now spelled something very rude. “Hilarious.”

“I thought so.” James’s eyes twinkled. “You know it’s better to use a real finch.”

“What?”

“Your spell. Turning a goldfinch into this baby.” He pulled out his favourite Snitch from his pocket. “Doesn’t really work when you have nothing to transform.”

Aria’s cheeks heated up. “Yeah, well I don’t have one of the stupid birds and I have to get the spell by next week, so I guess I’m screwed.”

“I wouldn’t speak so soon.” James put away his Snitch and pulled out his wand. “ _ Avis cardeulis. _ ” A real-life goldfinch burst out of the end of his wand and flew around their heads, chirping loudly.

“We can’t have Pince hear that.  _ Immobulus. _ ” James froze the bird mid-flap and caught it as it plummeted towards the ground. “Put this in your pocket and let’s go find a place to practice.”

“What—I’m sorry,  _ we _ ?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind helping you out. It’ll be fun.”

Aria decided to swallow her pride. James already knew she was struggling and she could do with some help. Plus James was brilliant at Transfiguration. 

“Promise you’ll keep this between us?”

“I can do that, yeah.” James softened his voice. “But you know they wouldn’t judge you, right?”

Aria licked her lips. “I know. I’d just… rather they not know.”

James shrugged. “Your call.”

~

“ _ Carduelis auream ut snitch. _ ” There was a flash of light and the goldfinch transformed into a gold golf ball with two gilded wings.

“Better, Aria, much better,” James said. “But I think you’re focusing too much on the idea of a Snitch being a ball.”

“Well I don’t play Quidditch like you,” Aria said. “What should I be focusing on then?”

“A Snitch isn’t like a regular ball. It has almost a mind of its own. It can fly in different directions and it knows how to evade people. Try to keep those qualities of the bird but change the shape and texture to that of a Snitch.”

“Okay.” Aria’s head was starting to hurt. She had to think about what qualities of the bird to keep? Normally she just imagined a regular old Snitch. 

“You can do it. C’mon, give me one more try.” James magicked the mutant golf ball back into a goldfinch. Even the finch looked weary at this point.

Aria aimed her wand and thought about a Snitch in motion. She thought about it flying around like a small bird, ducking and weaving with its wings going so fast that they looked blurry. Still with that mental image in her mind, she moved her wand and said the spell.

The bird transformed, but this time it stayed in motion. The tiny gold ball zipped around the room, just as Aria had imagined it.

“You did it!” James engulfed Aria in a bear hug. 

Aria started to laugh with relief. “I did do it!” She squeezed James back. “And I couldn’t have done it without your help.”

“Pssh, it was nothing.”

“No no, you really helped me. That stuff about the qualities of the Snitch was brilliant. If you need any help in the future, please ask.”

“Well, there is one thing you could do for me.” 

“Sure.” Maybe James needed help with Potions, though he was usually pretty good at them. It might be Herbology, James was too rough with the plants sometimes.

“I know you have Sluggy’s party coming up and I’d really appreciate it if you could talk to Lily for me.”

Aria sighed.  _ Why am I not surprised?  _

“I don’t know, James, it seems a bit unfair on her.”

“Please? Could you at least tell her I’m not a completely awful human being?”

“I’ve tried that one before, James.”

James continued to plead at her with puppy dog eyes.

“Look, why don’t you try talking to her yourself? How about I bring you to the party as my plus one?”

“Really? You would do that?” James beamed. “Thanks a bunch, Aria.” 

“Don’t make me regret it,” she warned. At least this way Lily wouldn’t be mad at  _ her.  _ She might be mad at James, but that wouldn’t exactly be a change from the status quo.

“I won’t, I swear.” James hugged her again. “Thanks again. And feel free to ask me for help with Transfiguration any time.”

“Hopefully I won’t  _ need _ to.” Aria smiled. “But if I’m honest this has been pretty fun. Maybe we could hang out again together sometime? Doesn’t have to be for Transfiguration.” Aria did enjoy hanging out with all her friends together, but sometimes it was nice to spend some time with just one other person.

“Anytime,” James agreed. 

~

Aria used her wand to light the path towards the Quidditch pitch. Dark had fallen early, but that hadn’t deterred the Ravenclaw team from training. Fortunately, the pitch was well-lit to accommodate for evening training sessions. 

Aria normally waited for Kai’s training to finish back in the warmth of the castle. She pulled her cloak tighter around her. The winter air could be tolerated if it gave her a chance to make it up to Kai. After Aria had walked out of Transfiguration last week in frustration, Kai had kept her distance. The space had given Aria time to focus on herself, but now that McGonagall had deemed her Goldfinch to Snitch ‘wholly adequate’, she wanted to reassure Kai that there were no hard feelings. She didn’t want Kai to be tip-toeing around her.

Aria squinted, hoping to catch a glimpse of figures on brooms flying around. The training was supposed to be done by now, but Will’s always went overtime. 

Will’s name hadn’t been brought up in conversation all week. Was he still planning to ask Kai to the party? Had he done so already? Surely not. Kai would have said something if he had.

Perhaps it was for the best. Kai had nothing positive to say about the party whenever Aria had tried to bring up the subject. She simply called Slughorn an ‘opportunist’ and said he was far too friendly with his students. Aria was now doubtful as to whether Will could overcome Kai’s aversion to the whole affair.  _ Yes,  _ she thought.  _ It’s for the best. _

When she made it to the pitch, there were no brooms in the air. She figured that the team must be in the changing rooms. Not wanting to intrude, Aria waited outside. The walls were only made of tent cloth, so the voices within carried. 

“Hey, Kai, do you have a moment.” That was Will’s voice, Aria was sure of it. 

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to tell you, um, good job out there this evening.”

“Oh. Thanks. I think we’ve got a really strong Chaser formation, we just need to practice that maneuver we talked about and Hufflepuff won’t know what hit them.”

Aria snorted. If she was a different person she might consider telling someone on the Hufflepuff team, but she didn’t really know what any of the maneuvers were. 

“Yeah, that was a great idea,” Will said.

“Is that all you wanted to say to me?”

“Um, well, there is one more thing.”

A light switched on in Aria’s mind.  _ Is Will about to ask her to the party?  _ She should walk away. She should walk out of earshot and stop eavesdropping, but her feet were rooted to the spot. 

“Slughorn’s Valentine’s Day party is coming up, and I was wondering if you would like to go with me?”

Aria clamped a hand over her mouth to stop any noise coming out. 

“Together?” That was Kai’s incredulous reply. Aria’s stomach dropped. This wasn’t off to a good start.

“Yes? I mean, only if you want to.”

Kai started laughing. Actually laughing. Not a small, nervous giggle. Full blown laughter. 

“Is there something funny about this?” Will asked. 

Kai stopped mid-laugh. “Wait, you’re being serious?”

“Of course I’m being serious.” Will sounded hurt. “And I think I already know what your answer is.”

“Wait, you were just asking me as a friend, right?”

Aria winced. This was really not going well. 

“Not—” Will swallowed audibly “—not exactly. It was meant to be, y’know, like a—”

“Like a date?” 

There was an awkward pause in which Aria started to take a few steps backwards. She really shouldn’t still be here, but it was like watching a train crash. It was hard to stop listening.

“I—you know what, yeah. Like a date. Is that really so awful?”

“ _ No,  _ it’s just—we’re  _ friends _ , Will. Just friends. I don’t want to go on a date with you. I don’t want to go to some stupid party. Can we please just forget about this? Can we just go back to Quidditch? Please?”

“Quidditch.” Will’s voice was flat and emotionless. “We can do that.”

“Look, it’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t like you  _ like that. _ ”

“Message received.”

“Sorry, but that’s my answer. It’s the only one I can give.”

Will didn’t reply.

“Well, this has been awkward enough. I think I’ll just go now.”

_ Crap.  _ There was a rustling of tent flaps and Aria ran back towards the castle. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to hide.

“Aria?” 

Aria turned around slowly. “Oh hi, Kai. I was just coming down to walk you back to the castle.”

“Then why were you running the opposite way?” Kai narrowed her eyes. “Wait, you heard!”

“Look, Kai—”

“You did! You totally heard us! Oh, this is so humiliating.” Kai clenched her fists around her broomstick. “What were you  _ doing? _ ”

Aria held up her hands in defence. “I was coming down to meet you, I swear. I didn’t know that you would be having that conversation.”

“So instead of walking away, you decided to  _ spy  _ on us?”

“No, it wasn’t like that.” Aria cringed at her own words. It sort of  _ was  _ like that, but she hadn’t done it out of malice.

“I’m really sorry, Kai, you’re right, I shouldn’t have stayed, but I just—I wanted it to work out. It was stupid, but I really just wanted you to be happy.”

“Wait a minute.” Something dawned on Kai’s face. “Did you know he was going to ask me out?”

“I—”  _ Dammit. No more lies, Aria.  _ “Yes. Well sort of. I didn’t know he was going to do it today.” That much was true. “I fear I may have,” Aria squeezed her eyes shut, “encouraged him a little.”

“You _ encouraged  _ him?” 

“I don’t know, I thought maybe you liked him back,” Aria shot back. Will was right, it wasn’t such a crazy thought. 

“Shit, Aria, you can’t just go around planning people’s lives for them. This was none of your business to begin with. You’re supposed to be my friend.”

Ouch. That one hurt. “I am, Kai. Or at least, I try to be. I made a mistake and I’m really sorry.” Tears sprang to her eyes. She’d come here hoping to mend her relationship with Kai and instead it’d ended up being torn apart.

“I don’t even want to look at you right now.” Kai stomped past Aria, her robes billowing in the wind. 

With Kai gone, tears streamed freely down Aria’s cheeks. How had this all gone so horribly wrong?


End file.
